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How to Start Talking to Strangers with Ease Even If You’re Shy

How to Start Talking to Strangers with Ease Even If You’re Shy

A day without communicating with others and meeting new people isn’t a day well spent.

But that’s not always the easiest thing to do if you’re shy by nature. You might be intimidated when in public because you get anxious, start thinking that others will judge you, fear being rejected, aren’t sure what to talk about, feel uncomfortable, or else.

Don’t worry. You can still take control of your bad communication skills and lack of self-esteem and turn them around. One of the best things about being human is that we have the ability to change, to improve, to built new qualities and learn any skill.

In this case, the goal is to start talking to strangers with ease. Let’s see how you can get there without too much stress and effort.

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Fix your relationship with yourself first

Shyness is a result of not being confident in yourself, and there are often deeper reasons behind this. It’s worth taking the time to dig deeper and see where all this started.

Maybe your parents were too judgmental and you could never satisfy them. Maybe you never found something you’re good at that could give you the chance to show you’re capable of much more. Or maybe you don’t try new things because you’ve failed in the past. Whatever the case is, getting back to these memories tells your mind you shouldn’t do anything right now. It’s time to let go.

Leave behind anything from the past, as it’s the foundation of your shy self. Instead, realise this: we all have potential inside of us, waiting to be unleashed. But it takes some work and practice to start getting things done and let others notice that.

So, set some goals and take a step daily. Decide to give a new hobby a try. Learn something new. Take up a sport. Find out life hacks that will help you do things faster and better. Whatever it is that you do, it will give you the confidence that you can accomplish much more. And you’ll start building self-esteem and begin taking risks more often, even in social life.

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Being action-oriented also means you’ll stop overthinking your weaknesses, will leave behind the doubts and insecurity. All that makes you stronger, more experienced, and more confident around other people. Once you go through this transformation – which doesn’t need to take long – you can show the world you’re not afraid to be in public, meet new people and show them how interesting of a person you are.

Leave the comfort zone

Your comfort zone is the bubble you live in, that feels safe and familiar, and which is hard to leave. It includes all the habits you’ve developed over the years and which you stick to, all the people from your past you’re used to being around, all the qualities you’ve always had, and the things you’ve always been doing.

But comfort is the enemy of progress, and that affects your social life quite negatively. Once you’re out of this comfort zone, you break free from the mediocrity and can start exploring, learning, socializing, and improving.

That can happen by doing things that don’t feel comfortable. And because we’re talking about getting better at approaching strangers, some things you can try on a daily basis are talking to one new person, asking a question, looking people on the street in the eyes, speaking up when you have something to say, spending more time around new people, etc.

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Do one of these daily for a start. It might feel awkward and unpleasant, but that’s how you’re changing for the better. Repeat it the next day.

Soon, you’ll notice some changes in your behaviour. You won’t feel anxious in public, won’t feel weird when people look at you and won’t be afraid to look them in the eyes, you’ll always know what to say when asked a question, and will even have longer conversations with new people.

Slowly master the art of being a conversationalist

Once you’ve gone through the first 2 phases, you’ll be ready to try different things, find what works best for you, gain experience, and have fun at the same time.

For example, you can begin disagreeing with people and thus showing character. Eventually, you’ll find the balance between saying your honest opinion, but presenting it in a way that won’t make the other person feel bad. You’ll become more assertive too. You’ll show respect to anyone you’re talking to but won’t allow being deceived or controlled in any way.

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Then, you’ll get creative with body language and your diction. The determination can be felt through the words you use, your tone and your posture. Once approaching the new person isn’t an issue anymore, you’ll experiment with all these too.

As for the topics, you’ll discuss with strangers, in the beginning, they will be more common ones that don’t require any knowledge or even opinion. But then you can bring up questions that concern you and be genuinely interested in what the another person has to say about this. This way, every new conversation will be a learning experience for you. As a result, you’ll become an interesting conversation partner and someone who’ll challenge others in exciting ways. You’ll learn how to open up to people once you’ve talked for a while, but also how to make them feel comfortable and start sharing.

After some time, expect to have the chance to actually form a friendship with anyone you have something in common with. You decide who you’ll spend time with for longer, but your circle of friends will definitely get bigger now that you’re more self-assured and know how to approach people with ease.

Your daily life will turn into a quest to meet new individuals, get to know them, brush up on your social skills, and have a good time.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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