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The Best and Worst Feelings you Have in Your Late 20’s

The Best and Worst Feelings you Have in Your Late 20’s

If you are past your late 20’s, congratulations. You made it! If you have not yet passed it, you will make it. I have and it was not easy, but you will make it. This stage can have a lot of ups and downs, as well as lefts and rights. It can get complicated and confusing, but at the same time it can also be great.

The data science team from the happiness app, Happify has found that there was a sharp increase in stress levels of the members who joined their service in 2015 who were in their late 20’s and early 30’s.

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Here are some examples of the best and worst feelings that happen when you are in your late 20’s:

1. Best feeling: You’ve taken more control of your life compared to your early 20’s.

Your early to middle 20’s is when you probably started your first job after college. At this point, you have started earning your own money and paying off your debts. This continues into your late 20’s, and as the debts get lower and the job gets more stable, you are probably already saving up for that big travel adventure or for that big downpayment to buy your first house. At this point, you feel that you are in control.

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Worst feeling: You’re going to lose some control of your life soon, as family issues (especially if you’re going to have kids or your parents have health issues) very likely will come up.

However, at this point in your late 20’s when you feel that you are finally in control of your own life, other issues over which you have no control can arise. Examples of these are stress from parents’ health issues or having kids, and then having unexpected expenses arise due to these situations.

2. Best feeling: You are realizing your ambitions step by step.

When you are in your late 20’s and in a job that you really like, you suddenly find yourself being grateful that, unlike your new co-workers who are fresh out of school and struggling to find their “root” job and what they really want, you have already found yours. You do not need to prove yourself anymore to anyone because being in your late 20’s has made you a much more confident person than you were before. You feel that you are all set for life.

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Worst feeling: You feel that you don’t have much time.

However, there will be sleepless nights when you feel that you do not have enough time to enjoy your success. You feel that most of your time is spent building a great future, but when will all the hard work stop?

3. Best feeling: You find yourself much more mature than before.

You give yourself a pat on the back and think that this is the most mature that you have been in your whole life. You know yourself better and you have endured a lot of ups and downs and have come out of it shining like a star. You think that you rock and you do not care anymore what others think of you. You have become strong and confident.

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Worst feeling: You feel that your body has matured a lot, too.

Mentally you are feeling confident, but when you look at yourself in the mirror you suddenly notice that some wrinkles have set in. The 5-kilometer run that used to make you feel energetic is suddenly making you feel like you can’t breathe. You feel your body changing and this makes you feel vulnerable.

4. Best feeling: You already know what you want.

You know that you want to work for the company that you are working for now until retirement. You know that you want to live in the country that you are currently living in. You know that you will need to get married in a few years- or now. You are set. You know what you want.

Worst feeling: You don’t feel like settling/you can’t settle.

On the flip side of knowing what you want, you feel that you do not want to settle. You know that if you settle, you could get bored, or end up hating what you thought you had wanted. Maybe you are scared that you will make the wrong decision. Then you get stuck because you do not want to decide just yet.

Yes, being in your late 20’s is a hard and complicated stage in life. What you can do is to use all of the resources that are there to help you. Talk to your parents, close friends, seek counseling, or read self-help books. Most importantly, remind yourself that what you are going through is normal and that there are many out there who are experiencing the same things.

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Sarah Bonander

Writer, Human Resources Professional

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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