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10 Ways to Get Your Kid (And You) Ready For Kindergarten

10 Ways to Get Your Kid (And You) Ready For Kindergarten

It won’t be long until I experience the bittersweet moment of dropping my child off for his first day of kindergarten. To be honest, I’ve been more than a bit of a wreck about it. So, I’ve done what most nervous mothers do, I asked my mother. I also asked my sister, two of my best friends, and a lovely woman from my book club.

How do I make sure my kid is ready for kindergarten? How do I make sure that I’m ready for kindergarten? Here are 10 tips that I have managed to scrape together from the great advice that I received.

1. Take a Trial Run of The Trips to And From School

Kids become anxious and even irritable when they don’t know what to expect. This is especially true when they are experiencing something entirely new. A few days before school starts, take a dry run. Walk or drive to the bus stop or to the school, whichever will be your normal routine. Be sure to drive the following points home:

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  • An adult will be there to drop them off and pick them up.
  • Somebody at school will help them to find their bus at the end of the day.
  • The importance of being still and quiet on the bus.

2. Teach Your Child Their Teacher’s Name

Your kid will feel more relaxed and is more likely to handle meeting their teacher with confidence if they know their teacher’s name ahead of time. Once you know the teacher’s name, help your child to memorize it. If you can find a picture on the school website, that can also help your kid feel better about getting to know them.

3. Connect With The School And Teacher on Social Media

Your school might have pages available on social media for connecting with teachers, administrators, support staff, and other parents. Find out if this is true, and join up. It’s a great way to reach out to other parents and to the school. In some cases, it might be a way to keep up with announcements.

4. Look Into Your Car-seat Situation

This is a great time to reconsider your car seat. First of all, if you aren’t using one, you should be. Even if the law doesn’t require it, kindergarteners should be secured in a car seat or a booster seat depending on their size. You should also check to be sure that your car seat has not expired, and that there are no recalls. Other tips for buying a child safety seat include:

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  • Buy only new car seats.
  • Have a car seat technician inspect your car seat and installation.
  • Buckle kids in the back seats only.

5. Encourage The Development of Motor Skills

Every school has different requirements when it comes to readiness and the development of motor skills. So, I won’t go into the exact details of that. However, I cannot empathize the importance of working on both fine and gross motor skills with your child. Here are some things you can do to help your child develop fine motor skills:

  • Making snakes, balls, or just squeezing play doh
  • Tearing paper into small pieces
  • Fastening, buttons, snaps, and zippers
  • Putting coins into a piggy bank
  • Cutting paper with scissors
  • Coloring, drawing, and tracing

Now for gross motor skills:

  • Climbing on playground equipment
  • Playing hopscotch
  • Jumping rope
  • Playing soccer
  • Jumping, hopping, skipping, and galloping

6. Teach Them Basic Manners And Age Appropriate Consideration For Others

Teach your children to say please and thank you. Teach them how to wait their turn. Show them by example how to apologize when they have hurt someone’s feeling. It’s not enough to simply know the actions behind good manners, teach them why these things are important as well.

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Your child’s teacher will thank you. Their friends will thank you. Other parents will thank you. The average four or five-year-old is mature enough to understand manners and consideration when presented in an age appropriate way.

7. Encourage Independence

Imagine being a teacher in charge of herding twenty to thirty-five children and too, six-year-olds. Now imagine if none of them could manage buttoning or zipping their clothing. Imagine having to supervise all of the students in your classroom while helping one of your students with basic tasks such as finding a folder in their desk or using the restroom. Finally, imagine trying to hold class when every student was coming to you to manage the tiniest of conflicts and frustrations.

You’d never get anything done. Please do what you can to teach your child basic self-care, and age-appropriate problem-solving skills. Then, when they really do need help, teach them to be patient while they wait for that help.

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8. Make Sure Your Child is up to Date on Immunizations

Be proactive. You don’t want to be the parent who receives notices that their child will be excluded from school because they are missing an important shot. Your doctor may have seen hundreds of kids for their school physicals. Take the time to ask them if your child needs any shots before they start kindergarten. As an extra precaution, get a copy of your child’s shot records to keep at home or in a safe deposit box.

9. Let Your Kid Take You Shopping

Do you remember when you went school supply shopping and picked out all of your folders, pencils, crayons, binders, and other items? Unfortunately, most school supply lists are so detailed that kids no longer have those choices. School clothing choices are often limited as well, even at public schools. This can certainly take the fun out of getting ready to start school.

Because of this, it is important to brighten things up by letting your child take the lead wherever they can. Let them take you shopping, and give them leeway to pick out their lunch box, socks, and any other small items that will make them feel as if they have at least some say in the back to school experience.

10. Make a Plan For Lunch or Snacks

Even if kindergarten only lasts half of the day, your child will probably eat at least a snack. They may even stay long enough for lunch. This can be more complicated than you think. Some schools require that you deposit money into an online account. Others sell lunch tickets or punch cards. It is unlikely that your child will be expected to carry his or her own money. Know what the expectations are, so that your child is prepared on the first day.

This is a nerve-wracking time for both you and your child.  Take deep breaths, and remember that this is a good thing. Before you know it, this will just be a wonderful memory you enjoy while preparing to send your beloved child off to college.

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Published on May 24, 2019

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

My husband and I facilitate a couple’s marriage and parenting group. Recently, the group discussed qualities, characteristics, and traits we wanted to see our children develop as they grow up. One term that came up that all parents seemed to upon agree as a highly valued trait was that of grit. The question from our group was:

“Can grit be taught to our children?”

The answer is, yes. Parents can help their child develop grit.

What is grit? Dr. Angela Duckworth is the top researcher on this subject and wrote the book Grit. She defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long term goals”. This new buzz word is popular in the adult realm, but what about our developing children? What if we could help our children develop grit as young children.

Grit is more crucial to success than IQ. Duckworth, through her research at Harvard, found that having grit was a better predictor for an individual’s success than IQ. This means having the smartest kid in the room doesn’t ensure any level of success in their future. They can be brilliant, but if they aren’t properly intrinsically motivated, they won’t be successful.

Grit determines long term success. If a child can’t pick themselves up and try again after a failure, then how are they going to be able to do it as adult?

What a gift it would be to our children to engage them in a manner that helps them recognize their passions, talents, and develop a persevere to purse their goals. Below are some tips on how to raise a confident child with grit.

1. Encouragement is Key

When a child wants to learn how to ride a bike, do they keep going after they fall down or do they quit after the first fall?

If they aren’t encouraged to get up and try again, and instead are coddled and told they can try again some other day, then they are being taught to play it safe.

Safe and coddled don’t exactly go hand-in-hand with building up grit. The child needs to be encouraged to try again. This can be a parent saying “you can do it, I believe in you” and “I know that even if you fall again you will try again and eventually you will get the hang of it”.

Encouragement to keep trying so that they can build up perseverance is very helpful in building a child’s confidence. This confidence is what will help them strike out and try again.

If they feel that they can’t do it or shouldn’t do it, then they won’t. The mind is a powerful thing. If a child believes that they can’t be successful in doing something, then they won’t be successful. Part of building that mentality of believing in themselves comes from encouragement from their parents, care givers, and teachers.

Cheer Them On

How many times have you heard a story of success that someone had in life that all began because someone believed in that person?

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A coach, a mom, a teacher can have a huge impact by believing in the child’s ability to be successful and voicing that encouragement to them. Words are powerful. Use them to build up a child, by telling them that they can do it even if they have try again and again.

Be their support system by being their cheerleader. Cheerleaders don’t just cheer when the team is winning. They cheer words of encouragement to keep the team going.

The same goes with children. We need to cheer for their successes, but also cheer for them to keep going and fighting the fight when life gets tough!

You Can’t Force Them

Keep in mind that you can’t force a child to keep trying. They have to do it themselves.

For example, when my daughter was learning to tie her shoes, it was a real struggle. She gave up. I couldn’t make her want to try to do it again. She had to take a break from the struggle for a few months and then try again.

She was more successful the second time around, because she had matured and her fine motor skills had improved. It would have been ridiculous for me to force her to practice tying her shoes for the three or four months in between, with tears and arguing taking place.

No, instead we took a break. She tried again later. Forcing her to learn something that she wasn’t ready to learn would have pit us against one another. That would have been a poor parenting move.

There are boundaries that parents can set though in some cases. For example, if your child begins an activity and wants to quit mid-season because they are terrible at the sport, you have the opportunity to keep them in the sport through the end of the season to show them that quitting is not an option.

Although they may not win another tennis match the rest of the season or win another swimming race all year long, finishing the commitment is important. It will help with the development of grit by teaching them to persevere through the defeat. It is character building.

If your child is great at all things all the time, they will not develop grit. They need to try things that challenge them. When they aren’t the best at something, or for that matter, the worst, it creates an opportunity for them feel real struggle. Real struggle builds real character.

2. Get Them out of Their Comfort Zone

My daughter wanted to try cheerleading this past fall. She has never done this activity in the past, nor is she particularly coordinated (sorry sweetie). For that matter, she couldn’t even do a cartwheel when cheer season began.

However, we signed up because she was so excited to become a cheerleader. I signed up to coach because there was a need for more cheer coaches. We were all-in at that point.

Once the season began, I quickly realized that cheerleading was far outside my daughter’s comfort zone. The idea of cheerleading was great in her mind. The reality of memorizing cheers and learning physical skills that were hard for her made the experience a struggle. She wanted to quit. I said to her “no, you were the one who wanted to do this, so we finish what we started.” I had to say this more than once. I don’t think anyone on the squad knew this was the case, because she kept at it.

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She kept practicing those cheers every evening. It did not come naturally to her at first, so it was uncomfortable. She always seemed to be half a beat behind the other cheerleaders, which made it very awkward and uncomfortable for her. However, letting her know that quitting mid-season was not an option made her try harder. She wanted to learn the cheers so she wouldn’t stand out on the squad as the girl who didn’t know what she is doing.

By the end of the season, she became a decent cheerleader. Not the best, but she was no longer half a beat behind the rest. She learned skills that were hard for her to conquer. Now that she felt success in achieving something that was uncomfortable and hard for her. She knows she has it in her to do that in other areas of life.

That is why it’s ok for us as parents to let our kids feel the struggle and be uncomfortable. If they don’t experience it when they are young, they will as adults, but they won’t be equipped with the perseverance and inner-strength built from years of working hard through smaller struggles as they grew up.

Allowing our children to struggle helps them build that skill of perseverance, so that they have the grit to achieve hard things in life that they really desire to accomplish.

3. Allow Them To Fail

Your child will fail at things in life. Let them. Do not swoop in and rescue your child from their personal failures. If they don’t fail, then they don’t have the opportunity to pick themselves up and try again.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheerleader once I realized that it was going to be a real struggle, she wouldn’t have experienced failure and struggle. Letting her have this small failure in life taught her lessons that can’t be taught in a classroom. She learned about the power she has within herself to try harder, to practice in order to make change happen, and to push through it even when you feel like giving up because it is embarrassing.

Failure is embarrassing. Learning to handle embarrassment is taking on a fear. When kids learn to do this at a young age, it is practice for adult life. They will experience failure as an adult. They will be better equipped to handle life’s disappointments and failures if they have learned to handle the fear of embarrassment and failure when they are young.

Practice builds up the skill. Processing and handling fear, embarrassment, and failure are skills.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheer and allowed her to quit, I would have taken from her the opportunity to learn how to process and handle the embarrassment and failure she was experiencing at each practice and games. She learned to keep trying and that practicing the skills would lessen the embarrassment and feelings of failure.

Learning the value of practice and how to preserve through the fear and failure are priceless lessons. We may want to rescue our children because we want them to be successful at the things that they do, but how will they be successful in this competitive world as adults if they are provided with only opportunities in which they succeed?

Failure is needed to learn to thrive. Success in adulthood does not come easy to children who are protected from failure because they haven’t built up the ability to persevere.

Perseverance comes when they have learned time and time again how to take the fear of embarrassment and failure head on and practice to get better.

4. Teach Them to Try Again

Encourage your child to try again. Don’t let them quit on the first try.

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Life is hard. If we quit the first time we tried at things, we would never amount to anything in life. We need to teach our children that trying again is simply part of life.

Help them to give it a go by providing encouragement and support. Offer to practice with them, provide them with tutoring or coaching if necessary — whatever it takes to get them back on the proverbial horse and trying again.

Break it Down

Sometimes failure occurs because they are trying something all at one time and they haven’t mastered the smaller components.

For example, a math student isn’t going to jump into calculus as their first high school math course. No, of course not. They build on their skills. They begin with basic math, then algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and pre-calculus to then they get to the calculus level.

If they are thrown into the deep end by taking on calculus before the foundation of their math skills are built, they will fail.

Help your child try again by breaking down what it is they are trying to achieve.

Going back to my cheer example… my daughter was not the best at learning the cheers when we began. It then dawned on me that we needed to break down each cheer phrase by phrase. Once we learned the phrase and movements that went with it, we could then learn the next one. Once these were learned, we could combine the phrases, practice them together, and then try to move to learn the next phrase in the cheer. It was a tedious process, but it worked.

Not all skills come easy for kids. Helping them learn the skill of breaking things down into manageable tasks is another way we teach them about grit. They are learning to build skills by persisting, practicing, and building upon previous experience, knowledge, and skills.

Grit is put into practice in childhood when they learn how to break down large tasks into smaller achievable tasks in order to build toward a greater goal.

5. Let Them Find Their Passion

Your child may be a wonderful pianist. However, if they aren’t passionate about the skill, then they likely won’t be happy or fulfilled in becoming a concert pianist.

It’s great to help your child discover their talents, but also let them discover what they are passionate about in life.

True success will come because they are passionate about the activity, not because they are the best. The best usually become that way because they are passionate first. Therefore, let your child experience a variety of activities and interests so that they can discover what they love to do.

6. Praise Their Efforts, Not the Outcome

Praising their efforts keeps them motivated and trying. If you focus on outcome, then when they fail, they will become defeated and discouraged.

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Focusing on the fact that they tried hard and pointing out specific ways that they did well in terms of effort will support them in trying again. When you make a habit of focusing on outcome, then failures are avoided at all costs, including taking risks.

Risks are needed in order to become successful. Therefore, make a habit of praising their efforts, even when the outcome is not what they had hoped and tried for, because eventually, if they keep trying their efforts will result in success.

7. Be a Model of Grit

If you are a parent or a caregiver for a child, then you are a model to that child. Children naturally look up to the adults in their life that are closest to them, especially their parents. They will look at your ability to persevere and achieve. Your grit will show.

Your children are watching. They may not know the term grit, but they will learn about working hard, not giving up, trying again after failure, and all that grit entails from your actions.

How you handle life is being watched by your children. You can work on your own grit by reading Angela Duckworth’s book Grit .

Develop a Growth Mindset

Helping your child develop a growth mindset is also helpful to your child in their development of grit. Dr. Dweck, author of Growth Mindset and researcher at Stanford, developed a theory of fixed versus growth mindset.

Basically, what it means is that if you have a fixed mindset, you will fear failure and easily give up. Someone with a growth mindset believes that their talents, skills, and abilities can be improved with hard work and learning. Parents and caregivers can help with the development of a growth mindset.

    Some of the ways that a growth mindset can be developed include:

    • Teaching your child how the brain works: neuron connections, right brain versus left brain.
    • Teach them to set goals.
    • Teach them to have a “can do” attitude.
    • Teach them to develop a strategy when they want to achieve something.
    • Teach them that mistakes are an opportunity to learn.
    • Teach them that failure is a normal part of life.
    • Teach them about self talk: Self Talk Determines Your Success

    There are a great deal of activities and materials online for helping your child develop a growth mindset including these resources below (each site contains at least some free content):

    The Bottom Line

    Grit is not just for adults, it is something we can help our children develop. Grit is more critical to success than IQ, so we should be helping our children develop this quality early in life.

    As a parent, being a model of grit, is one of the first ways to help our children become “gritty”.

    Featured photo credit: Gabriela Braga via unsplash.com

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