Coping with Divorce: How to Make It Less Traumatic

Coping with Divorce: How to Make It Less Traumatic

Divorce is never easy or pleasant, even when both parties are reasonably amenable. However, it doesn’t mean you cannot take steps to make the entire experience more palatable, both in practical and emotional sense – and here are some suggestions on how to do so.

1. Learn Everything You Can About Your Joint Finances

Statistics show that about 40% of all divorce proceedings are mainly about money and property. So, if you want the things to go your way, you should be as aware of what your family owns as possible. Shared accounts and the passwords to them, investments, automatic payments, investment advisors and how to contact them – you should know all this information before you go to the court.


2. Hire a Proper Lawyer

In choosing divorce lawyers, their reputation is probably even more important when you need legal advice for any other matter. You see, there is a breed of divorce lawyers that aren’t as much interested in helping you in settling the matters peaceably as prolonging the proceedings as much as possible, bloating up your fees and having you fight until the bitter end, making mortal enemies out of you and your former spouse even if you were on reasonably friendly terms before. When you hire a lawyer, you should find out how his former cases went and to what conclusions they came. You want a lawyer that predictably provides quick solutions that are fine by everyone.

3. Keep Copies of All Your Financial Records

Tax returns, account statements, life insurance info, stock certificates, receipt for the purchase of some costlier items, anything you can imagine – it is better to keep all these things around readily available and carefully hidden from your spouse. When you have documental proof, it is much easier to prove yourself to be in the right.


4. Define Your Living Expenses

Your financial standing after the divorce is going to influence your life for a long, long time, probably for the entirety of your life. This means that decisions you make now are among the most important you are going to make, ever. Mistakes made due to lack of understanding or insufficient information are going to follow you around for years. Thus, defining your financial standing after the divorce is among the first things you have to find out. Figure out your current living expenses, in detail – if you don’t know what exactly you need, you cannot demand it in court and risk getting a poor settlement.

5. Expect Unexpected Expenses

You may think you’ve calculated all the potential costs of such a sudden change in your life, but reality is often different from what we expect, and problems may lurk around every corner. Try to keep a certain sum – at least $5,000 – set aside for such situations, and you will be ready for most of what life has to throw your way.


6. Don’t Make Drastic Financial Decisions

People going through a divorce and feeling the consequence of this process are often prone to making rash, impulsive decisions not only in personal affairs but in financial and vocational spheres as well. Changing jobs, moving to another city or state, selling assets, things of this kind. If you are feeling an urge to do so, don’t. Wait it out. If the desire remains in half a year’s time, go through with it. But most likely you will grow out of it.

It is impossible to make divorce enjoyable – but it is more than possible to turn it into just another fact of life, an obstacle you have to overcome. It doesn’t need to be life-breaking – it all depends on how you behave.


Featured photo credit: via

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Melissa Burns


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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Your work and routine life make you feel overwhelmed. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out…

If you’d like to stay calm and cool in stressful situations, put the following 8 steps into practice:

1. Breathe

The next time you’re faced with a stressful situation that makes you want to hurry, stop what you’re doing for one minute and perform the following steps:

  • Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale).
  • Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale.
  • Smile. Fake it if you have to. It’s pretty hard to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face.

Feel free to repeat the above steps every few hours at work or home if you need to.

2. Loosen up

After your breathing session, perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. Clenched jaw? Rounded shoulders? Anything else that isn’t at ease?

Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are under tension to encourage total relaxation. It might help to imagine you’re in a place that calms you: a beach, hot tub, or nature trail, for example.


3. Chew slowly

Slow down at the dinner table if you want to learn to be patient and lose weight. Shoveling your food down as fast as you can is a surefire way to eat more than you need to (and find yourself with a bellyache).

Be a mindful eater who pays attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of every dish. Chew slowly while you try to guess all of the ingredients that were used to prepare your dish.

Chewing slowly will also reduce those dreadful late-night cravings that sneak up on you after work.

4. Let go

Cliche as it sounds, it’s very effective.

The thing that seems like the end of the world right now?

It’s not. Promise.


Stressing and worrying about the situation you’re in won’t do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go.

Letting go isn’t easy, so here’s a guide to help you:

21 Things To Do When You Find It Hard To Let Go

5. Enjoy the journey

Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration.

Stop focusing on the negative thoughts. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.

6. Look at the big picture

The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:


Will this matter to me…

  • Next week?
  • Next month?
  • Next year?
  • In 10 years?

Hint: No, it won’t.

I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week, maybe not even the next day.

Stop agonizing over things you can’t control because you’re only hurting yourself.

7. Stop demanding perfection of yourself

You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a dirty liar.

Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out because it just isn’t possible.


8. Practice patience every day

Below are a few easy ways you can practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in times of stress:

  • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
  • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
  • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

Final thoughts

Staying calm in stressful situations is possible, all you need is some daily practice.

Taking deep breaths and eat mindfully are some simple ways to train your brain to be more patient. But changing the way you think of a situation and staying positive are most important in keeping cool whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressful.

Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via

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