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Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule

Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule

Breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend isn’t something someone would ever wish to happen to another. It’s very hard to bear with, although in many cases it’s the very right thing to do.

Unfortunately, sometimes a couple would have to break up in order to fix their relationship. That’s where the No Contact Rule comes into play.

The No Contact Rule has been around for ages, the name itself already defines its meaning.

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In case you don’t really get it, the No Contract Rule requires you to refrain yourself from contacting your ex for a set period of time. Although this rule can also be used to maintain a breakup, this post is mainly about how to get back with your ex through this rule.

First, you should know that this rule may not work for everyone. It’s not a one rule fits all kind of thing. Fortunately, before you try this rule there are ways to find out if it’ll actually work for you, such as quizzes.

Why stay away from your ex if you want to get him or her back?

After a breakup, some ex-boyfriends or girlfriends usually don’t want to be bothered. If you think that it may be the best time to try to get back with him or her, you may be wrong. In fact, you may even push your ex further away.

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You have to give it time. Time is needed for even yourself because you don’t want to rush and make a mistake that would worsen the situation.

Furthermore, ignoring your ex isn’t a bad thing at all. Try it and you should see how much you’ll be missed. Sometimes two persons in a relationship may need just a little time apart to fix their issues.

How long should you use the No Contact Rule?

There are many articles written about the length of time needed to achieve that. But in my opinion, I think you should know when the length of time has been reached through the results you’re getting from it.

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What do I really mean about that? Let’s say you’re observing the No Contact Rule, you’re doing your best and not calling nor texting your ex. And then out of nowhere you receive a text from him or her stating “Honey, I’m sorry for everything that has happened, I’m ready to prove to you that I’m a changed person.”

In this case, many people would allow this person back in their lives in the hope of seeing the change. The length of time spent observing the No Contact Rule shouldn’t be a problem for you here. What’s important is that your ex has admitted that he or she was wrong and is making some efforts to change for the better. Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place? I think it is.

On the other hand, if you receive a text from your ex disrespecting or using some harsh words towards you while you’re following the No Contact Rule, then you shouldn’t answer. This is where it really does matter to set a number of days in the hope of reversing the situation.

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The 21 Day No Contact Rule

Some experts recommend three totally different time-frames to choose from and they are as followed. The 21 Day No Contact Rule is the shortest one you can do depending on your situation. But if you think you’ll need to stop yourself from contacting your ex for a longer time-frame, you can either go with the 30 Day Rule or the 45 Day Rule.

Although this rule is very difficult to follow and attain success, those who put their feeling aside and focus on their goal usually reach their expectations. To be honest, it’ll be a very difficult journey. I’d be lying to you if I were to tell you otherwise. The good thing is that many people have done it with success before. Therefore, you too can do it if you play your cards right.

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Last Updated on September 10, 2018

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]

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Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.

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In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]

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Exercise

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.

Meditation

Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.

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In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via pixabay.com

Reference

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