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How You Can Use Your Experience from Online Dating to Become More Productive

How You Can Use Your Experience from Online Dating to Become More Productive

If you’ve been playing the online dating game for a while, you already know what to expect, the right strategies to use, and have defined what you want and don’t want.

But the knowledge and experience you’ve gained can be used in more than one way. In fact, you can take what you learned while looking for a potential partner using dating services and other platforms for single people, and apply it to getting things done during the day.

Yes, I’m saying that the same rules that work for finding your soul mate can also be beneficial to your productivity levels and the results you get from your work. Here’s how:

1. See what works best for you and do more of it

You’ve tested different opening lines. Over time, you started noticing tendencies and some led to a better communication and finding out who’s interesting and worth your time.

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The same goes for all the little things you do during the day, the habits you’ve developed over the years and the mindsets you have formed that define how successful and productive you are. Not all of what you’re doing works. In fact, you may not be aware that some tiny practices or old behaviors are draining your energy, distracting you, making you procrastinate, and more.

To become more efficient and have more time for yourself, track what you do daily for some time and analyze how it affects your overall performance, and even your spiritual and mental health. If you take a closer look at the data you gather, you’ll see you can eliminate many things, and do more of the rest that actually gives you the progress you want to see.

That means doubling your results in any area and reaching any goal sooner.

2. Don’t overthink

Finding love online is impossible if you are looking at somebody’s profile for hours and imagining different scenarios or trying to guess what he’s really like. It’s time-wasting. The only thing that matters is taking action. It’s also the only way to quickly understand if you should keep this going on and take it further.

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When facing a project or even a simple daily task, some people tend to plan for hours, to prepare, to predict how others will react and how this will turn once completed. But that just leads to fearing failure, having doubts and procrastinating. Stop overthinking. Let go of perfectionism. And simply get to work on the next item on your list, or say ‘Hi!’ to whoever’s profile you’re checking out.

3. Start small

If you want to get everything done, you end up getting nothing done. Just like it is when you want to text many people at once and feel so overwhelmed by the thoughts in your head that you don’t really contact anyone, and thus miss out on a potential meaningful relationship or a new friend in your life.

The solution is to start small. Identify what’s the first thing you can do and focus only on it. Leave the rest for later. That builds momentum. Action leads to more action and suddenly the next step on the way becomes clear.

4. Be present.

When using dating apps, you have the chance to connect with tens of people at the same time. But that rarely ends well. Also, you end up getting confused, forgetting details from previous chats, and that ruins the chances for success with any of them.

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As for productivity, multitasking just doesn’t work. And a sure way to fail, lose focus and never get anything done is to think about the past or make plans about the future. In a nutshell, being anything else than present isn’t going to give you results.

Mindfulness helps you truly experience what you’re doing, be authentic and the best version of yourself. It also makes you to be more productive as you’re completely concentrated on the task in front of you and don’t think about what you should be doing later. This approach can help you connect on a deeper level with the right person, and get things done faster too.

5. Know your why

Have a purpose every time you do something important. Want to find a special person online? Well, know exactly how this will change your life for the better, how great you’ll feel, and what great times you can have with someone who’s the right fit for you.

When working on a project, keep in mind your end goal. That motivates you to be focused, consistent and to work harder. Eventually, you turn that vision into reality.

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6. Have fun

Whatever it is that you’re doing, enjoy it, appreciate it, know it’s the right thing to do right now. Like in modern dating, keep it positive and light, expect the best to happen. Such an attitude can help you be less stressed, calmer and avoid unnecessary worries.

So if you’ve already been doing online dating for some time, or if you’re thinking of giving it a try, know that it will boost your productivity.

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Published on November 23, 2020

How to Develop Big Picture Thinking And Think More Clearly

How to Develop Big Picture Thinking And Think More Clearly

Your neighbors downstairs are playing loud music. Again. How do they not get tired of partying? And why do they choose songs with such a heavy downbeat that the glass in your cupboard is vibrating every two seconds? What can you do to get some peace that you deserve? What should you?

Human mind tends to go in circles whenever faced with a problem without a clear solution. It becomes easy to forget the big picture and get lost in anger and self-pity, wasting our precious time, energy and enthusiasm.

Would it not be nice if we always remembered to put things in perspective?

Would it not be more efficient to face all kinds of problems, from tiny annoyances to life-changing emergencies, with a calm demeanor, sharp focus and fearless determination to promptly take the most efficient action possible?

Alas, humans are not like that. All too often we let anxiety or greed get the best of us and make a rushed or shortsighted decision that we quickly come to regret. Other times, we spend weeks or months at an impasse, rehashing the exact same arguments, unable to accept the compromise required to move forward with any of the available options.

Buddhists talk about getting lost in the “small self.” In this state of mind, we literally forget the big picture and focus on the small one. We start taking our daily problems too personally and, paradoxically, becomes less capable of solving them in an efficient manner. And this is the opposite of big picture thinking.

Let me share with you a story related to big picture thinking…

In 1812, the French army of Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia.[1] After a decisive Battle of Borodino, the capture of Moscow and therefore Napoleon’s victory in the war seemed inevitable.

Unexpectedly, the Russian Commander-in-Chief Mikhail Kutuzov made a highly controversial decision of retreating and allowing the French to capture Moscow. Much of the population had been evacuated taking supplies with them. The city itself was set on fire and large parts of it burned into the ground.

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After waiting in vain for Russia to capitulate, Napoleon had to retreat in the middle of a bitterly cold winter. He won the battle but lost the war. The campaign ended in a disaster and the near destruction of the French army.

What can we learn from this historical lesson?

1. Focus on the Consequences

Napoleon focused on the important part: capturing Moscow. Nobody could accuse him of thinking small. Yet he overlooked that the Russian army could still fight even after giving up the country’s most important city.

So was Moscow not an important target after all?

Success expert Brian Tracy has a litmus test: things are important to the extent that they have important consequences. Things are unimportant to the extent that they have no important consequences.[2]

When faced with a choice, ask yourself, what would be the consequences of each option?

  • Want to spend an hour studying or watching the new series on Netflix? What would be the consequences of each option? Netflix can sometimes be a better choice, but it helps to put things in perspective.
  • Want to maintain your apartment by yourself or to pay a cleaning service? Would would be the consequences of each option?
  • Want to meet up for coffee with this acquaintance of yours or catch up on your work instead? What would be the consequences of each option?

The choice can be different for different people. An aspiring filmmaker may have a legitimate reason for choosing Netflix. Personally, cleaning your own apartment can be relaxing and nourishing even if the economics of hiring a cleaner looks compelling because you are earning a high hourly rate.

This is where you will need a basic idea of who you are — what are your goals, values and aspirations.

2. Flip Defeat Into Victory

Kutuzov managed to turn Russia’s defeat into a historic victory by recasting the problem in a wider context: losing Moscow need not mean losing the war.

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Despite the symbolic meaning attached to the Kremlin, the churches, the priceless treasures that had been stored in the city for centuries, the outcome of the campaign was ultimately determined by the strength of the remaining armies.

If you can adopt this result-oriented perspective, many of your personal defeats may be flipped into victories as well. Few events in a human life are absolutely good or absolutely bad, and it usually takes many years to recognize in retrospect, what role a particular encounter did play in your story.

Therefore we have every reason to look for the good in the things that happen to us.

This is a very practical attitude, far from baseless “positive thinking.” After all, if something unfortunate has happened to you and you find good sides in this circumstance, you will then be better positioned to take advantage of those good sides.

Say your noisy neighbors are affecting your productivity. What if it is a blessing in disguise? How can you turn this defeat into a victory?

  • Perhaps you are too serious about life and could learn how to have more fun. Join your neighbors or go out for a walk instead of working;
  • Perhaps you only wanted to be productive while instead procrastinated on social media. Now that your procrastination has been interrupted, stop and acknowledge this much greater obstacle to your productivity;
  • Perhaps you are too sensitive to interference. Take this opportunity to practice ignoring the noise and doing your best anyway;
  • Perhaps you have a victim mentality and the feeling of unfairness drains you more than any actual nuisance your neighbors might have caused. Try accepting this lapse in your productivity the way you would accept bad weather.

Get used to finding opportunities in your problems. This is the quintessential big picture thinking.

3. Ask for Advice

Both Napoleon and Kutuzov had trusted advisers to discuss their affairs with. In general, getting a different perspective — or several — can only help inform your understanding and lead to better decisions. Just ensure that the people giving you advice are competent in the particular area where experience is needed.

Paying money for advice can also be a wise investment. Lawyers, tax accountants, medical doctors spend years learning how to assist people like yourself in living more successful, more fulfilling lives.

A quick legal consultation can save you a fortune down the line or even keep you out of big trouble. A medical check-up can uncover potential issues and help keep you healthy and active for years to come.

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Even big, complex dilemmas at your job or in your romantic relationship can be tackled more effectively by partnering up with a coach or a therapist or, of course, with the help of a wise friend.

4. Beware of Biased Advice

Many imperfect decisions occur in response to an imperfect piece of advice that you choose to act on. This advice often comes from a biased party.

For example, we are often encouraged to buy something that we supposedly need:

  • Protect your skin from harmful UV rays by using a special lotion.
  • Fortify your health by taking multivitamins.
  • Connect with your friends by sending them elaborate gifts.
  • Brighten your weekend by consuming a delicious pastry.
  • Become more productive by getting a faster computer.

However, most purchases are unnecessary.

Some, such as the sunscreen, do have legitimate benefits when used properly.[3] Others, such as multivitamins, only make a difference for a small group of people.[4]

Advertisers of those benefits inevitably want to narrow your focus in order to overstate the importance of their product. They frequently present it as the only solution to your problem, whether real or imaginary.

After all,

  • Skin can also be protected from the sun by wearing appropriate clothing.
  • Health can be better fortified by consuming a balanced diet and getting regular exercise.
  • Spending time or talking on the phone with your friends is the foremost way of connecting with them, and it is virtually free.
  • Your weekend can be brightened by doing something that you love.
  • You can become more productive by focusing on the tasks that have the most important consequences. A faster computer can, in fact, decrease productivity by making it easier to multitask and by enabling your favorite distractions.

There are other sources of imperfect advice. Politicians also frequently want us to focus on a particular “big picture,” to the exclusion of the alternatives.

Even loving parents can be guilty of the same. They can advise their children to pick a career path that is safe and respectable, based on their “big picture” that in life one has to make a living. A child may disagree, however, based on another “big picture” that one’s life has to have meaning and fulfillment.

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Bottom Line

It is human nature to make rushed, emotional decisions based on incomplete information, then regret those decisions later on.

You can protect yourself from poor judgment by striving to attain the big picture when careful consideration is called for.

Focus on the consequences of your decision before considering how you feel about it.

Play with the cards you’ve been dealt, but look for opportunities in each situation and you will find them.

Ask knowledgeable mentors for advice, but beware of biased people who have an opinion, but do not necessarily have your best interest in mind.

Yet remember, true big picture thinking comes from hard-won experience. Legendary military commanders Napoleon Bonaparte and Mikhail Kutuzov were both injured on the battlefield.

Clear thinking comes from putting your big picture to the test of reality.

More Tips on Thinking Clearly

Featured photo credit: Haneen Krimly via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Wikipedia: French invasion of Russia
[2] Brian Tracy: No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline
[3] American Academy of Dermatology: Say Yes to Sun Protection
[4] Harvard Medical School: Do multivitamins make you healthier?

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