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So You Hired a Tutor, Now What?

So You Hired a Tutor, Now What?

If you’ve hired a tutor for your child, obviously you’ve decided your child needs more help than you can provide on the given topic. However, you may discover there are more questions than answers, like who decides what is covered, how much time is enough, should there be homework, and when is tutoring no longer needed? Before we can answer those questions, you need to know a few things yourself.

Why did you hire a tutor?

Not all families hire a tutor for the same reason. If your child needs help to learn a specific concept like borrowing in subtraction or to improve a general subject area like writing, the answers to those first questions will be different. Are you simply looking for homework support, help with overall organization, or is there a specific project to be completed? Many families find alternate ways to provide extra academic support without the extra expense (ie. neighbors, family, friends, sitters, au pairs, nannies, after-school, community, church or library programs).

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Make sure you set a goal before you hire a tutor

    Be sure you know why you have a tutor and have an idea of what to expect out of the relationship. After all, you are likely paying upwards of $25-$40 per hour for an experienced tutor (or even more from chains like TutorDoctor). Many tutors have basic ground rules, like communicate about changes to schedules, specifics of what will be covered, payment details, etc. Be clear with regard to these details whenever possible. Kids should know, too, that the tutor is here to help with a specific task and is to be treated as a professional.

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    Who decides what is covered?

    That depends on your reason for hiring. If you need a specific project completed, a specific skill mastered or regular homework help, the work of the tutor is mainly driven by the assignment at hand (ie. topic of the project, homework assigned that night). If a child is attempting to master subtraction with borrowing, for example, the tutor may use examples from the book, homework assignments, or provide manipulatives to practice the concept like base ten blocks, chips or others. If a child needs homework help, it would not make sense for the tutor to bring in extra work or make up additional assignments to add to the load. In my experience, parents do not provide materials or dictate specific content but may have suggestions about what might work best for their child. Both must have input; after all, it is the tutor who has the academic knowledge and the parent who knows their child best.

    Should there be homework?

    The answer again depends on the reason for tutoring.  If the tutor is hired to support the completion of some assignment or project, there should be interim steps completed without the tutor’s assistance. Progress should not come to a screeching halt without the tutor. Kids need to learn proactive steps to help themselves whenever possible, even if they will struggle. Encourage ownership and work ethic in every child, rather than dependence on others.

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    If you’ve hired a tutor to help with homework or organization, the “homework” should be to accurately complete daily assignments, write in a daily agenda or planner, and keep folders organized until the next meeting. While tutoring may occur once or twice a week, kids who need organizational support often need daily check-ins. This may happen by phone or email with a tutor, or become a task assigned to a parent, sitter or older sibling between tutoring sessions. Teachers may be willing to work with a tutor to provide consistent support from week to week.

    When is tutoring no longer needed?

    Naturally, the answer varies. For the individual who needs to improve organization or overall writing skills, there may be no clear end date. It may be when the student or parents feel there has been some progress, or a change in school year, teacher, attitude or approach may eliminate the need for tutoring. Often just the process of having a tutor, discussing the process of learning and becoming more aware of the steps to success will result in students taking more responsibility for their learning.

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    Generally speaking, with regular and focused sessions (on a specific concept, task or assignment), positive results may be seen right away or within a couple of weeks. Effort on the part of the student is required, though, for improvement and success. While I have tutored some kids for as long as two school years, the purpose and goals morphed over time with my students, responding to needs as they arose.

    Is it over yet?

    For whatever reason you decided to hire a tutor, be sure you have an idea of what your child’s learning or behavior will look like when he or she no longer needs the extra help. It may be that your child matures, finds success where he or she had struggled, or completes the desired project or assignment. When you feel the tutor has been successful or helpful to your child, ask your child to determine if he or she feels the same. Don’t pull the rug out from under a kid who still needs help, but also make sure your kid knows you may not pay for extra help indefinitely.

    On the other hand, if you’ve been paying a tutor and see no change after several weeks, it is fair to look for alternate ways to support your child (which you may have done before hiring a tutor). Talk to your child. Is there something he or she could be doing differently, does he or she have a desire to improve or are there other issues needing addressing? Even the best tutor with the most patience and the newest manipulatives cannot cure a bad attitude or motivate an unmotivated person. Consider a tutor as extra support, guided practice or help in times of struggle, not the solution to every academic or educational pitfall.

    Featured photo credit: Shutterstock via pixabay.com

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    Joan Lowell

    Educator, Writer

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    Published on December 14, 2018

    14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

    14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

    According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

    One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

    But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

    1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

    Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

    Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

    Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

    2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

    At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

    Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

    Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

    Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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    3. Build a Community

    In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

    Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

    4. Accept Help

    Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

    There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

    5. Get Creative with Childcare

    Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

    If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

    When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

    6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

    As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

    Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

    7. Create a Routine

    Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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    If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

    Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

    8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

    If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

    When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

    This article may help you to discipline your child better:

    How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

    9. Stay Positive

    Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

    Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

    Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

    10. Move Past the Guilt

    In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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    Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

    Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

    11. Answer Questions Honestly

    Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

    Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

    Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

    12. Treat Kids Like Kids

    In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

    There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

    Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

    13. Find Role Models

    Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

    Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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    Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

    14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

    Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

    Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

    Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

    Final Thoughts

    Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

    However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

    Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

    More Resources About Parenting

    Featured photo credit: Bruno Nascimento via unsplash.com

    Reference

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