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Five Tips to Ensure Online Dating Success After 60

Five Tips to Ensure Online Dating Success After 60

You want to meet someone and have decided to go online. That is proactive, forward-thinking, and a very great move, but care must be taken not to fall into habits that will spoil your dating experience- especially if you are an older person. Studies show that senior online dating is increasing daily and also that seniors tend to have better date choices than younger people. However, studies also reveal a lot of challenges online daters commonly face that result in bad dating experiences. Keeping these tips in mind will help a great deal.

1. Never go “Wow!” over the pictures.

While on the internet, it’s very easy to feel in control and maintain very high expectations. The feeling of being in control is wonderful and anyone would confess that it makes them feel powerful, but you have to fight it- especially as an older person.

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If what you desire is a true connection- a true relationship with a person whom you love and who loves you in return, you must bring your most empathetic and mature self into the dating adventure. This probably is the reason why seniors often make better choices in online dates and why senior online dating sites are experiencing more success compared to other online dating sectors.

This simply means not saying, “Wow, she is gorgeous but I prefer blondes to brunettes.” You wouldn’t behave this way sitting across from this person, so don’t do it online. What you need is happiness, so go for it!

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2. Avoid being obsessed about details.

Your focus shouldn’t be on which movies they like, bars they frequent, schools they attended, or restaurants they visit. If what you want is true happiness and you intend genuine love, your focus should be on where he or she lives, whether or not he or she seems intelligent, and whether or not he or she has similar interests. Don’t be deceived into believing that someone out there exactly suits your preferences.  Instead, focus on the most important and desired traits. What’s most important is the profile tone, and evaluating it should be your focus. If you can evaluate the profile tone (which may seem difficult), you may have a better chance of guessing what the person is like even without profile images or meeting him or her in person.

If you focus on trivial things, there is the chance you will pass over the profiles of people who could actually make you happy. Finding a genuine relationship is about how you both understand your differences, yet meet each other’s desires. The key to this is reading between the lines to get a clear understanding of the person. Is he or she well-adjusted, reasonable, friendly- a person to whom you would be naturally attracted if you were to meet him or her in person without regard for movie tastes, books, and restaurants?

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Never ignore signs of bitterness, boastfulness, and insincerity. You can easily detect if someone is insincere if there are any claims of perfection! Everyone has flaws, and claims of perfection in many areas is a warning sign. Also beware of a person whose profile states, “My friend did it and suggested I have the same experience so I took it on”.

3. Mind personality claims.

Most explicit claims about a person’s personality should be ignored. People are very unreliable when reporting about themselves, and understanding this will save you a lot of trouble. People who ignore warning signs about personality claims in profiles have bitter stories to tell about online dating. Claims about oneself may not always be lies, but the way people see themselves is frequently different from how others see them. It’s best to meet people and confirm their claims before putting confidence into those claims. Keep in mind that we humans are expert “self-justifiers” and only external events can really reveal negative traits. Am I right? The only claims worth believing are age, education, location, and job. When it comes to self-evaluation, people are biased and self-aggrandizing.

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4. Don’t get too attached when judging a profile.

You may have evaluated a profile but that’s not all. No matter how great you are at evaluating profiles or how great a person seems to match your tastes, there is still lots more to know about him or her. You can learn only a little from a profile, but you can learn much from behavior: the tone of voice, eye contact, how responsively and beautifully they smile, how attentive they are during discussions, how and what they say about themselves, how they ask questions, and so much more. Never ignore the fact that vital information is only disclosed by people when they are relaxed and in a good mood. Your goal shouldn’t be to look for the perfect person that suits your taste but to have fun with the possibility of meeting your match.

5. Don’t move too fast.

It’s never advisable to do this. However, there is a greater chance of moving too fast in online dating. It is a big temptation. “His profile says he needs a relationship. Would he even be on a dating site if he were not really serious? I have gotten to know so much about him/her even though we’ve met only once. What am I waiting for?” Getting impatient with dating and moving too fast in a relationship is the worst thing you can do. After a few dates you are still getting to know this person while growing the connection. Getting attached too soon can scare off your date or dampen your budding relationship. Note: It’s difficult when you badly want to have a connection with someone, but getting to know another person takes time, so take the time.

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MICHAEL LILY

Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

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Last Updated on November 19, 2020

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments—you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time. That’s why the art of saying no can be a game changer for productivity.

Requests for your time are coming in all the time—from family members, friends, children, coworkers, etc. To stay productive, minimize stress, and avoid wasting time, you have to learn the gentle art of saying no—an art that many people have problems with.

What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger, or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

However, it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here’s how to stop people pleasing and master the gentle art of saying no.

1. Value Your Time

Know your commitments and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it.

Be honest when you tell them that: “I just can’t right now. My plate is overloaded as it is.” They’ll sympathize as they likely have a lot going on as well, and they’ll respect your openness, honesty, and attention to self-care.

2. Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have some extra time (which, for many of us, is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

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For example, if my wife asks me to pick up the kids from school a couple of extra days a week, I’ll likely try to make time for it as my family is my highest priority. However, if a coworker asks for help on some extra projects, I know that will mean less time with my wife and kids, so I will be more likely to say no. 

However, for others, work is their priority, and helping on extra projects could mean the chance for a promotion or raise. It’s all about knowing your long-term goals and what you’ll need to say yes and no to in order to get there. 

You can learn more about how to set your priorities here.

3. Practice Saying No

Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word[1].

Sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

4. Don’t Apologize

A common way to start out is “I’m sorry, but…” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important when you learn to say no, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm and unapologetic about guarding your time.

When you say no, realize that you have nothing to feel bad about. You have every right to ensure you have time for the things that are important to you. 

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5. Stop Being Nice

Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets.

Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

6. Say No to Your Boss

Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss—they’re our boss, right? And if we start saying no, then we look like we can’t handle the work—at least, that’s the common reasoning[2].

In fact, it’s the opposite—explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

7. Pre-Empting

It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting,

“Look, everyone, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects, and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

This, of course, takes a great deal of awareness that you’ll likely only have after having worked in one place or been friends with someone for a while. However, once you get the hang of it, it can be incredibly useful.

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8. Get Back to You

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, try saying no this way:

“After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.”

At least you gave it some consideration.

9. Maybe Later

If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say,

“This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].”

Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands. If you need to continue saying no, here are some other ways to do so[3]:

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Saying no the healthy way

    10. It’s Not You, It’s Me

    This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often, the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time.

    Simply say so—you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization—but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true, as people can sense insincerity.

    The Bottom Line

    Saying no isn’t an easy thing to do, but once you master it, you’ll find that you’re less stressed and more focused on the things that really matter to you. There’s no need to feel guilty about organizing your personal life and mental health in a way that feels good to you.

    Remember that when you learn to say no, isn’t about being mean. It’s about taking care of your time, energy, and sanity. Once you learn how to say no in a good way, people will respect your willingness to practice self-care and prioritization. 

    More Tips for a Less Stressful Life

    Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

    Reference

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