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Be Your Own Biggest Fan

Be Your Own Biggest Fan

How do you feel about yourself? Nope….tell the truth. Chances are that you are reading this alone and that there is no one to overhear you. Will you say it aloud for me? Are you your own biggest fan?

I walked into work today and the first person I saw was a good friend of mine. She has a lovely smile and a genuine, warm personality. She is a single mom, totally in love with her son, good at her job, and a pleasure to be around. I walked over to her and said good morning and that I thought her hair looked very nice today. I was not making this up or saying it just to make her feel good. I genuinely thought she looked nice and wanted to tell her. Compliments are important. Her response, however, broke my heart. She laughed and told me I was wrong. That her hair did not look good and that she needed to get it colored and cut. Her bias toward herself made it so that she could not even accept my compliment. In fact, it was so ingrained that she had to verbally reject my compliment.

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I wish this was an isolated event. Unfortunately, I can give example after example, and it is not isolated to women. My assistant is a man. Well-dressed, quick-witted, caring and compassionate. And yet? Give him a compliment about the suit he is wearing, and his first response is that he cannot fit into any of his other suits and that he must lose weight. Why is his bias toward himself so strong that he cannot take a nice compliment and feel good about it?

We, as a society, are quick to judge, quick to spot the negative and comment on it. We have gotten ugly in the way we speak to each other, the way we write, and especially in our television shows. Why do men want to watch other men in a cage trying to hurt each other? Why do women read magazines that tell them everything is wrong with the way they look, the size they are, and the style they choose? We will have to tackle society together, for the greater good, as a large goal. But what we first have to do is tackle the problem of our own self-esteem.

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What do Kim Kardashian and Stephen Hawking have in common?

Why is Kim Kardashian famous? Why do millions follow her every move? She is pretty, but so are you. She is talented, but so are you. The difference is confidence. The world tells her that she is exceptional and she believes it, which gives her confidence, which allows her to do great things. Her self-bias is positive, not negative.

Stephen Hawking has faced severe physical challenges that most of us can never comprehend. So how did he transcend that to become the most famous scientist in our modern day? He did not listen to “You can’t”. He believes in himself. His self-bias is positive, not negative, which allows him to accomplish great things.

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The single most important change you need to make is to recognize that these biases are your own.

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    Getting ahead in this world is a struggle. Not against the tide of the world, but against your own self-doubt. You must be your own biggest fan.

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    I speak and write to motivate. Not because I believe that we don’t have problems, but because I know that we all have great problems. Every day, we face new challenges. The fact of the matter is that no matter what the outside throws at us, we will never achieve what we hope to if we are doubting ourselves first. If you want to be a success in business, in relationships, with your family, or whatever your goal may be, the first step has to begin within you. Recognize your own negative bias and crush it! You must believe in yourself more than the world believes in you.

    You must be your own biggest fan. How? I’m not sure, to be honest. I do know that you will never achieve what you want by saying “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not like those people”. The beauty of the human condition is that we can always change, always improve. It will be hard work. Do not be lazy! When you decide that what you dream of is more important that what you currently have, nothing will stop you from obtaining it. Make the changes in your life so that you can look into the mirror with confidence. Cast away your negative thoughts and listen to the world with fresh ears. My friends, your own negative self-bias is your single biggest enemy. Please do not let it win.

    Oh, and when anyone gives you a compliment. Believe it. A compliment is a beautiful flower, enjoy it.

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    Glenn Killey

    Author, Motivational Speaker, Mindset Coach

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    Last Updated on February 15, 2019

    Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

    Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

    In Personal Development-speak, we are always talking about goals, outcomes, success, desires and dreams. In other words, all the stuff we want to do, achieve and create in our world.

    And while it’s important for us to know what we want to achieve (our goal), it’s also important for us to understand why we want to achieve it; the reason behind the goal or some would say, our real goal.

    Why is goal setting important?

    1. Your needs and desire will be fulfilled.

    Sometimes when we explore our “why”, (why we want to achieve a certain thing) we realize that our “what” (our goal) might not actually deliver us the thing (feeling, emotion, internal state) we’re really seeking.

    For example, the person who has a goal to lose weight in the belief that weight loss will bring them happiness, security, fulfillment, attention, popularity and the partner of their dreams. In this instance, their “what” is weight-loss and their “why” is happiness (etc.) and a partner.

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    Six months later, they have lost the weight (achieved their goal) but as is often the case, they’re not happier, not more secure, not more confident, not more fulfilled and in keeping with their miserable state, they have failed to attract their dream partner.

    After all, who wants to be with someone who’s miserable? They achieved their practical goal but still failed to have their needs met.

    So they set a goal to lose another ten pounds. And then another. And maybe just ten more. With the destructive and erroneous belief that if they can get thin enough, they’ll find their own personal nirvana. And we all know how that story ends.

    2. You’ll find out what truly motivates you

    The important thing in the process of constructing our best life is not necessarily what goals we set (what we think we want) but what motivates us towards those goals (what we really want).

    The sooner we begin to explore, identify and understand what motivates us towards certain achievements, acquisitions or outcomes (that is, we begin moving towards greater consciousness and self awareness), the sooner we will make better decisions for our life, set more intelligent (and dare I say, enlightened) goals and experience more fulfilment and less frustration.

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    We all know people who have achieved what they set out to, only to end up in the same place or worse (emotionally, psychologically, sociologically) because what they were chasing wasn’t really what they were needing.

    What we think we want will rarely provide us with what we actually need.

    3. Your state of mind will be a lot healthier

    We all set specific goals to achieve/acquire certain things (a job, a car, a partner, a better body, a bank balance, a title, a victory) because at some level, most of us believe (consciously or not) that the achievement of those goals will bring us what we really seek; joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

    Of course, setting practical, material and financial goals is an intelligent thing to do considering the world we live in and how that world works.

    But setting goals with an expectation that the achievement of certain things in our external, physical world will automatically create an internal state of peace, contentment, joy and total happiness is an unhealthy and unrealistic mindset to inhabit.

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    What you truly want and need

    Sometimes we need to look beyond the obvious (superficial) goals to discover and secure what we really want.

    Sadly, we live in a collective mindset which teaches that the prettiest and the wealthiest are the most successful.

    Some self-help frauds even teach this message. If you’re rich or pretty, you’re happy. If you’re both, you’re very happy. Pretty isn’t what we really want; it’s what we believe pretty will bring us. Same goes with money.

    When we cut through the hype, the jargon and the self-help mumbo jumbo, we all have the same basic goals, desires and needs:

    Joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

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    Nobody needs a mansion or a sport’s car but we all need love.

    Nobody needs massive pecs, six percent body-fat, a face lift or bigger breasts but we all need connection, acceptance and understanding.

    Nobody needs to be famous but we all need peace, calm, balance and happiness.

    The problem is, we live in a culture which teaches that one equals the other. If only we lived in a culture which taught that real success is far more about what’s happening in our internal environment, than our external one.

    It’s a commonly-held belief that we’re all very different and we all have different goals — whether short term or long term goals. But in many ways we’re not, and we don’t; we all want essentially the same things.

    Now all you have to do is see past the fraud and deception and find the right path.

    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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