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Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule

Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule

Breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend isn’t something someone would ever wish to happen to another. It’s very hard to bear with, although in many cases it’s the very right thing to do.

Unfortunately, sometimes a couple would have to break up in order to fix their relationship. That’s where the No Contact Rule comes into play.

The No Contact Rule has been around for ages, the name itself already defines its meaning.

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In case you don’t really get it, the No Contract Rule requires you to refrain yourself from contacting your ex for a set period of time. Although this rule can also be used to maintain a breakup, this post is mainly about how to get back with your ex through this rule.

First, you should know that this rule may not work for everyone. It’s not a one rule fits all kind of thing. Fortunately, before you try this rule there are ways to find out if it’ll actually work for you, such as quizzes.

Why stay away from your ex if you want to get him or her back?

After a breakup, some ex-boyfriends or girlfriends usually don’t want to be bothered. If you think that it may be the best time to try to get back with him or her, you may be wrong. In fact, you may even push your ex further away.

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You have to give it time. Time is needed for even yourself because you don’t want to rush and make a mistake that would worsen the situation.

Furthermore, ignoring your ex isn’t a bad thing at all. Try it and you should see how much you’ll be missed. Sometimes two persons in a relationship may need just a little time apart to fix their issues.

How long should you use the No Contact Rule?

There are many articles written about the length of time needed to achieve that. But in my opinion, I think you should know when the length of time has been reached through the results you’re getting from it.

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What do I really mean about that? Let’s say you’re observing the No Contact Rule, you’re doing your best and not calling nor texting your ex. And then out of nowhere you receive a text from him or her stating “Honey, I’m sorry for everything that has happened, I’m ready to prove to you that I’m a changed person.”

In this case, many people would allow this person back in their lives in the hope of seeing the change. The length of time spent observing the No Contact Rule shouldn’t be a problem for you here. What’s important is that your ex has admitted that he or she was wrong and is making some efforts to change for the better. Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place? I think it is.

On the other hand, if you receive a text from your ex disrespecting or using some harsh words towards you while you’re following the No Contact Rule, then you shouldn’t answer. This is where it really does matter to set a number of days in the hope of reversing the situation.

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The 21 Day No Contact Rule

Some experts recommend three totally different time-frames to choose from and they are as followed. The 21 Day No Contact Rule is the shortest one you can do depending on your situation. But if you think you’ll need to stop yourself from contacting your ex for a longer time-frame, you can either go with the 30 Day Rule or the 45 Day Rule.

Although this rule is very difficult to follow and attain success, those who put their feeling aside and focus on their goal usually reach their expectations. To be honest, it’ll be a very difficult journey. I’d be lying to you if I were to tell you otherwise. The good thing is that many people have done it with success before. Therefore, you too can do it if you play your cards right.

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Published on July 29, 2020

How to Build Strategic Thinking Skills for Effective Leadership

How to Build Strategic Thinking Skills for Effective Leadership

Have you been thinking of how you can be a more strategic leader during these uncertain times? Has the pandemic thrown a wrench at all your carefully laid out plans and initiatives?

You’re not alone. The truth is, we all want some stability in our careers and teams during this disruptive pandemic.

However, this now requires a bit more effort than before and making the leap from merely surviving to thriving means buckling down to some serious strategic thinking and maintaining a determined mindset.

Is There a Way to Thrive Despite These Disruptions?

Essentially – yes, although you need to be willing to put in the work. Every leader wants to develop strategic thinking skills so that they can enhance overall team performance and boost their company’s success, but what exactly does it mean to be strategic in the context of the times we live in?

If you happen to be in a leadership position in your organization right now, you are most probably navigating precarious waters given the disruptions caused by the pandemic. There’s a lot more pressure than before because your actions and decisions will have a much greater impact these days not just on you, but also to the people who are part of your team.

Companies often bring me in to coach executives on strategic thinking and planning. And while pre-pandemic I would usually start by highlighting the advantages of strategic thinking, nowadays, I always begin these Zoom coaching sessions by driving home the point that this pandemic has now made strategic thinking not just an option but an absolute must.

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Assessing and making plans through the lens of a good strategy might require significant work at first. Nevertheless, you can take comfort in the fact that the rewards will far outweigh the effort, as you’ll soon see after following the 8 strategic steps I have outlined below.

8 Steps to Strategic Thinking

As events unfold during these strange times, you’re bound to feel wrong-footed every now and then. Being a leader during this pandemic means preparing for more change not just for you, but for your whole team as well.

As states and cities go through a cycle of lockdowns and reopening, employees will experience the full gamut of human emotions in dizzying speed, and you will often be called on to provide insight and stability to your team and workplace.

Strategic thinking is all about anticipation and preparation. Rather than expending your energy merely helping your company put out fires and survive, you can put the time to better use by charting out a solid plan that can protect and help you and your company thrive.

Take the following steps to build solid initiatives and roll out successful projects:

Step 1: Step Back, Then Set the Scope

One of the things that leaders get wrong during their first attempt at strategic thinking is expecting that it is just another item on a checklist. The truth is, you need to take a good, long look at the bigger picture before anything else. This means decisively prioritizing and stepping away from tasks that can be delegated to others. Free up your schedule so you can focus on this crucial task at hand.

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Then, proceed with setting the scope and the strategic goals of the project or initiative you plan to build or execute. Ask yourself the bigger question of why you need to embark on a particular project and when would be the right time to do so.

You need to set a timeline as well, anywhere from 6 months to 5 years. Keep in mind that your projections will deteriorate the further out you go as you make longer-term plans.

For this reason, add extra resources, flexibility, and resilience if you have a longer timeline. You should also be making the goals less specific if you’re charting it out for the longer term.

Step 2: Make a List of Experts

Make and keep a list of credible people who can contribute solid insight and feedback to your initiative. This could range from key stakeholders to industry experts, mentors, and even colleagues who previously planned and rolled out similar projects.

Reach out to the people on this list regularly while you work through the steps to bring diverse insight into your planning process. This way, you will be able to approach any problem from every angle.

Bringing key stakeholders into this initial process will also display your willingness to listen and empathize with their issues. In return, this will build trust and potentially pave the way for smoother buy-in down the line.

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Step 3: Anticipate the Future

After identifying your goals and gathering feedback, it’s time to consider what the future would look like if everything goes as you intuitively anticipate. Then, lay out the kind and amount of resources (money, time, social capital) that might be needed to keep this anticipated future running.

Step 4: Brainstorm on Potential Internal and External Problems

Next, think of how the future would look if you encountered unexpected problems internal and external to the business activity that seriously jeopardize your expected vision of the future. Write out what kind of potential problems you might encounter, including low-probability ones.

Assess the likelihood that you will run into each problem. To gauge, multiply the likelihood by the number of resources needed to address the problem. Try to convert the resources into money if possible so that you can have a single unit of measurement.

Then, think of what steps you can take to address these internal and external problems before they even happen. Write out how much you expect these steps might cost. Lastly, add up all the extra resources that may be needed because of the different possible problems and all the steps you committed to taking to address them in advance.

Step 5: Identify Potential Opportunities, Internal and External

Imagine how your expected plan would look if unexpected opportunities came up. Most of these will be external but consider internal ones as well. Then, gauge the likelihood of each scenario and the number of resources you would need to take advantage of each opportunity. Convert the resources into money if possible.

Then, think of what steps you can take in advance to take advantage of unexpected opportunities and write out how much you expect these steps might cost. Finally, add up all the extra resources that may be needed because of the different unexpected opportunities and all the steps you committed to taking to address them in advance.

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Step 6: Check for Cognitive Biases

Check for potential cognitive biases that are relevant to you personally or to the organization as a whole, and adjust the resources and plans to address such errors.[1] Make sure to at least check for loss aversion, status quo bias, confirmation bias, attentional bias, overconfidence, optimism bias, pessimism bias, and halo and horns effects.

Step 7: Account for Unknown Unknowns (Black Swans)

To have a more effective strategy, account for black swans as well. These are unknown unknowns -unpredictable events that have potentially severe consequences.

To account for these black swans, add 40 percent to the resources you anticipate. Also, consider ways to make your plans more flexible and secure than you intuitively feel is needed.

Step 8: Communicate and Take the Next Steps

Communicate the plan to your stakeholders, and give them a heads up about the additional resources needed. Then, take the next steps to address the unanticipated problems and take advantage of the opportunities you identified by improving your plans, as well as allocating and reserving resources.

Finally, take note that there will be cases when you’ll need to go back and forth these steps to make improvements, (a fix here, an improvement there) so be comfortable with revisiting your strategy and reaching out to your list of experts.

Conclusion

A great way to deal with feelings of uncertainty during this pandemic is to anticipate obstacles with a good plan – and a sure road to that is practicing strategic thinking.

In the coming months and years, you’ll need to continue navigating uncharted territory so that you can lead your team to safe waters. Regularly doing these 8 steps to strategic thinking will ensure that you can prepare for and adapt  to the coming changes with increasing clarity, perspective, and efficiency.[2]

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Featured photo credit: JESHOOTS.COM via unsplash.com

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