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Many People Get Stuck At The Third Stage Of Love – What To Do To Be The Exceptional Ones?

Many People Get Stuck At The Third Stage Of Love – What To Do To Be The Exceptional Ones?

All romantic relationships are unique in their own way, but they also have many things in common. Most people who start a relationship want to find genuine, lasting love, whether they are in their 20s or their 60s. However, lots of relationships break down and both partners are left wondering why. They might think that they found the wrong person or that they are not ready for a long-term relationship – but the problem might be that they can’t get past Stage Three.

Jed Diamond is an author who created the five stages of love. He believes that most people think that stage three is the end of their relationship, when in reality it is the beginning of long-term love.

If you want to know how to make a relationship last, you need to understand the five stages of love.

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How To Make A Relationship Last Using The Five Stages Of Love

1. Falling in Love

The first stage of love is falling in love. Falling in love feels amazing as our bodies have higher levels of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, estrogen and testosterone. At this point you think that the person you love is wonderful, and you tend to focus on their best traits rather than their worst traits.

While this does feel great, it can give people slightly unrealistic rose-tinted glasses, especially when you consider that people in love can also pin their hopes and dreams on their new love. If you want to find a love that will last, try to be aware that your love isn’t perfect; they have good traits and bad traits, just like anyone else.

2. Starting A Relationship

Stage Two happens when the love deepens and both people are ready to join as a couple. The couple will make some kind of commitment towards each other; maybe they will get engaged, or buy a home together, or have children. This gives the couple the chance to bond even more and learn more about each other.

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The honeymoon period is now over, and the couple find their relationship emotionally fulfilling and satisfying, rather than exciting and new. This creates a sense of security that can be destroyed if the couple do not make it past Stage Three.

3. Becoming Disillusioned

If you really want to know how to make a relationship last, you and your partner must be able to move past Stage Three together. Stage Three is when both partners become disillusioned with each other, which can signal the end of the relationship or marriage. Both partners start to feel less loved, and they will start fighting and disagreeing more. This can cause both partners to feel angry and withdrawn; they may even start to feel trapped.

If you want to make your relationship last, you and your partner must both accept that this stage is natural and normal. You can choose to push each other away and become withdrawn, or you can focus on your initial love for each other and try to solve the problems that arise. If you do this, the relationship will continue and you will have a newfound love and respect for each other. Remember that the problems aren’t caused by the fact that you are with the wrong person; they are natural problems that arise in any happy, long-term relationship.

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4. Creating Lasting Love Together

The fourth step is creating a happy, lasting love together. Together you and your partner need to sit down and get to the core of what causes problems in your relationship. Maybe your partner had a difficult childhood, which means that they struggle to show emotion. Maybe you had a bad relationship and you often worry that your partner will treat you like you ex did.

This step is important as you both need to address and understand your emotional wounds. If you don’t, you will continue to hurt each other without understanding why. Your partner loves you, and they should be able to see you and love you for who you are.

5. Using Your Love To Influence Others

The final step is using your love to improve the lives of others. If two people can work past their problems and find happiness together, they share a powerful love. They can push this love out into the world around them; they can share it with their friends, families and co-workers to encourage them and improve their lives.

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By understanding the five stages of love, you’ll be able to better understand the progression of your relationship. You’ll be able to better work things out when issues occur.

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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