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3 Hacks To Help You Deepen A Conversation And Get To Know Someone Better

3 Hacks To Help You Deepen A Conversation And Get To Know Someone Better

Introducing yourself to someone, networking with people, making a friend, arguing with someone – all these human interactions begin with one simple thing: conversation. Without a conversation, two people would never get to know about each other, or learn if the other is compatible or not.

Conversations are important. They let you express your feelings. They help you understand what the other person is trying to say. They let you know if the other person is a kind, generous and helpful human being, or just a nasty and mean person. But sometimes it is difficult to have a meaningful conversation. We are unsure how to proceed and what to say. It can seem like a daunting task. So here are three hacks to deepen the conversation with another person to get to know them better.

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Share a mutual interest

One of the best ways to start and deepen a conversation is to find a mutual interest. It could be anything, starting from the most common topics like movies, actors, a new restaurant, or something more serious like politics or global affairs. Whichever it is, having something common helps people to bond over this shared interest, and allows deeper conversation, than to just continue with small talk. For example, I became best friends with a guy in university while talking about Pokemon. So discovering the topics to bond over and have a conversation with can come from anywhere.

When you talk about a topic that both participants in a conversation has interest in, it becomes easier to feel companionship towards the other person. It helps you feel relaxed and allows you to be happy. This in turn affects what you think about the other person’s character. If the other person has a similar interest on a topic like you, it tends to make that person more likable.

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Rant

This seems like an odd way to have a conversation, but hear me out first. Ranting occurs when you feel stressed out about something. When you are feeling unhappy and need someone to listen to you, having a rant can often lead to having a deep conversation. When you are upset and you keep talking about your negative feelings, you can judge you is actually lending you an ear, and who is just pretending. This helps in differentiating between different people’s characters. Also, ranting helps you let out steam and feel lighter.

One of my present best friends emerged when we used to rant together about university and studies. When you rant about something, judging by the other person’s reactions, you can tell if they are also into it in the same as you are. When you are annoyed about something and you discover that another person also feels the same way about the same thing, then having that conversation helps you feel less alone and provide a sense of belonging.

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For example, any time I got frustrated with problems in classes, I would rant with this other girl who was in the same year as me. Over time, we developed a really good friendship since we both were usually in the same page, and thus could have an expressive conversation whenever we sat down for a chat. Who would have thought that all those evening rants would help so much?

Be a genuine responder

Sometimes, the reason we do not get into a deep conversation is because we forget to respond, or don’t respond genuinely. A response can be anything, giving our shoulder for the other person to cry on, listening instead of talking, trying to comprehend the other person’s point of view. Ask question, inquire about the other person’s wishes, maybe tell a personal story that you are comfortable with sharing in such a conversation. Sometimes it is better to listen to other person instead of talking. Everyone should have turns to express themselves in a conversation.

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Having a good response allows the other person to feel comfortable and open up more, and thus deepening the conversation. I have a friend with whom I don’t always have time to talk with every day. But from time to time, we decide to sit down together and have long chats over dinner or coffee. Response becomes the key here. Sometimes I talk and she listens, and then offers her sympathy or some advice. Then she starts speaking and I listen, to understand and to care. It is a mutual relation, and without having genuine responses, our conversations would not have been so deep.

Sometimes, despite following these life hacks, you may still end up with not much to say, but that’s OK. The key point is to keep trying. When you meet a like-minded person, you will notice the ease with which the conversation will flow.

Also, remember that disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean you have to be disagreeable. It is perfectly rational to not agree with all the points when having a conversation with someone, but mutual respect should still remain so as to not ending the conversation on a bad note.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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