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3 Important Keys to Finding Lasting Relationships

3 Important Keys to Finding Lasting Relationships

Relationships have proven to be one of the best ways for attaining true happiness. Also, there are chances that a relationship might steal your already attained happiness.

Our relationships are often founded on the type of connections we create from moment happenings and if our utmost intention is to keep one, we can’t get our thoughts off elsewhere.

Our facial expressions, the way we carry our body, and the tone of our voices while we’re with people or far from them, reveals to them if truly we’re with them or if our concentration is mainly on ourselves. There are chances your date knows you’re concentrated on yourself while you’re with them but they won’t tell you how they feel.

If you want to have a lasting relationship, you must:

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The Effectiveness of Online Dating 

Online dating has become one of the modern dating methods which gradually is taking over united states. Online dating sites have created a personal introductory network where individuals can find and contact each other on the internet for the sole purpose of match making and building personal relationships.

Always keep in mind that, first impressions aren’t always reliable. Especially on internet dating, people hardly accurately portray themselves. However, there are responsible online dating sites where fake identities never get on. The recent year has recorded a great advantage in online dating where over 20% relationships that met online have led to marriages in the United States. Studies shows that;

The average length of courtship/dating for relationships that met online – 18.6 Months
The average length of dating for marriages that met offline face-to-face – 42 months
In the last year percentage of marriages that met on online dating site – 17 %
At present the percentage of committed relationships that met in online dating site – 20 %

From this analysis, it’s shown that relationships that met online have relatively short dating/courtship length before leading to marriages.

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Wherever you met someone irrespective of how you met them, it always takes some time to know that person. Being with someone in different situations either good or otherwise will let you get to know them better; how well they handle pressure, what’s their response when things aren’t going too smoothly, when they’re hungry, angry, tired or frustrated.

Don’t hide your mistakes. Everyone make mistakes and you may be amazed how worse their mistakes are compared to yours. There are instances where what you find so awful about you is what’s amazingly appealing to your date. Be honest and you’ll be surprised how far this takes your relation.

It’s true that in this age and the present day, developing a vertical relationship first before a horizontal relationship is difficult, yet it’s the best.  Don’t be so swift to make a relationship sexual before trying to know this person better. Knowing someone first will definitely lead to a much more satisfying sexual relationship along the way. But, if you put the sexual relationship first before trying to know this person, what you expect should be the opposite.

1. Always try and keep things in perspective

The search for a relationship shouldn’t be the center of your life. If you want to have a great relationship, the first thing you must do is ensure give great emphasis to the things that give you joy; your health, your career and your relationship with friends and family.

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When your focus is on things that make you happy, you will experience a balanced life and this will make you a more interesting person when you have contact with special people.

2. Having fun should be your priority

While singles events, online dating, and match making services may happen to be successful and enjoyable to some people, others may lack the inclination and often feel highly pressured. They may prefer fun social occasions. Be mindful whatever dating experts might tell you. Understand there is a great difference between finding a lasting love relationship and finding a suitable career.

Your time as a “single” person is the greatest opportunity to meet people and extend your social circle. While others may prefer online dating, you can find and participate in activities that you have interests in. Your focus should be having fun and not finding a relationship. Having fun doesn’t mean making all hell of jokes but just engage yourself in anything that makes you happy. Don’t laugh or joke because you want someone to notice you’re around. Laugh because something is funny, you’re happy, because of the memories, because deep down you’re having the best time.

While engaging yourself in activities you enjoy and in new environments, there is a great chance of meeting people who aren’t looking for the best but just you, the unique and true person. The chances of meeting people of same interests and values are great and even if you don’t, you’ll still enjoy your time and maybe make some new friends as well.

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3. If you must build a connection, let it be a genuine one.

You must know that the dating game can be so torturing. It’s normal to worry about how you will meet and if or not your date will like you. But can you really get rid this torture, create a great connection and build good rapport? Yes. These tips can guide you:

  • To fight first-date torture or nerves, your focus should be on your outward appearance, not your internal feelings and thoughts. While spending time with your date, try to be fully involved: in what your date is doing, what is happening around you and what he is saying. With this, your mind will be in your control and off your worries, insecurities and distracting doubts.
  • Being genuine with your interest and feelings is another catch. There’s a fact anyone who’s been with a date would know which is, you can’t fake your interest in someone. If you aren’t interested in your date, just go ahead and tell them. Don’t pretend to listen or care. Don’t extend the relationship further.
  • Showing curiosity is another way to connect with a new person. Having a genuine interest and being curious about their feelings, opinions, stories, thoughts and experiences. This should not be hidden and they’ll like that very part of you. If you can do this, you’ll experience a far more interesting and attractive moment than only trying to elevate yourself when you’re with your date.
  • Any item or devices that would lead to distraction should be put away while you are with your date. There’s no way you can prove to your date you’re interested in the moment when you’re having distractions. A lot of signals could be sent and noticed while with a date but this, of course, is noticed only when you’re focused.
  • Paying proper attention to your date, how they interact and what they say will help know them better quickly. Little things go a long way and you can’t tell what those are. You’ll remember a lot about what they told you, what’s going on in their life at the moment and or remembering what they say about their preferences.

Featured photo credit: easysuccessfulonlinedating.com via cdn.tomatoheart.com

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MICHAEL LILY

Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

More Resources About Job Interviews

Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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