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5 Solid Tips to Raise Your Kids as Well-Nurtured Adults

5 Solid Tips to Raise Your Kids as Well-Nurtured Adults

Every parent agrees. We have important goals for our kids – to be happy, to be honest and ethical, to be productive, and to be independent adults. We want to be able to say to ourselves “job well done” when they finally leave the nest, strike out on their own, and achieve goals that they have set for themselves.

Getting there is the issue, for we do not have maps for this journey. And every child is different, as parents of more than one well know. Amidst all of that diversity, however, there are some general guidelines that might help you to raise your kids as well-nurtured adults. Here are five of them.

1. Start Early

You’ve heard it before. You are your child’s first teacher. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that you focus only on teaching them to hold a cup or to use the potty (although these are skills they have to develop). It means that you model the behaviors, the ethics, and the attitudes that you want them to incorporate into their own lives.

Research proves that the style of early attachment relationships predicts later emotional development of children. The child who witnesses a parent being angry, out of emotional control, treating others badly, “cheating” in various ways, etc., is a child who grows up doing the same. By the same token, a child who witnesses a parent being patient, kind, honest, and joyful will be that as well.

Watch what you do and say around your child.

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2. Nurture Independence Early

We have such a need as parents to always “do” for our kids. And in doing that, we lower our expectations for them. This is often a failing when moms work. They want life to go smoothly. They try to stay organized and in those attempts, they fail to allow their kids to become more independent from an early age.

It’s important to take a healthy step back and let them assume challenges on their own. This develops self-reliance and a belief that they can meet challenges, fail, and then be successful. Things can get messy.

Infants feeding themselves with food all over faces, in hair, and on the floor is the beginning. Four-year-old’s not making their beds will result in a crumpled mess. Toys may not be put back in the right place and squabbles with playmates will happen. If you let them assume these challenges and even fail sometimes, they will come to understand that achievements are a process of practice and steadfastness, not something that mom and dad can do for them.

The other great result? Kids develop self-confidence and the ability to praise themselves for what they have accomplished. It’s called pride.

Set reasonable expectations for your kids and let them “have-at-it.” And don’t interfere unless necessary, to keep them safe or to teach them something valuable about the experience.

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3. Do Encourage Mastery of Practical Skills

Computers/gadgets are a part of every child’s life today. Our kids will use them in virtually every aspect of their lives. We use parental controls. We depend upon teachers to do the rest. We cannot always count on our schools, however.

From being able to use technology to conduct research to playing typing games that will give them skills to make their lives easier later on, we can intervene and ensure that they are proficient. The conversation we need to have then, and have it often, as they mature is the reliability of and safety of Internet use.

Other practical skills include personal finance and budgeting. Schools may teach the theoretical basis for personal finance, but the practical application can only come with real world experience. And that real experience must come by them being given opportunities to manage their own finances. Whether that is from allowances given to children or the income from part-time jobs as teens, kids will not become financially responsible adults without practice in making spending choices, saving, etc.

And if they do not become financially responsible adults, parents will be subsidizing them. There is also value in allowing teens to see the expenses that running a household entails. Protecting them from this means they go into adulthood “unarmed.”

4. Do Not Rescue

Kids make choices. And you have to allow them to do so, even if those would not be the choices you would make. This is not to say that you let your kids deliberately go into unsafe or threatening situations. You have to find the balance between letting them discover mistakes on their own and living with the consequences and keeping them safe. If you begin early with little things, your kids will learn that there are consequences to their choices/actions and that they have to live with them.

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A seven-year-old may get an allowance for small chores around the house. If that allowance is all spent in a single day, and then there is no money left to buy that candy bar at the drugstore, don’t you dare buy it for them.

The tendency to jump in and rescue is hard to break for parents who just want their kids’ lives to progress smoothly and without pain.

You do them no favors by confronting their teachers or coaches every time they may be disciplined in some way. You do them no favors by intervening into their social lives, unless they are making dangerous choices.

We are all familiar with the teenage boy who drove drunk and killed some other teens. His lawyer, well-paid by his wealthy parents, argued “affluenza,” stating that he was not to blame because his parents had used their wealth and their position to rescue him throughout his childhood. He grew up believing that he was privileged and that his parent would rescue him from any bad choice he made. He was given leniency that was appalling to most of us. In the end, however, he violated his parole and was going to face serious jail time. His mother again came to his rescue, taking him out of the country to avoid the consequences. Now, he and his mother are both in jail.

Let your child make choices and live with the consequences whenever possible. What he will learn is to think things through and consider consequences before making decisions.

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5. Dependency – It’s Has to End Sometime

This closely relates to the previous point. The other consequence of always making decisions and choices for our children keeps them dependent upon us when they should be learning independence. If our kids come to rely on us to make all of their decisions, we will have children still dependent upon us when they reach adulthood. Setting up situations in which your child is away from you in a variety of situations is important.

It may begin with day-care at a young age. It may occur through sending them to summer camp. Whatever the experiences you give them, place yourself out of the situation.

In the end, our kids do two things – they model our behavior and they live up to the expectations that we set for them. When our own behavior is not appropriate and when we set expectations too low, they do not become fully nurtured adults. When our behavior is too rigid and our expectations too high, they grow into adulthood feeling inadequate. Finding that balance is the real challenge. These 5 tips may help you find it.

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Published on March 13, 2019

What Makes A Great Place to Work Whilst Pregnant

What Makes A Great Place to Work Whilst Pregnant

Among women who had their first child in the early 1960s, just 44% worked at all during pregnancy. The latest figures show that 66% of mothers who gave birth to their first child between 2006 and 2008 worked during their pregnancy.[1]  It also showed that about eight-in-ten pregnant workers (82%) continued in the workplace until within one month of their first birth which has vastly increased from 35%. It is clear to see form the statical trends that more women are choosing to continue working through, and late into, pregnancy.

Unlike other developed world countries, the USA does not mandate any paid leave for new mothers under federal law,[2] though some individual employers make that accommodation and it is mandated by a handful of individual states. Finding what makes a great workplace whilst pregnant can alleviate stress and provide more stability for you and your family. 

In this article, you will discover exactly the best places to work whilst pregnant.

How Difficult Is It to Work Whilst Pregnant?

Many people strive to find and attain good jobs. For pregnant women, however, that process is often especially challenging. After all, you’ll face extra obstacles that are unique to expectant mothers.

If you are pregnant and need a job, then you’re definitely not alone. You are also not alone if you’re already employed and want to find a new job that is more family-friendly. Changing jobs while pregnant is something that many women consider, especially when they realise that their current positions may not be suitable for pregnancy or offer the benefits or flexibility that they’ll soon need. 

Getting a job while pregnant may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but it is possible.

You can look for employment opportunities that don’t require too much physical exertion and that won’t cause you much emotional stress. Also, look for jobs that come with the chance to work flexible hours, offer good medical benefits, allow you to take time off as needed, and don’t require a long commute. In addition, it’s obviously wise to consider avoiding jobs that may expose you to toxins, people with communicable illnesses, or other physical hazards.

The Pre-Natal Mamma’s Needs

During pregnancy, there are many mental and physiological changes that a woman will go through. In understanding those changes, it is more clear which types of jobs and workplaces are more suited to you as a pregnant woman. 

During pregnancy, the birth of your baby and the postnatal period, changes in the hormones in your body can have an effect on your emotions during pregnancy. These hormones and the changes can cause joy, fear, surprise and anxiety all of which can be assisted with necessary support and talking. 

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The physiological changes are more varied according to each trimester:

1st Trimester (0-13 weeks)

In the first few weeks following conception, your hormone levels change significantly. Your uterus begins to support the growth of the placenta and the fetus, your body adds to its blood supply to carry oxygen and nutrients to the developing baby, and your heart rate increases.

These changes accompany many of the pregnancy symptoms, such as fatigue, morning sickness, headaches, and constipation. During the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage is significant.

2nd Trimester (13 – 27 weeks)

While the discomforts of early pregnancy should ease off, there are a few new symptoms to get used to. Common complaints include leg cramps and heartburn. You might find yourself growing more of an appetite, and your weight gain will accelerate. 

3rd Trimester (28 weeks – birth)

Travel restrictions take effect during the third trimester. It’s advised that you stay in relatively close proximity to your doctor or midwife in case you go into labor early. The baby is growing bigger and stronger; the kicks can be quite powerful and your abdomen is becoming larger and heavier.

Stretch marks may develop if they haven’t earlier in the pregnancy. Braxton-Hicks contractions- which are usually perceived as painless tightening can be felt. Lower back pain is very common and there may be more pelvic pressure and with this more frequent urination. 

Swollen legs and feet are very common as are increased fatigue, interrupted sleep and a reduced ability to eat a full meal at one sitting.

4th Trimester (Post birth onwards)

Your baby’s fourth trimester starts from the moment she’s born and lasts until she is three months old. The term is used to describe a period of great change and development in your newborn, as she adjusts to her new world outside your womb. There are many adaptations, recovery and rest that you and your baby need through this trimester whether you have a natural or c-section birth.

All of these considerations need to be in mind when looking to find a great workplace whilst pregnant — whether you’re looking to ask for more support from your current workplace, find a new job or enter employment. 

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Next, let’s look at the factors that would define the opposite; somewhere you shouldn’t look to work whilst pregnant.

How to Spot The Worst Workplaces to Work Whilst Pregnant

1. Non-Negotiable Heavy Lifting

Do you have to lift, push, bend, shove, and load materials all day? If you do, many experts believe you should ask for a job reassignment or quit by the 20th week of pregnancy.

2. Toxic Environments

The list of jobs that involve dangerous substances is miles long. Consider the artist who works with paint and solvents all day, the dry cleaner who breathes in cleaning fumes, the agricultural or horticultural worker who works with pesticides, the photographer who uses toxic chemicals to develop pictures, the tollbooth attendant who breathes in car and truck exhaust, or the printer who works with lead substances.

3. Proximity to People with Communicable Illnesses

Working with or exposure to certain bacteria, viruses, or other infectious agents could increase your chances of having a miscarriage, a baby with a birth defect, or other reproductive problems.  Some infections can pass to an unborn baby during pregnancy and cause a miscarriage or birth defect. Infections like seasonal influenza (the flu) and pneumonia can cause more serious illness in pregnant women.

4. Extended Hours of Standing

Cooks, nurses, salesclerks, waiters, police officers, and others, have jobs that keep them on their feet all day. This can be difficult for a pregnant woman, but it might be downright dangerous for her unborn baby. Studies have found that long hours of standing during the last half of pregnancy disrupt the flow of blood.[3]

Key Factors Creating a Great Workplace whilst Pregnant

1. Flexibility

You might feel tired as your body works overtime to support your pregnancy — and resting during the workday can be tough. Having an employer or job that provide care and is understanding to your needs is hugely beneficial.

A compassionate and empathetic employer will understand morning sickness; they will facilitate changes in working hours to accommodate your energy and assist with the smells from the work kitchen. 

They will also enable you to remain flexible to snack as and when you want to – crackers and other bland foods can be lifesavers when you feel nauseated. Nad eating small frequent meals are similarly saving you as your meal quantity decreases.

2. Compassion

More employers are learning that the idea that pregnant women are willing and necessary contributors to the economy and are capable of adding long-term value to their organizations. 

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Employers that follow good practice in maternity can improve the experience of pregnant employees and new mothers and encourage them to return to work following maternity leave.

A good relationship between a pregnant employee and her line manager is essential to the successful reintegration of the employee following maternity leave.

3. Stress Reduced

Stress on the job can sap the energy you need to care for yourself and your baby.

To minimize workplace stress, take control. Make daily to-do lists and prioritise your tasks. Consider what you can delegate to someone else — or eliminate. 

Talk it out. Share frustrations with a supportive co-worker, friend or loved one. 

Practice relaxation techniques, such as breathing slowly or imagining yourself in a calm place. Try a prenatal yoga class, as long as your health care provider says it’s OK.

4. Adaptable

As your pregnancy progresses, everyday activities such as sitting and standing can become uncomfortable. Remember those short, frequent breaks to combat fatigue? Moving around every few hours also can ease muscle tension and help prevent fluid buildup in your legs and feet. 

Using an adjustable chair with good lower back support can make long hours of sitting much easier — especially as your weight and posture change. If your chair isn’t adjustable, use a small pillow or cushion to provide extra support for your back.

Elevate your legs to decrease swelling. If you must stand for long periods of time, put one of your feet up on a footrest, low stool or box. Switch feet every so often and take frequent breaks.

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Wear comfortable shoes with good arch support. Consider wearing support or compression hose, too.

5. Financial Support

Financial strain is one of the leading causes of peri & post natal depression. Employers can support employees by offering them benefits beyond the statutory minimum, for example training mechanisms to help them cope with balancing work and family commitments. 

The employer should conduct a performance review with the employee prior to her maternity leave to boost her confidence and encourage her to consider how parenthood and work will fit together.

Key Take-Aways

If you’re working while you’re pregnant, you need to know your rights to antenatal care, maternity leave and benefits. 

If you have any worries about your health while at work, talk to your doctor, midwife or occupational health nurse. You can also talk to your employer, union representative, or someone in the personnel department (HR) where you work. 

Once you tell your employer that you’re pregnant, they should do a risk assessment with you to see if your job poses any risks to you or your baby. If there are any risks, they have to make reasonable adjustments to remove them. This can include changing your working hours. 

If you work with chemicals, lead or X-rays, or in a job with a lot of lifting, it may be illegal for you to continue to work. In this case, your employer must offer you alternative work on the same terms and conditions as your original job. If there’s no safe alternative, your employer should suspend you on full pay (give you paid leave) for as long as necessary to avoid the risk.

Look for employment opportunities that don’t require too much physical exertion and that won’t cause you much emotional stress. Also, look for jobs that come with the chance to work flexible hours, offer good medical benefits, allow you to take time off as needed, and don’t require a long commute. 

Your current employer may need to offer you different types of work or a change to your working hours. If your employer can’t get rid of the risks (for example by finding other suitable work without any reduction in pay for you), they should offer you suspension on full pay.

Featured photo credit: Alicia Petresc via unsplash.com

Reference

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