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Be Your Own Biggest Fan

Be Your Own Biggest Fan

How do you feel about yourself? Nope….tell the truth. Chances are that you are reading this alone and that there is no one to overhear you. Will you say it aloud for me? Are you your own biggest fan?

I walked into work today and the first person I saw was a good friend of mine. She has a lovely smile and a genuine, warm personality. She is a single mom, totally in love with her son, good at her job, and a pleasure to be around. I walked over to her and said good morning and that I thought her hair looked very nice today. I was not making this up or saying it just to make her feel good. I genuinely thought she looked nice and wanted to tell her. Compliments are important. Her response, however, broke my heart. She laughed and told me I was wrong. That her hair did not look good and that she needed to get it colored and cut. Her bias toward herself made it so that she could not even accept my compliment. In fact, it was so ingrained that she had to verbally reject my compliment.

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I wish this was an isolated event. Unfortunately, I can give example after example, and it is not isolated to women. My assistant is a man. Well-dressed, quick-witted, caring and compassionate. And yet? Give him a compliment about the suit he is wearing, and his first response is that he cannot fit into any of his other suits and that he must lose weight. Why is his bias toward himself so strong that he cannot take a nice compliment and feel good about it?

We, as a society, are quick to judge, quick to spot the negative and comment on it. We have gotten ugly in the way we speak to each other, the way we write, and especially in our television shows. Why do men want to watch other men in a cage trying to hurt each other? Why do women read magazines that tell them everything is wrong with the way they look, the size they are, and the style they choose? We will have to tackle society together, for the greater good, as a large goal. But what we first have to do is tackle the problem of our own self-esteem.

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What do Kim Kardashian and Stephen Hawking have in common?

Why is Kim Kardashian famous? Why do millions follow her every move? She is pretty, but so are you. She is talented, but so are you. The difference is confidence. The world tells her that she is exceptional and she believes it, which gives her confidence, which allows her to do great things. Her self-bias is positive, not negative.

Stephen Hawking has faced severe physical challenges that most of us can never comprehend. So how did he transcend that to become the most famous scientist in our modern day? He did not listen to “You can’t”. He believes in himself. His self-bias is positive, not negative, which allows him to accomplish great things.

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The single most important change you need to make is to recognize that these biases are your own.

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    Getting ahead in this world is a struggle. Not against the tide of the world, but against your own self-doubt. You must be your own biggest fan.

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    I speak and write to motivate. Not because I believe that we don’t have problems, but because I know that we all have great problems. Every day, we face new challenges. The fact of the matter is that no matter what the outside throws at us, we will never achieve what we hope to if we are doubting ourselves first. If you want to be a success in business, in relationships, with your family, or whatever your goal may be, the first step has to begin within you. Recognize your own negative bias and crush it! You must believe in yourself more than the world believes in you.

    You must be your own biggest fan. How? I’m not sure, to be honest. I do know that you will never achieve what you want by saying “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not like those people”. The beauty of the human condition is that we can always change, always improve. It will be hard work. Do not be lazy! When you decide that what you dream of is more important that what you currently have, nothing will stop you from obtaining it. Make the changes in your life so that you can look into the mirror with confidence. Cast away your negative thoughts and listen to the world with fresh ears. My friends, your own negative self-bias is your single biggest enemy. Please do not let it win.

    Oh, and when anyone gives you a compliment. Believe it. A compliment is a beautiful flower, enjoy it.

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    Glenn Killey

    Author, Motivational Speaker, Mindset Coach

    What Is Your Defining Mental Picture? What My Teenage Daughter Taught Me About Simplicity What An 86 Year Old Man Can Teach Us About Procrastination The Randomness of Life: 3 Steps to Take Back Control The Law of Reversed Effort

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    Last Updated on September 20, 2018

    How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

    How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

    Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Your work and routine life make you feel overwhelmed. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out…

    If you’d like to stay calm and cool in stressful situations, put the following 8 steps into practice:

    1. Breathe

    The next time you’re faced with a stressful situation that makes you want to hurry, stop what you’re doing for one minute and perform the following steps:

    • Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale).
    • Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale.
    • Smile. Fake it if you have to. It’s pretty hard to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face.

    Feel free to repeat the above steps every few hours at work or home if you need to.

    2. Loosen up

    After your breathing session, perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. Clenched jaw? Rounded shoulders? Anything else that isn’t at ease?

    Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are under tension to encourage total relaxation. It might help to imagine you’re in a place that calms you: a beach, hot tub, or nature trail, for example.

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    3. Chew slowly

    Slow down at the dinner table if you want to learn to be patient and lose weight. Shoveling your food down as fast as you can is a surefire way to eat more than you need to (and find yourself with a bellyache).

    Be a mindful eater who pays attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of every dish. Chew slowly while you try to guess all of the ingredients that were used to prepare your dish.

    Chewing slowly will also reduce those dreadful late-night cravings that sneak up on you after work.

    4. Let go

    Cliche as it sounds, it’s very effective.

    The thing that seems like the end of the world right now?

    It’s not. Promise.

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    Stressing and worrying about the situation you’re in won’t do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go.

    Letting go isn’t easy, so here’s a guide to help you:

    21 Things To Do When You Find It Hard To Let Go

    5. Enjoy the journey

    Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration.

    Stop focusing on the negative thoughts. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.

    6. Look at the big picture

    The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

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    Will this matter to me…

    • Next week?
    • Next month?
    • Next year?
    • In 10 years?

    Hint: No, it won’t.

    I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week, maybe not even the next day.

    Stop agonizing over things you can’t control because you’re only hurting yourself.

    7. Stop demanding perfection of yourself

    You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a dirty liar.

    Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out because it just isn’t possible.

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    8. Practice patience every day

    Below are a few easy ways you can practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in times of stress:

    • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
    • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
    • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

    Final thoughts

    Staying calm in stressful situations is possible, all you need is some daily practice.

    Taking deep breaths and eat mindfully are some simple ways to train your brain to be more patient. But changing the way you think of a situation and staying positive are most important in keeping cool whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressful.

    Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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