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How You Can Use Your Experience from Online Dating to Become More Productive

How You Can Use Your Experience from Online Dating to Become More Productive

If you’ve been playing the online dating game for a while, you already know what to expect, the right strategies to use, and have defined what you want and don’t want.

But the knowledge and experience you’ve gained can be used in more than one way. In fact, you can take what you learned while looking for a potential partner using dating services and other platforms for single people, and apply it to getting things done during the day.

Yes, I’m saying that the same rules that work for finding your soul mate can also be beneficial to your productivity levels and the results you get from your work. Here’s how:

1. See what works best for you and do more of it

You’ve tested different opening lines. Over time, you started noticing tendencies and some led to a better communication and finding out who’s interesting and worth your time.

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The same goes for all the little things you do during the day, the habits you’ve developed over the years and the mindsets you have formed that define how successful and productive you are. Not all of what you’re doing works. In fact, you may not be aware that some tiny practices or old behaviors are draining your energy, distracting you, making you procrastinate, and more.

To become more efficient and have more time for yourself, track what you do daily for some time and analyze how it affects your overall performance, and even your spiritual and mental health. If you take a closer look at the data you gather, you’ll see you can eliminate many things, and do more of the rest that actually gives you the progress you want to see.

That means doubling your results in any area and reaching any goal sooner.

2. Don’t overthink

Finding love online is impossible if you are looking at somebody’s profile for hours and imagining different scenarios or trying to guess what he’s really like. It’s time-wasting. The only thing that matters is taking action. It’s also the only way to quickly understand if you should keep this going on and take it further.

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When facing a project or even a simple daily task, some people tend to plan for hours, to prepare, to predict how others will react and how this will turn once completed. But that just leads to fearing failure, having doubts and procrastinating. Stop overthinking. Let go of perfectionism. And simply get to work on the next item on your list, or say ‘Hi!’ to whoever’s profile you’re checking out.

3. Start small

If you want to get everything done, you end up getting nothing done. Just like it is when you want to text many people at once and feel so overwhelmed by the thoughts in your head that you don’t really contact anyone, and thus miss out on a potential meaningful relationship or a new friend in your life.

The solution is to start small. Identify what’s the first thing you can do and focus only on it. Leave the rest for later. That builds momentum. Action leads to more action and suddenly the next step on the way becomes clear.

4. Be present.

When using dating apps, you have the chance to connect with tens of people at the same time. But that rarely ends well. Also, you end up getting confused, forgetting details from previous chats, and that ruins the chances for success with any of them.

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As for productivity, multitasking just doesn’t work. And a sure way to fail, lose focus and never get anything done is to think about the past or make plans about the future. In a nutshell, being anything else than present isn’t going to give you results.

Mindfulness helps you truly experience what you’re doing, be authentic and the best version of yourself. It also makes you to be more productive as you’re completely concentrated on the task in front of you and don’t think about what you should be doing later. This approach can help you connect on a deeper level with the right person, and get things done faster too.

5. Know your why

Have a purpose every time you do something important. Want to find a special person online? Well, know exactly how this will change your life for the better, how great you’ll feel, and what great times you can have with someone who’s the right fit for you.

When working on a project, keep in mind your end goal. That motivates you to be focused, consistent and to work harder. Eventually, you turn that vision into reality.

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6. Have fun

Whatever it is that you’re doing, enjoy it, appreciate it, know it’s the right thing to do right now. Like in modern dating, keep it positive and light, expect the best to happen. Such an attitude can help you be less stressed, calmer and avoid unnecessary worries.

So if you’ve already been doing online dating for some time, or if you’re thinking of giving it a try, know that it will boost your productivity.

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Last Updated on September 10, 2018

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]

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Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.

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In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]

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Exercise

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.

Meditation

Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.

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In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via pixabay.com

Reference

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