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Coping with Divorce: How to Make It Less Traumatic

Coping with Divorce: How to Make It Less Traumatic

Divorce is never easy or pleasant, even when both parties are reasonably amenable. However, it doesn’t mean you cannot take steps to make the entire experience more palatable, both in practical and emotional sense – and here are some suggestions on how to do so.

1. Learn Everything You Can About Your Joint Finances

Statistics show that about 40% of all divorce proceedings are mainly about money and property. So, if you want the things to go your way, you should be as aware of what your family owns as possible. Shared accounts and the passwords to them, investments, automatic payments, investment advisors and how to contact them – you should know all this information before you go to the court.

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2. Hire a Proper Lawyer

In choosing divorce lawyers, their reputation is probably even more important when you need legal advice for any other matter. You see, there is a breed of divorce lawyers that aren’t as much interested in helping you in settling the matters peaceably as prolonging the proceedings as much as possible, bloating up your fees and having you fight until the bitter end, making mortal enemies out of you and your former spouse even if you were on reasonably friendly terms before. When you hire a lawyer, you should find out how his former cases went and to what conclusions they came. You want a lawyer that predictably provides quick solutions that are fine by everyone.

3. Keep Copies of All Your Financial Records

Tax returns, account statements, life insurance info, stock certificates, receipt for the purchase of some costlier items, anything you can imagine – it is better to keep all these things around readily available and carefully hidden from your spouse. When you have documental proof, it is much easier to prove yourself to be in the right.

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4. Define Your Living Expenses

Your financial standing after the divorce is going to influence your life for a long, long time, probably for the entirety of your life. This means that decisions you make now are among the most important you are going to make, ever. Mistakes made due to lack of understanding or insufficient information are going to follow you around for years. Thus, defining your financial standing after the divorce is among the first things you have to find out. Figure out your current living expenses, in detail – if you don’t know what exactly you need, you cannot demand it in court and risk getting a poor settlement.

5. Expect Unexpected Expenses

You may think you’ve calculated all the potential costs of such a sudden change in your life, but reality is often different from what we expect, and problems may lurk around every corner. Try to keep a certain sum – at least $5,000 – set aside for such situations, and you will be ready for most of what life has to throw your way.

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6. Don’t Make Drastic Financial Decisions

People going through a divorce and feeling the consequence of this process are often prone to making rash, impulsive decisions not only in personal affairs but in financial and vocational spheres as well. Changing jobs, moving to another city or state, selling assets, things of this kind. If you are feeling an urge to do so, don’t. Wait it out. If the desire remains in half a year’s time, go through with it. But most likely you will grow out of it.

It is impossible to make divorce enjoyable – but it is more than possible to turn it into just another fact of life, an obstacle you have to overcome. It doesn’t need to be life-breaking – it all depends on how you behave.

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Featured photo credit: https://morguefile.com via morguefile.com

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Melissa Burns

Entrepreneur

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

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Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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