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9 Signs of Dissatisfaction and How to Overcome Them

9 Signs of Dissatisfaction and How to Overcome Them

Feeling dissatisfied or super unmotivated? Don’t worry – you’re not alone. No matter whether it involves a job, spouse or even your own life, we’ve all experienced dissatisfaction at some point. And those of us that have been there lately know how easy it is to get dragged down by the sluggish mood or attitude.

Before you start worrying, first understand that feeling dissatisfied is not the end of the world. In fact, with a little help and action, you can move past these negative feelings and turn the situation into a positive. Wondering How? Well, you know the old adage, “It’s not necessarily the problem, but how you respond to the problem”? It’s especially true with dissatisfaction, so in order to overcome, you’ll need to work on developing the insight, maturity and skills needed to identify and appropriately respond to signs of dissatisfaction. To help with this process, here are 8 common signs of dissatisfaction—and what to do about them.

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1. Dwindling Attention Span

If you’re having trouble focusing on a task, it’s a clear sign of dissatisfaction. The dissatisfaction may be the result of working on a task that you can’t stand, or you may be unsatisfied with your current strategy. Whatever the reason, it’s time to take a step back. Pause. Breathe. Stop working for a moment, and remove yourself from the situation. Take a moment to calm yourself, then assess the situation and figure out why it deserves your attention in the first place. If it does, this is your opportunity to determine what’s keeping you from focusing. If it doesn’t, there is a broader issue you may need to consider to solve the problem.

2. Isolation

Spending a lot of time at home? Having trouble getting out and meeting up with friends? Isolation is often a sign of dissatisfaction, and allowing the dissatisfied to continue will only make the situation worse. The bottom line is that getting out and communicating is the only way to push through isolation. Forcing yourself to interact with others may be uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier as you start to break through the pattern of isolation.

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3. Lacking Motivation

Sometimes, getting started is the hardest part of completing a task. If you’re dissatisfied or disengaged, it can be even harder to find motivation. Gamification can be a great way to find motivation. Give yourself milestones to achieve, and set up a system of rewards that will motivate you to finish your tasks. Delaying tasks only makes motivation more difficult to gain, so get started as soon as you can.

4. Tired

If you’re sleepwalking through the day like a zombie, there’s a pretty high chance that you’re unmotivated. Lots of people who are bored and dissatisfied with spending their day at a desk battle fatigue on a regular basis. Coffee isn’t a long-term fix, and a caffeine addiction can make it even harder to find the energy you need as you’ll have to drink more and more to get the same effects. Instead, turn to exercise, which is a great tool for improving energy, focus and productivity. It might seem counterintuitive, but working out can be one of the best methods for developing and maintaining long-term sources of energy. Prioritize your workouts, and watch your energy increase.

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5. Irritable

Snapping at colleagues and loved ones, or complaining about your job and life are sure signs of dissatisfaction. Don’t let irritation take over–instead, take deep breaths before you speak or act. Meditation is a great way to become more mindful of your words and actions, and can help you identify the underlying cause of your irritation.

6. Focusing On the Past

No matter whether if it relates to relationships, jobs or simply fun events, thinking too much about the past can be a major signal of dissatisfaction. This form of dissatisfaction can be potentially harmful to growth (be it personal or relationship) as those stuck in the past often have difficulty seeing and interpreting current events and opportunities. To work out of this funk, remind yourself of what is important in your life in the present, and develop ideas for working toward your goals rather than focusing on past accomplishments or failures.

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7. Poor Communication

Another clear sign of dissatisfaction is poor communication. Whether aware of it or not, a dissatisfied individual will have difficulty in honestly and effectively communicating with peers, friends and/or spouse. There are a number of causes for this dissatisfaction, which range from personal doubts to trust issues to feeling neglected. Sadly, as a result of poor communication, dissatisfaction and its causes often become worse, so it’s extremely important to proactively express your feelings and work out your concerns. Remember, healthy relationships, be they at home or at work, thrive on honesty, empathy, and tact.

8. Unhealthy Eating Habits

Stressed? Dissatisfied? Unsure of whether you’re stressed or dissatisfied? A key sign of this is unhealthy or over-eating, especially if it has developed into a habit. Now I know habits tend to be thought of as a daily occurrence, but situational habits should also be considered. Situational habits occur when particular cravings arise with emotions or situations, such as stress at work. Although it may temporarily feel good, these unhealthy food choices not only make you feel worse, they can also be a sign of underlying issues. Take a look at what might be influencing your poor diet, then work to eliminate those stresses from your life.

9. Procrastination

Not only have we all procrastinated, but we’ve all procrastinated and eventually regretted it. Yet, rather than learning, some of us just repeat the process over again! Even though it may not be fun, there’s really only one way to solve this problem: get it done! You’ll only feel more dissatisfied and overwhelmed the more you procrastinate. Eliminate the tasks you dislike first—then reward yourself with a more enjoyable project.

Featured photo credit: drpowellhealth.com via drpowellhealth.com

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Last Updated on March 21, 2019

11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

Most gurus talk about habits in a way that doesn’t help you:

You need to push yourself more. You can’t be lazy. You need to wake up at 5 am. You need more motivation. You can never fail…blah blah “insert more gibberish here.”

But let me share with you the unconventional truths I found out:

To build and change habits, you don’t need motivation or wake up at 5 am. Heck, you can fail multiple times, be lazy, have no motivation and still pull it off with ease.

It’s quite simple and easy to do, especially with the following list I’m going to show to you. But remember, Jim Rohn used to say,

“What is simple and easy to do is also simple and easy not to do.”

The important things to remember when changing your habits are both simple and easy, just don’t think that they don’t make any difference because they do.

In fact, they are the only things that make a difference.

Let’s see what those small things are, shall we?

1. Start Small

The biggest mistake I see people doing with habits is by going big. You don’t go big…ever. You start small with your habits.

Want to grow a book reading habit? Don’t start reading a book a day. Start with 10 pages a day.

Want to become a writer? Don’t start writing 10,000 words a day. Start with 300 words.

Want to lose weight? Don’t stop eating ice cream. Eat one less ball of it.

Whatever it is, you need to start small. Starting big always leads to failure. It has to, because it’s not sustainable.

Start small. How small? The amount needs to be in your comfort zone. So if you think that reading 20 pages of a book is a bit too much, start with 10 or 5.

It needs to appear easy and be easy to do.

Do less today to do more in a year.

2. Stay Small

There is a notion of Kaizen which means continuous improvement. They use this notion in habits where they tell you to start with reading 1 page of a book a day and then gradually increase the amount you do over time.

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But the problem with this approach is the end line — where the “improvement” stops.

If I go from reading 1 page of a book a day and gradually reach 75 and 100, when do I stop? When I reach 1 book a day? That is just absurd.

When you start a habit, stay at it in the intensity you have decided. Don’t push yourself for more.

I started reading 20 pages of a book a day. It’s been more than 2 years now and I’ve read 101 books in that period. There is no way I will increase the number in the future.

Why?

Because reading 40 to 50 books a year is enough.

The same thing applies to every other habit out there.

Pick a (small) number and stay at it.

3. Bad Days Are 100 Percent Occurrence

No matter how great you are, you will have bad days where you won’t do your habit. Period.

There is no way of going around this. So it’s better to prepare yourself for when that happens instead of thinking that it won’t ever happen.

What I do when I miss a day of my habit(s) is that I try to bounce back the next day while trying to do habits for both of those days.

Example for that is if I read 20 pages of a book a day and I miss a day, the next day I will have to read 40 pages of a book. If I miss writing 500 words, the next day I need to write 1000.

This is a really important point we will discuss later on rewards and punishments.

This is how I prepare for the bad days when I skip my habit(s) and it’s a model you should take as well.

4. Those Who Track It, Hack It

When you track an activity, you can objectively tell what you did in the past days, weeks, months, and years. If you don’t track, you will for sure forget everything you did.

There are many different ways you can track your activities today, from Habitica to a simple Excel sheet that I use, to even a Whatsapp Tracker.

Peter Drucker said,

“What you track is what you do.”

So track it to do it — it really helps.

But tracking is accompanied by one more easy activity — measuring.

5. Measure Once, Do Twice

Peter Drucker also said,

“What you measure is what you improve.”

So alongside my tracker, I have numbers with which I measure doses of daily activities:

For reading, it’s 20 pages.
For writing, it’s 500 words.
For the gym, it’s 1 (I went) or 0 (didn’t go).
For budgeting, it’s writing down the incomes and expenses.

Tracking and measuring go hand in hand, they take less than 20 seconds a day but they create so much momentum that it’s unbelievable.

6. All Days Make a Difference

Will one day in the gym make you fit? It won’t.

Will two? They won’t.

Will three? They won’t.

Which means that a single gym session won’t make you fit. But after 100 gym sessions, you will look and feel fit.

What happened? Which one made you fit?

The answer to this (Sorites paradox)[1] is that no single gym session made you fit, they all did.

No single day makes a difference, but when combined, they all do. So trust the process and keep on going (small).

7. They Are Never Fully Automated

Gurus tell you that habits become automatic. And yes, some of them do, like showering a certain way of brushing your teeth.

But some habits don’t become automatic, they become a lifestyle.

What I mean by that is that you won’t automatically “wake up” in the gym and wonder how you got there.

It will just become a part of your lifestyle.

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The difference is that you do the first one automatically, without conscious thought, while the other is a part of how you live your life.

It’s not automatic, but it’s a decision you don’t ponder on or think about — you simply do it.

It will become easy at a certain point, but they will never become fully automated.

8. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Marshall Goldsmith has a great book with the same title to it. The phrase means that sometimes, you will need to ditch certain habits to make room for other ones which will bring you to the next step.

Don’t be afraid to evolve your habits when you sense that they don’t bring you where you want to go.

When I started reading, it was about reading business and tactic books. But two years into it, I switched to philosophy books which don’t teach me anything “applicable,” but instead teach me how to think.

The most important ability of the 21st century is the ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn. The strongest tree is the willow tree – not because it has the strongest root or biggest trunk, but because it is flexible enough to endure and sustain anything.

Be like a willow, adapting to the new ways of doing things.

9. Set a Goal and Then Forget It

The most successful of us know what they want to achieve, but they don’t focus on it.

Sounds paradoxical? You’re right, it does. But here is the logic behind it.

You need to have a goal of doing something – “I want to become a healthy individual” – and then, you need to reverse engineer how to get there with your habits- “I will go to the gym four times a week.”

But once you have your goal, you need to “forget” about it and only focus on the process. Because you are working on the process of becoming healthy and it’s always in the making. You will only be as healthy as you take care of your body.

So you have a goal which isn’t static but keeps on moving.

If you went to the gym 150 times year and you hit your goal, what would you do then? You would stop going to the gym.

This is why goal-oriented people experience yo-yo effect[2] and why process-oriented people don’t.

The difference between process-oriented and goal-oriented people is that the first focus on daily actions while others only focus on the reward at the finish line.

Set a goal but then forget about it and reap massive awards.

10. Punish Yourself

Last two sections are pure Pavlovian – you need to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. You are the only person who decides what is good and what is bad for you, but when you do, you need to rigorously follow that.

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I’ve told you in point #3 about bad days and how after one occurs, I do double the work on the next day. That is one of my forms of punishments.

It’s the need to tell your brain that certain behaviors are unacceptable and that they lead to bad outcomes. That’s what punishments are for.

You want to tell your brain that there are real consequences to missing your daily habits.[3]

No favorite food to eat or favorite show to watch or going to the cinema for a new Marvel movie- none, zero, zilch.

The brain will remember these bad feelings and will try to avoid the behaviors that led to them as much as possible.

But don’t forget the other side of the same coin.

11. Reward Yourself

When you follow and execute on your plan, reward yourself. It’s how the brain knows that you did something good.

Whenever I finish one of my habits for the day, I open my tracker (who am I kidding, I always keep it open on my desktop) and fill it with a number. As soon as I finish reading 20 pages of a book a day (or a bit more), I open the tracker and write the number down.

The cell becomes green and gives me an instant boost of endorphin – a great success for the day. Then, it becomes all about not breaking the chain and having as many green fields as possible.

After 100 days, I crunch some numbers and see how I did.

If I have less than 10 cheat days, I reward myself with a great meal in a restaurant. You can create your own rewards and they can be daily, weekly, monthly or any arbitrary time table that you create.

Primoz Bozic, a productivity coach, has gold, silver, and bronze medals as his reward system.[4]

If you’re having problems creating a system which works for you, contact me via email and we can discuss specifics.

In the End, It Matters

What you do matters not only to you but to the people around you.

When you increase the quality of your life, you indirectly increase the quality of life of people around you. And sometimes, that is all the “motivation” we need to start.

And that’s the best quote for the end of this article:

“Motivation gets you started, but habits keep you going.”

Keep going.

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More Resources to Help You Build Habits

Featured photo credit: Anete Lūsiņa via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Sorites paradox
[2] Muscle Zone: What causes yo-yo effect and how to avoid it?
[3] Growth Habits: 5 Missteps That Cause You To Quit Building A Habit
[4] Primoz Bozic: The Lean Review: How to Plan Your 2019 in 20 Minutes

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