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6 Important Divorce Guidelines: Getting Out With Your Skin Intact

6 Important Divorce Guidelines: Getting Out With Your Skin Intact

Divorce isn’t just a traumatic event that causes great emotional and mental stress. It can also have material repercussions on the circumstances of your life that may be very evident years after the fact. Therefore, if you are already going through it, getting ready for it, or suspect that you may have to do so in near future, it’s a good idea to get acquainted with the following tips.

1. Make Sure You Actually Need A Divorce

Divorce is a big step, and its consequences aren’t easy to smooth over. Before you proceed with it, make sure it actually is necessary and there is no other method of reconciliation.

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If you went through a traumatic experience recently, give yourself time to heal – perhaps you will change your opinion once the dust settles. Go through therapy if necessary, and suggest the same for your spouse. Talk to a marriage counselor and in general do everything possible to save your marriage.

2. Be Very Careful When Choosing A Lawyer

Once the decision is made, the correct choice of lawyer is of paramount importance. Naturally, the first requirement should be a lawyer with prior experience in matrimonial law, somebody who has a good track record of finding good settlements for their clients.

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Another good idea is both parties hiring divorce lawyers who are acquainted with each other or, better yet, have a history of working together on similar cases and finding solutions that satisfied everybody. Avoid lawyers known for an all-or-nothing approach — it will prolong the proceedings and increase their paychecks, but not what you actually get in the end.

3. Don’t Take Any Action Without Talking To Your Lawyer

Unless you are a lawyer yourself, you don’t understand a lot of things about how law in general and divorce law in particular works. Any action you take or word you say can be used against you later on, resulting in a less-than-happy settlement in the court. In addition to that, laws are different in different states, which can result in even further complications.

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4. Don’t Move Out Of Your Home Before Talking It Over With A Lawyer

Your moving out of your marital home can be used as either a reason to force you to start paying alimony or cause problems with collecting it. Once you leave, you may not be able to return to it legally until the court proceedings are over, which can take quite a while. Unless your spouse is dangerously violent, you should stay in your house for as long as your attorney suggests.

5. Keep Track Of All Financial Records

The more hard evidence you have, the better. You may think you know your spouse, but practice shows that divorces get nasty more often than not, and you should be ready for any kind of treachery from your spouse. If you want to be able to protect yourself and your finances, you should be ready to have irrevocable proof that you are in the right.

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6. Don’t Let Emotions Control Your Actions

This is true both in the short and long term, both during the preliminary stages and during property division. Don’t give too much weight to your emotional attachment to your house and other belongings. Don’t let your spouse manipulate your behaviour — remember that they know you better than anybody else in the world and understand what makes you mad. Don’t ever show any behavior that can be evaluated as aggressive or violent — it can and will be used against you.

All in all, there is only one tip that is guaranteed to keep you safe: use your common sense, be logical, prepare for everything carefully — then, everything will be as alright as possible.

Featured photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/ via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Your work and routine life make you feel overwhelmed. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out…

If you’d like to stay calm and cool in stressful situations, put the following 8 steps into practice:

1. Breathe

The next time you’re faced with a stressful situation that makes you want to hurry, stop what you’re doing for one minute and perform the following steps:

  • Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale).
  • Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale.
  • Smile. Fake it if you have to. It’s pretty hard to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face.

Feel free to repeat the above steps every few hours at work or home if you need to.

2. Loosen up

After your breathing session, perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. Clenched jaw? Rounded shoulders? Anything else that isn’t at ease?

Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are under tension to encourage total relaxation. It might help to imagine you’re in a place that calms you: a beach, hot tub, or nature trail, for example.

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3. Chew slowly

Slow down at the dinner table if you want to learn to be patient and lose weight. Shoveling your food down as fast as you can is a surefire way to eat more than you need to (and find yourself with a bellyache).

Be a mindful eater who pays attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of every dish. Chew slowly while you try to guess all of the ingredients that were used to prepare your dish.

Chewing slowly will also reduce those dreadful late-night cravings that sneak up on you after work.

4. Let go

Cliche as it sounds, it’s very effective.

The thing that seems like the end of the world right now?

It’s not. Promise.

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Stressing and worrying about the situation you’re in won’t do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go.

Letting go isn’t easy, so here’s a guide to help you:

21 Things To Do When You Find It Hard To Let Go

5. Enjoy the journey

Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration.

Stop focusing on the negative thoughts. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.

6. Look at the big picture

The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

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Will this matter to me…

  • Next week?
  • Next month?
  • Next year?
  • In 10 years?

Hint: No, it won’t.

I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week, maybe not even the next day.

Stop agonizing over things you can’t control because you’re only hurting yourself.

7. Stop demanding perfection of yourself

You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a dirty liar.

Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out because it just isn’t possible.

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8. Practice patience every day

Below are a few easy ways you can practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in times of stress:

  • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
  • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
  • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

Final thoughts

Staying calm in stressful situations is possible, all you need is some daily practice.

Taking deep breaths and eat mindfully are some simple ways to train your brain to be more patient. But changing the way you think of a situation and staying positive are most important in keeping cool whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressful.

Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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