Advertising
Advertising

How To Really Hear, Rather Than Simply Listen

How To Really Hear, Rather Than Simply Listen

You may hear, but do you truly listen? Active listening is an important skill that few people possess. It is the art of allowing someone else to feel truly heard. In our busy modern lives, many of us are under more stress than ever. Too often, we find it hard to concentrate on what others are saying, and therefore struggle to give friends and family a place to vent their troubles.

The skill of active listening can build relationships by fostering strong bonds and communication. Active listening isn’t just setting aside a few minutes to allow someone else the chance to talk. It is about being willing to remain receptive to whatever the other person wants to say, and accepting their perspective without judgement.

Advertising

A few tips for active listening are as follows:

1. Make good use of body language.

Lean forward, maintain eye contact with your conversation partner, do not fidget, and do not glance over to other people in the room. Have you ever spent time talking with a friend who keeps tapping their fingers on the table or twirling their hair around and around their fingers? You probably found it to be very irritating. Keep your hands still if possible so as not to distract your companion.

Advertising

2. Put your phone away.

Checking your emails or messages every five minutes will signal to your friend that you are not truly listening, which will make them feel as though their presence is merely an inconvenience to you. We have all been in a meeting or conversation with someone who seems glued to an electronic device. It doesn’t feel very respectful when they nod absent-mindedly whilst tapping out a message, does it? Keep your phone zipped away in a bag or pocket.

3. Use gestures to encourage someone to keep talking.

People who use gestures carefully know how to make sure that their conversation partner feels truly heard. For example, a well-timed nod or small hand gesture can give someone else the confidence they need to carry on talking when otherwise they might have dried up.

Advertising

4. Repeat the main points someone has said, using your own words, followed by “Have I understood you correctly?”

Have you ever been in a situation in which you just don’t feel as though someone is really grasping the meaning of whaever it is you are saying? It’s frustrating, but there is a simple way to check that you and another person are working within the same framework of meaning.

When someone has finished making a point, paraphrase it and ask whether you have understood them properly. This will convey that you have truly listened to, and understood, the other person. Of course, if you have misunderstood, they will then have a chance to correct you.

Advertising

5. Do not interrupt.

Interrupting is one of the quickest ways to frustrate a conversation partner! It sounds simple, but if you want to instil confidence in your conversation partner, you cannot afford to interrupt them. If you are known to be a chronic interrupter, you could even make this exercise into a game – see how many minutes you can listen for without giving into the urge to speak.

6. Resist the urge to give advice.

Most of us will have been guilty of trying to tell someone else what to do. For example, if your friend tells you that their partner has cheated on them, your first response might be to shout “Dump them!” However, sometimes another person just wants someone to hear them out. Remind yourself that your primary gift to someone is not your advice but your time. Repeat this like a mantra in your head when you are tempted to chip in with unsolicited advice.

Follow these tips and you will soon gain a well-deserved reputation as someone who knows how to listen carefully and respectfully to those around them.

More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

Focus On Yourself, Because Most Of The Time No One Really Cares 30 Ways To Treat Yourself No Matter What 3 Things To Give Up If You Want To Take Control Of Your Life All You Have to Do to Sleep Better How Social Media Is Making You Feel Bad about Yourself Every Day

Trending in Communication

1 How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 4 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 5 How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

Advertising

1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

Advertising

“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

Advertising

3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

Advertising

6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

More on Motivation

Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

Read Next