This article is written from a shallower and short-term perspective to a deeper and longer term perspective and I believe it is necessary to facilitate a better understanding. Trust me, this will transform you from being a shy person to a confident one.
Note: This will be especially applicable to people who are starting off being really shy.
Improve Yourself in all Aspects to Build Confidence
Simply put, become a better version of yourself. You need to achieve more, become better or do anything that will make you proud of yourself or feel more positive about yourself at least. Confidence is something you have to build over time. It is built through hard work and experiences. You can start working out and have a better physique. You can take up dance lessons and become an entertainment in clubs. You can start earning more money. You can google on how to become a more charismatic or respectable person. You can do all kind of things which you think will make you more socially-valued.
True confidence comes from having positive feelings about yourself, and to have positive feelings about yourself, you will have to gain approval or compliments by society. You may think that this sounds shallow now, but trust me, it works and it is just the start of a strategy on gaining true social confidence. You need to continue reading for a more in-depth understanding of the strategy to see the rationale behind it.
Provide Value to be Valued
To be approved and valued by society, you will have to provide value.
Anything can be of value. For example: love, money or anything that is deemed to be worth to others. Having a good physique makes you attractive and attraction is a kind of value. Being funny makes other people laugh, so that is value as well. Being a gentleman can attract girls since chivalry is of value too.
So the first step will be to improve yourself so that you are of a higher value which will be more socially approved.
The Unintentional By-products of Providing Value
The journey towards true confidence comes largely from the unintentional by-products of providing value.
The point here is when you unintentionally gain acceptance, approval and compliments, it will help you become confident gradually. Like I said previously, becoming a stronger version of yourself will lead to gaining unintentional approval and compliments, which is just the first step of the strategy.
Note: The reason why I emphasized on the word ‘unintentionally‘ is to prevent you from being misled to think that your goal is to gain others’ approval and compliments. The main goal will always be to become a stronger version of yourself in all aspect. However, those words of approval or compliment by others are just kind of like by-products which can reflect your current position on your journey towards true social confidence and somehow lead you towards your higher level of confidence. Basically, in the long run, there will be gradual changes in how the people react to you, all the positive things just come naturally.
All these are still the start and can be pretty shallow and inadequate for true social confidence or true confidence in general. Now, the key to true confidence is actually having positive feelings about yourself. And the point of becoming a stronger version of yourself can absolutely generate positive feelings about yourself.
The trick to building true confidence is when you sub-consciously use the accumulated unintentional approvals and compliments or feedback in general from your growth and experiences to generate a positive feeling in yourself.
True Confidence Comes From Within
The ‘within’ actually refers to the positive feelings about yourself. To simplify, the level of true confidence is highly in direct proportion to the level of positive feeling you have about yourself.
Lastly, the positive feeling about yourself will allow you to make decisions more confidently because you know that you can do it like how much you had actually changed yourself in every aspect. Even if you fail, you know that you will always become stronger and failures are just part of the route to succeed in the future as long as you learn. Deep inside, you know that you will be able to do it eventually because you have that very positive feeling about what you can do and what you will become. This is true confidence. And everything just becomes an upward spiral.
Try it, confidence takes you time. Give yourself a year and you will be very surprised.
Featured photo credit: Rick Nunn by JohnONolan via flickr.com