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Worst Mistakes People Make In Their 20s That You Can Actually Avoid

Worst Mistakes People Make In Their 20s That You Can Actually Avoid

Going through your 20s can be really difficult – I know, I’ve been there. You’re legally an adult but haven’t quite reached that level emotionally yet. You’re still trying to find your way through the messiness and complications of life and figure out who you really are. Don’t worry, everything you’re feeling is normal.

Through all of the confusion, it can be easy to make some really life-changing mistakes. Don’t let that happen to you. Take a look below at some of the worst mistakes people make in their 20s and find out how to avoid doing the same.

1. Relying On Education Alone

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    We’ve all heard it before: “Get an education and you’ll go far in life.” So, we spend our 20s focused on college credits and getting good grades. If this sounds familiar, you might want to rethink your approach.

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    A formal education can only help you to a certain extent. Believe me, you should be learning so many other important things right now. Travel, learn a new language, volunteer, do an internship. These are all things that will help you in the future and supplement the formal education you are now receiving.

    To figure out just what you would like to do, try reading some self-help books. Here’s a link to get you started:

    2. Hanging On To A Partner Just Because You Want Them To Be Your Last

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      Falling in love is one of the most amazing things we can experience in our lives. But forcing an unhealthy relationship is one of the most harmful.

      During your 20s, while you’re trying to “figure it all out”, you’ll probably be getting out there and meeting new people. Sometimes, you find your significant other in the process. But don’t hang on to a partner just because you want them to be your last.

      I say this, because I’ve been through it. I spent the better part of my 20s holding on to a relationship that wasn’t healthy because I didn’t realize who I was or what I needed in my life. Don’t do the same thing.

      Reevaluate your relationship from time to time to make sure it makes you happy. Stay alert for early warning signs like controlling behavior or violent arguments. Remember, it’s hard to find your soulmate while you’re still trying to figure out what you want out of life.

      3. Neglecting Your Health

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        Don’t neglect your health during your 20s. You’re so busy taking care of work, school, relationships, and socializing that it’s easy to forget to take care of your mental and physical health as well.

        It’s understandable. You’re so busy trying to pack as much into your days as possible, which is exactly what you should be doing. But don’t forget to make some time for your health, too.

        To help point you in the right direction, take a look at some of these articles on healthy living:

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        4. Taking Your Parents for Granted

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          I know it doesn’t seem like a very likely scenario right now, but you will not always have your parents. Imagining life without one or both parents is difficult. Right now, any time you need help or feel stressed out, they are there for you. But, one day they will be gone.

          Of all of the mistakes mentioned, this is the most serious. I lost my mother in my 20s and it was one of those completely unexpected losses. We were talking on the phone after not seeing each other for a few weeks and we decided to do something together the next day. I woke up to a phone call telling me that she had passed away.

          You never get to go back and do it all over. Take advantage of the time you have with them now. Don’t take your parents for granted. In fact, as soon as you finish reading this article, give them a call. Make a coffee date or go catch a movie together. Spend your next vacation together. One day, you’ll look back on that time together and be grateful you had it.

          Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com

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          Amber Pariona

          EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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          Last Updated on May 21, 2019

          How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

          How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

          For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

          If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

          Example 1

          You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

          You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

          In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

          Example 2

          You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

          People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

          You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

          Example 3

          You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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          The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

          Example 4

          You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

          Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

          If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

          Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

          • Understand your own communication style
          • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
          • Communicate with precision and care
          • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

          1. Understand Your Communication Style

          To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

          In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

          Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

          2. Learn Others Communication Styles

          Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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          If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

          “How do you prefer to receive information?”

          This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

          To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

          3. Exercise Precision and Care

          A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

          On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

          Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

          I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

          I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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          In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

          The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

          Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

          4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

          Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

          In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

          “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

          Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

          Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

          It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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          It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

          It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

          Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

          Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

          The Bottom Line

          When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

          I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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          Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

          Reference

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