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People Who Don’t Text Back Right Away Are More Attractive In Dating, Science Says

People Who Don’t Text Back Right Away Are More Attractive In Dating, Science Says

Texting is one of the number one ways to communicate in the dating world these days – rarely do we phone to set up a date with someone anymore. The art of texting has evolved and getting it right might seem like a game, but how we text could actually have an impact on our attractiveness.

So you finally got that person’s number, you spend (what seems like ages) formulating the perfect breezy text message because, after all, you don’t want to come across as too needy. You press the send button and then wait.

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What we don’t realise is, that moment of waiting is crucial to our growing attraction to the other person and how quickly (or not) we reply back can also have an impact on their attraction towards us. This isn’t about playing games but more down to the way our brains adapt to the reward system – in this case the other person texting back.

Science Says Wait A While Before Texting Back

You receive your text back and perhaps you’re even a little excited. Your first instinct may be to text back straight away, after all you’re both adults and probably both have your phones constantly in your hand so why pretend you haven’t seen it?

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Well science says making the other person wait for your reply will increase your attractiveness and it’s all down to ‘reward uncertainty’.

Psychologists have conducted studies on lab animals involving a reward system and monitored how the animals reacted. A reward uncertainty – where animals can’t predict whether pushing a lever will get them food or not – actually increased their interest in getting a reward. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centre and it’s this that gets activated when waiting for that all-important reply.

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Why Texting Back Too Soon Is A No-No

By all means, if you want to text back straight away, go for it. But this is why it may be better to wait.

In our brains, a text back from that special someone is considered a reward. Like the animals in the lab, if we know that pushing that lever every time will get a reward of food (in other words, getting that reply straight away every time) the dopamine levels will start decreasing because they know the next time they want a reward, it’ll be instantaneous and a ‘sure thing’. The lab animals start taking the reward for granted and even start to be less interested in trying to get it.

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In terms of texting, replying too soon (although great at first) over time can cause the other person to start to see you as less value. This results in the person having less of an urge to text you.

Back in the days when no one had mobile phones, days could go by before you picked up that phone to call, but in today’s modern age, texting has brought about a habit of quick replies and instant messaging and has inadvertently destroyed that sense of mystery. In the first throws of dating, the waiting game can help your feelings to grow, make you wonder and be more curious as to why they haven’t replied yet, what they’re up to and not knowing when you’ll get that buzz telling you their text has finally arrived!

So, hold off for a bit before hitting that reply button – let them wonder about you and get their dopamine levels rising high. It’s not about playing games but rather going by how our brains adapt to the lack of mystery and building up a sort of tension that finally gets released once that all-important reward has be received.

Featured photo credit: Kaboompics // Karolina via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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