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4 Things To Do When in A Long Distance Relationship.

4 Things To Do When in A Long Distance Relationship.

A relationship in general is a challenging adventure. Being in love, accepting and adapting is a complicated puzzle even if you live near your partner. It gets even more stressful when you’re in a long-distance relationship. You lack physical contact and the only way you’re able to show your love is through social media.

Unlike the times of Romeo and Juliet, we are now blessed with technology. We are now brought closer through Facebook, Skype, and other forms of communication. In the digital world, how can you create trust and how can you be genuine? This is the typical question asked by many.

Here are four tips to make your long-distance relationship work.

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1. Create Routine Of Communication

Communication is key in any relationship. It’s the one element that keeps the relationship progressing and unique. In many ways, most couples fail at this point in a long-distance relationship. Different lifestyles, routines, and even time zones allow one to forget their priorities, especially in a relationship.

Sometimes we expect that if we are far apart we have to constantly keep in touch, texting and talking 24/7. If that doesn’t happen, we tend to lose hope and confidence. This then results in unprecedented conflicts and stress. which could put a strain on your relationship. How do you find a balance in communication ?

You create a routine. A routine of communication, a plan where you know when you both will be available to talk to each other without distractions. A time frame will allow you guys to savor the moment and grow the trust within your relationship . A schedule may seem like you’re drifting apart, but this is the one way you can keep your partner calm and your relationship healthy whilst having your own life.

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2. Share Your World

I realize it’s hard to actually share your world when you’re not right next to each other. It’s hard to make each other feel and enjoy the thrills of another world. However, you can share tips, pictures, videos and voice messages despite the fact your partner may not reply to you. Keeping your loved one in the loop is one way to ensure you’re part of each other’s world.

For example, when my partner and I are miles apart, I’m constantly sending him pictures, videos and voice messages. He gets to see what I’m wearing and eating for the day and he does the same in return. We make each other feel at ease while moving on with our lives.

Distance doesn’t mean you can’t be part of each other’s world. You just need to find out ways to stay in communication.

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3. Travel Together

Couples that I’ve crossed in the past often tell me that their relationships came to an end due to the distance between them. They claim to still be in love, but aren’t willing to make the sacrifices it takes to make a relationship work. Instead, they settle for what would be the “next best choice.” I personally find this unfair to both yourself and the other individual.

Therefore, we came up with a strategy: we travel together. We start off by planning our next visit or meet up and a month or two before, we decide on the destination. Oftentimes, I get the evil eye of how flawed our relationship is , however, that doesn’t bother either of us because we are creating memories all over the world together.

For example, one of the places I would recommend for a romantic getaway is Lanzarote Island which is located in the cluster of the Canary Islands. It’s an island made for couples. Not only do you enjoy the fine peaceful walks, nature, and beautiful blue water, but you’ll also enjoy amazing wine and the best dining experience with a magnificent view.

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4. Ignore the Rumors

Being in a distant relationship can be taxing for the mind and the soul. When you watch couples holding hands and cuddling together, your heart aches due to your partner being so far. Sometimes your friends and family may find it ridiculous to have a relationship constantly depending on technology.

All the rumors and judgments might just seep into your soul, causing you to not only be bitter but also to show resentment towards your relationship. What you don’t realize is that you’re constantly pumping negative energy into your relationship which eventually could make those who are involved in this constant drama tired .

So what do you do? Complain less and embrace the uniqueness of your relationship. Accept the fact that all relationships are different and by accepting it you’re acknowledging the sincerity of your relationship. Always have faith towards one another because in a long run that’s what’s going to help your relationship prosper.

Relationships whether near or far are generally hard. Embrace the uniqueness and keep the negativity away and you’ll be fine.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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