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5 Ways to Get Back Your Toned Figure after Pregnancy

5 Ways to Get Back Your Toned Figure after Pregnancy

The miracle of birth has no parallel — it’s the most wonderful and most natural thing in the world. Women who decide to become mothers are giving the gift of life to the entire humankind, and there’s nothing that can be compared to this.

The funny thing is that mothers can’t really see the bigger picture here, because it’s very difficult to deal with the physical consequences of giving birth. It’s a whole new mess that needs to be sorted out, and it’s very difficult to deal with the new body figure that comes postpartum.

This problem can even lead to such an amount of dissatisfaction that it can cause depression, which is something you need to steer clear from because your life has a new purpose now — your newborn. Therefore, you should take precautions so that you can avoid some permanent pregnancy marks, but it’s very important not to take your actions to far.

1. Lose Weight at a Slow Pace

While your baby grows inside of you, your stomach swells up; this happens because your body makes room for the baby’s growth and proper development. Now, your tummy isn’t a balloon — although at some point, it will look like it — and you can’t expect it to shrink back to normal the minute after you give birth.

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Hormones know how to behave, and you need to give them time to do their job — all those fluids that amass during pregnancy will start to leak, but that is one slow process that must not be rushed because of your baby’s health and your own.

Those leaks will manifest to sweat, urine and vaginal secretions, and any additional weight you might have picked up along the way will enter a fast-forward calorie burning process.

2. Mind the Bra Size

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    This goes for both — before and after birth. If you don’t pay special attention to the way your breasts change, you will experience unpleasant pain, and that discomfort isn’t something you should add to the list of all the other sensations your body is going through.

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    While your pregnancy is developing, so will your breasts, and you can expect to see a new change each trimester. This is why you should get refitted accordingly. In order to feel maximally comfortable, make sure to wear supporting bras even during nighttime.

    If you’re nursing, you’ll need convenient bras that save you time and help you relieve the pain you might be experiencing. However, you should be aware of the fact your new bra size will reveal itself a few months after you stop breastfeeding, not after you give birth, which is why you need to be patient and wear appropriate sizes.

    3. Be Patient With Your Tummy

    First of all, you need to face the fact that your body shape may change for good after you give birth — your body is going through a huge change, and it’s only natural that it can’t bounce back completely. Only time will tell here, which is why you shouldn’t be impatient.

    Mothers need to give their tummy muscles time to accommodate, and the length of the period necessary for that to happen depends on the shape of your figure before you became pregnant, how much weight you added during pregnancy, your physical activities postpartum, and of course, your genetics.

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    My suggestion is to talk this out with your mother, and learn about her experience on this subject; she can tell you how long it took her to bounce back and which mistakes she made, so that you can steer clear from them.

    Breastfeeding can actually help you with this, because by doing it, you become 500 calories lighter each day, which is one motivating thing to have in mind. As a new mother, you’re a milk machine, so to speak, and your body will invest about one kilogram per week in order to produce enough food for your newborn.

    If you’re eager to get back to the gym and exercise, you need to be gentle with your body because forcing yourself will make you constantly exhausted and that can only lead to a line of serious problems for both you and your child. You can try with postpartum belly wraps — the support they provide can relieve the pressure on your spine, which can take damage during pregnancy, and it can help you get your abs in shape more quickly.

    4. Take Good Care of Your Skin

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      Moisturizing is of essential importance here. Because of the lack of elasticity while you’re getting bigger as your pregnancy envelops, your skin tends to crack which is why stretch marks appear. It’s quite important for you to understand that they will tone down in time, and that they won’t be that visible after a while, so don’t panic.

      However, you can affect the final outcome by moisturizing, and my suggestion is to go with gentle oil-based skincare products, because I have seen them in action, and they do their job well. Just make sure that you’re using creams and oils which are pH neutral and baby-friendly.

      5. Love Your Body

      Not having the perfect body is a very small sacrifice when compared with what you get by giving birth. I know it can be really frustrating — I think my mother never got over her stretchmarks — but if you continue to dwell on it, the problem will only get bigger and bigger inside your head. Learn to love your new motherly figure because it gave you a child, if nothing else, and that’s definitely the biggest source of unconditional love.

      Allow these things go by in their natural course — your body is programmed for this process, and you need to allow it to react. Have in mind that your health is of vital importance to your baby and having to wait a few months longer to be satisfied with the reflection in your mirror is okay. Give yourself time.

      Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/u/freestocks/ via pexels.com

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      Published on December 20, 2019

      Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

      Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

      Kate sits down to the dinner table and is eager to be a good girl and eat her dinner like her Mom and Dad want her to do. She is a sweet girl who wants the approval of her parents very much. It is not always easy though. During dinner, she stands up and starts to leave the table because she has to use the bathroom. Her Dad yells at her to sit back down. He tells her “we don’t just get up from the dinner table, we wait and ask to be excused after everyone is finished eating.” She begins to protest, wanting to explain that she needs to use the bathroom. Her father becomes more upset with her and yells at her that she is now talking back and she is not allowed to say another word at the dinner table until everyone is finished eating and then she can be excused.

      Unfortunately for Kate, she can’t hold it, and she has a little accident because she is too fearful to say a word to her Dad. She doesn’t want to get yelled at anymore. She also knows that in her home, kids don’t have a say. What Mom and Dad say is like words carved into stone. They are strict beyond reason and they will not bend their rules. Therefore, Kate felt that she had no choice in the matter and when she could no longer hold it. There was nothing she could do about it.

      Kate’s parents are an example of authoritarian parenting. They are strict, they are not emotionally engaged with their children, and they have very high expectations for their children. This type of parenting style leaves children feeling disconnected from their parents.

      Kate wanted to communicate to her parents that she had to use the restroom, but she couldn’t even get her words out because her parents have such strict rules and demands of her. They did not care to hear what she had to say, because upholding their rules was more important to them. In their household, a child’s opinions and feelings do not matter.

      This kind of strict parenting is not helpful for children. It can damage a child and leave them with low self-esteem, mental health issues, and doing poor academically among other problems cited by research in Parenting Science.[1]

      What Does Authoritarian Parenting Look Like?

      In the 1960’s, a researcher and theorist by the name of Baumrind established the well known theory of parenting styles. Those four parenting styles, which are well known today, are authoritarian, authoritative, passive, and neglectful. For proactive parents that are trying hard to be good parents, they will usually lean toward either authoritarian or authoritative.

      Authoritarian parenting involves strict parenting and high expectations for children. This can sound reasonable and even like good parenting. However, the strict parenting is often characterized by lack of compassion toward the child, little to no flexibility in rules, and complete control sought over the child’s behavior.

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      Parents who use this parenting style believe it is their job to control the will and behavior of their children. An article in Psychology Today explains how authoritarian parents operate:[2]

      Authoritarian parents believe that children are, by nature, strong-willed and self-indulgent. They value obedience to higher authority as a virtue unto itself. Authoritarian parents see their primary job to be bending the will of the child to that of authority—the parent, the church, the teacher. Willfulness is seen to be the root of unhappiness, bad behavior, and sin. Thus, a loving parent is one who tries to break the will of the child.

      For example, Jake has authoritarian parents. He wants to stay out past curfew on a school night because he has an opportunity to play in a jazz ensemble. He has been playing the saxophone for years and his ambition is to play in a college jazz ensemble.

      With Jake still being in high school, his parents have a curfew. On school nights, it is 8:00 pm. This rule is instituted because his parents believe they need to ensure that Jake gets his school work done each night and that he needs to be well rested for school the next day. However, they don’t explain the why of their rules to him, they simply tell him that those are their rules. The jazz ensemble is practicing at 8:00 pm on a Thursday night and they have invited Jake to come play with them. It is a well known group and a huge opportunity for Jake.

      Unfortunately, his parents say no. Their authoritarian parenting style is unwavering. He wants to discuss the opportunity and its importance, but his parents will not even entertain the conversation. They stop him mid-sentence and go over their rules again. There is no flexibility.

      If Jake’s parents had been authoritative, they would have taken the time to hear out his case and would likely have granted him a later curfew for that one instance. They would see that, although they have a curfew, there are some instances when an opportunity is worth bending the rules. They would ask that he has his homework done before going to play with the group, and that he come home as soon as the practice was finished.

      Authoritative parents have rules, but they are also flexible based on reasonable requests for exceptions. The authoritative parents are interested in how their children are thinking and feeling. Conversely, authoritarian parents are not likely to be interested in hearing their child’s thoughts and feelings, because they want to control the will of their child, not come to some middle ground.

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      Here are some characteristics of authoritarian parenting:

      • They have strict rules that are unyielding and unwavering. This is often called “heavy handed parenting.”
      • They do not want input from the child about rules. They also feel that the child’s opinion does not matter, because they are the parent thus are the supreme authority over the child.
      • There are severe punishments when rules are broken.
      • There is an emotional disconnection between parent and child, because the parent is not interested in what the child thinks or feels. They are more interested in controlling the behavior of the child and having the child be compliant to their rules.
      • Children are expected to listen to their parents and follow the rules, there are no exceptions. A child that voices their objections will likely be punished for doing so.
      • The parents have high expectations, especially when it comes to compliance of their rules.
      • Parents expect that their child will be obedient and they do not need to explain the “why” of their rules and expectations. Compliance is expected out of sheer obedience, not because the child understands the reasons why the rules are set. Parents do not feel the need to explain why they set their rules.
      • There is a failure to have attached relationships between parent and child because of the overly dominant nature of authoritarian parents and their unwillingness to allow their children to have their own voice or free will.

      Authoritarian parents are driven by a belief that they need to control their children. This means controlling their children’s behavior to an extreme. They are inflexible and don’t take into account the child’s desires, emotions, or well-being as being as important to enforcing rules to get the desired outcome. Authoritative parents on the other hand, seek to guide and direct their children instead of control. There is a distinction.

      The Problems of Authoritarian Parenting

      Authoritarian parenting has many negative consequences to children. Children who are raised in homes with extreme authoritarian parenting are more likely to become dependent on drugs and alcohol, have lower academic performance, and increased mental health issues according to Parenting for Brain.[3] Children who are raised with authoritarian parents are also more likely to have lower self esteem, inability to make decisive choices, and have social skills that are lacking.

      When a child is raised to be taught day in and day out that their voice does not matter, then that child will likely be ingrained with that belief. They will not value their own opinions because they have been taught that what they think does not matter and is of no value. This leads to poor self-esteem and low self-worth.

      If a child doesn’t believe that their thoughts matter, then what they think about themselves overall is going to be affected. They will not think highly of themselves or believe that what they think, say, or do is of value. This will contribute to low self-esteem long term.

      Social skills will suffer because a child who comes from an authoritarian home will be trained to believe that nobody wants to hear their opinion and that relationships are based on compliance.

      For example, Judy is raised in an authoritarian home. She is now 18 years old and has her first boyfriend. Anytime that he asks something of her, even if she internally disagrees, she feels that she is supposed to comply and do what he says in order for him to like her and continue wanting to be with her.

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      He wants to have sex. She does not feel that she is ready, but she will not voice this to her boyfriend because she doesn’t think that her opinion will matter or that he will want to listen to what she is feeling. She goes along with sex in their relationship to be compliant. She doesn’t want to be punished by disagreeing with not having sex. He says that they are ready for that next step in the relationship and she fears that the consequence of saying no would be that he ends the relationship.

      Therefore, she doesn’t even voice her thoughts or feelings on the situation because she doesn’t think they have value or will be heard anyway.

      She has been taught by her parents that her opinions and feelings don’t matter. She has learned from the past 18 years with her parents that what matters most is that she is compliant. She gets along with her parents best when she is doing exactly what they want her to do. This is why she feels the need to do the same with her boyfriend.

      Going along with his decisions, being compliant, and not voicing her feelings will keep the relationship going and avoid conflict or punishment. The ultimate punishment in her mind would be that he ends the relationship.

      With her opinions never being valued by those who she has loved the most (her parents), she has learned that she should not voice her opinion if she wants to keep the other person in the relationship happy. In her mind, because of how she has been raised, compliance overrides all else, and her opinion is meaningless.

      However, her boyfriend is not her parents. He is understanding and would want to know how she feels. He wants a long term relationship with her and he loves her so much. His true desire is for her to be happy. He would never want her to have sex if she wasn’t feeling the same way that he was feeling. He would gladly wait and would want to hear what she thinks and feels about taking their relationship to the next level.

      Authoritarian parenting methods can inflict great harm on a child. The child becomes emotionally damaged because they grow up believing that their opinions, thoughts, and feelings do not matter. Instead they are taught that compliance and being obedient supersedes all else.

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      The Solution

      The solution is to move from authoritarian parenting methods to authoritative parenting practices.

      Authoritative parenting has been deemed as the best parenting method by researchers, according to Psychology Today. Parents who use authoritative parenting methods have rules for their children, but they are not looking for blind compliance. They recognize that having a relationship with their child is of great importance and therefore valuing the child’s voice, opinions, and thoughts is important.

      Authoritative parents seek to guide and direct their children, but they do not seek to control the will of their child.

      Parenting Coach Plan explains the foundation of authoritative parenting as the following:[4]

      Authoritative parenting can be described as a style of parenting that combines firm limits and clear boundaries with fair and consistent discipline. Authoritative parents are also nurturing, highly-involved, and willing to speak openly with their child regarding expectations and the consequences for failing to meet those expectations. Rules are enforced and fair consequences are put in place for when those rules are broken.

      Children raised in authoritative homes follow the rules because they understand the “why” of the rules. They are also bonded to their parents because they are able to talk to their parents openly. This bond helps nurture a positive home environment and a two-way relationship that can last a lifetime.

      To learn more about how to be an authoritative parent and how to discipline a child using this parenting method, check out my article:

      How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

      Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

      Reference

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