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People Who Don’t Text Back Right Away Are More Attractive In Dating, Science Says

People Who Don’t Text Back Right Away Are More Attractive In Dating, Science Says

Texting is one of the number one ways to communicate in the dating world these days – rarely do we phone to set up a date with someone anymore. The art of texting has evolved and getting it right might seem like a game, but how we text could actually have an impact on our attractiveness.

So you finally got that person’s number, you spend (what seems like ages) formulating the perfect breezy text message because, after all, you don’t want to come across as too needy. You press the send button and then wait.

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What we don’t realise is, that moment of waiting is crucial to our growing attraction to the other person and how quickly (or not) we reply back can also have an impact on their attraction towards us. This isn’t about playing games but more down to the way our brains adapt to the reward system – in this case the other person texting back.

Science Says Wait A While Before Texting Back

You receive your text back and perhaps you’re even a little excited. Your first instinct may be to text back straight away, after all you’re both adults and probably both have your phones constantly in your hand so why pretend you haven’t seen it?

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Well science says making the other person wait for your reply will increase your attractiveness and it’s all down to ‘reward uncertainty’.

Psychologists have conducted studies on lab animals involving a reward system and monitored how the animals reacted. A reward uncertainty – where animals can’t predict whether pushing a lever will get them food or not – actually increased their interest in getting a reward. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centre and it’s this that gets activated when waiting for that all-important reply.

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Why Texting Back Too Soon Is A No-No

By all means, if you want to text back straight away, go for it. But this is why it may be better to wait.

In our brains, a text back from that special someone is considered a reward. Like the animals in the lab, if we know that pushing that lever every time will get a reward of food (in other words, getting that reply straight away every time) the dopamine levels will start decreasing because they know the next time they want a reward, it’ll be instantaneous and a ‘sure thing’. The lab animals start taking the reward for granted and even start to be less interested in trying to get it.

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In terms of texting, replying too soon (although great at first) over time can cause the other person to start to see you as less value. This results in the person having less of an urge to text you.

Back in the days when no one had mobile phones, days could go by before you picked up that phone to call, but in today’s modern age, texting has brought about a habit of quick replies and instant messaging and has inadvertently destroyed that sense of mystery. In the first throws of dating, the waiting game can help your feelings to grow, make you wonder and be more curious as to why they haven’t replied yet, what they’re up to and not knowing when you’ll get that buzz telling you their text has finally arrived!

So, hold off for a bit before hitting that reply button – let them wonder about you and get their dopamine levels rising high. It’s not about playing games but rather going by how our brains adapt to the lack of mystery and building up a sort of tension that finally gets released once that all-important reward has be received.

Featured photo credit: Kaboompics // Karolina via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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