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Why Couples Who Post Less About Their Relationships On Social Media Are Happier

Why Couples Who Post Less About Their Relationships On Social Media Are Happier

Social media is so popular these days that it almost is like having a drug addiction. If you think about it, what would you do on your phone when you’re bored if you didn’t have the apps to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.? It is so important now that it literally has the power to destroy relationships.

Discussing whether or not those relationships were solid is a completely different conversation. Before social media, people had plenty of privacy. Now people have become so involved they no longer know the difference between privacy and what is intentionally being kept a secret. Arguments can get started in a relationship when one person wants to keep the relationship from becoming “official” on social media to keep it private. As a result, the other person may feel that their significant other is trying to keep the relationship a secret.

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If you ever feel that you need social media to validate the relationship you are in, perhaps the person you are with is wrong for you.

Live in the here and now

Sometimes couples get so engulfed in social media that they spend more time posting about their relationship that they aren’t really enjoying it in the present moment fully. When they’re out, they’re updating their status on where they are instead of just putting the phone down and enjoying their time with their significant other.

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When two people are in a relationship and choose to keep it off social media it allows for the couple to completely enjoy the time they are spending together while getting the most out of the experience they share. Being in this mindset, the couples know they don’t have anything to prove to anyone but to each other. They tend to be happier and much more secure with themselves and with each other.

Seek validation from your partner instead of through social media

Some couples post frequently on social media to create the illusion that everything in their relationship is perfect. Have you ever then seen that same couple in real life and it sometimes seems as though they truly cannot be bothered with each other? It’s true, and it happens more than you’d think. Sometimes people are unhappy in their relationship so they post a picture with their significant other, receive positive comments and a ton of likes, and somehow they can receive the validation that they should be getting from their partner.

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If you’re in a relationship with someone and you feel that you may have done this before, don’t beat yourself up over it because truthfully, most of us have probably done it at one point or another. When you’re feeling like you need some validation in your relationship, it’s important to remember that going to your partner and expressing your needs is the best way to do it. Put the phone down, communication is key.

Keep others out of your business

When someone gets mad at their significant other or has a problem, they use their status to broadcast the problem for everyone to know about. In most cases, the person who posts the status will get an obnoxious amount of comments that are really just irrelevant opinions. This opens the gates to letting people in on your personal business.

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When this happens, nosey people become involved in your relationship. They act like they care enough about you to find out exactly what’s going on in your relationship just so they can turn around and have something to gossip about. Soon enough everyone knows your business and honestly, we all know that’s how rumors start.

Please keep in mind that a relationship is for two people, and it’s important to keep many things about the relationship private. The good and the bad.

Pressures of social media

The problem with social media is that its initial purpose is now being used by some as a personal diary. Some people can’t seem to wake up and do anything before posting about their personal life]. For example, I have seen posts on social media from a girl I know who likes to make public announcements when her boyfriend isn’t “acting right”. Tons of people swarm in and leave their two cents. This girl has three children. Not only is she embarrassing herself and the father of her children, but also her children. People do not understand the influence social media has on others. When this girl and her boyfriend kiss and makeup, she makes a point to post on social media about how everything is going well and they are doing better than ever. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to feel the need to constantly update people on what is going on in your personal life.

In closing, everyone knows that not every relationship is always rainbows and butterflies. As you and your partner experience life together you are certainly going to have disagreements and strains on your relationship. As previously stated, when two people come together in a relationship, it is special and it is sacred. Do your best to keep your relationship private. Put your phone away and enjoy the time you have with them.

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Erica Wagner

Erica is a passionate writer who shares inspiring ideas and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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