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3 Important Keys to Finding Lasting Relationships

3 Important Keys to Finding Lasting Relationships

Relationships have proven to be one of the best ways for attaining true happiness. Also, there are chances that a relationship might steal your already attained happiness.

Our relationships are often founded on the type of connections we create from moment happenings and if our utmost intention is to keep one, we can’t get our thoughts off elsewhere.

Our facial expressions, the way we carry our body, and the tone of our voices while we’re with people or far from them, reveals to them if truly we’re with them or if our concentration is mainly on ourselves. There are chances your date knows you’re concentrated on yourself while you’re with them but they won’t tell you how they feel.

If you want to have a lasting relationship, you must:

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The Effectiveness of Online Dating 

Online dating has become one of the modern dating methods which gradually is taking over united states. Online dating sites have created a personal introductory network where individuals can find and contact each other on the internet for the sole purpose of match making and building personal relationships.

Always keep in mind that, first impressions aren’t always reliable. Especially on internet dating, people hardly accurately portray themselves. However, there are responsible online dating sites where fake identities never get on. The recent year has recorded a great advantage in online dating where over 20% relationships that met online have led to marriages in the United States. Studies shows that;

The average length of courtship/dating for relationships that met online – 18.6 Months
The average length of dating for marriages that met offline face-to-face – 42 months
In the last year percentage of marriages that met on online dating site – 17 %
At present the percentage of committed relationships that met in online dating site – 20 %

From this analysis, it’s shown that relationships that met online have relatively short dating/courtship length before leading to marriages.

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Wherever you met someone irrespective of how you met them, it always takes some time to know that person. Being with someone in different situations either good or otherwise will let you get to know them better; how well they handle pressure, what’s their response when things aren’t going too smoothly, when they’re hungry, angry, tired or frustrated.

Don’t hide your mistakes. Everyone make mistakes and you may be amazed how worse their mistakes are compared to yours. There are instances where what you find so awful about you is what’s amazingly appealing to your date. Be honest and you’ll be surprised how far this takes your relation.

It’s true that in this age and the present day, developing a vertical relationship first before a horizontal relationship is difficult, yet it’s the best.  Don’t be so swift to make a relationship sexual before trying to know this person better. Knowing someone first will definitely lead to a much more satisfying sexual relationship along the way. But, if you put the sexual relationship first before trying to know this person, what you expect should be the opposite.

1. Always try and keep things in perspective

The search for a relationship shouldn’t be the center of your life. If you want to have a great relationship, the first thing you must do is ensure give great emphasis to the things that give you joy; your health, your career and your relationship with friends and family.

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When your focus is on things that make you happy, you will experience a balanced life and this will make you a more interesting person when you have contact with special people.

2. Having fun should be your priority

While singles events, online dating, and match making services may happen to be successful and enjoyable to some people, others may lack the inclination and often feel highly pressured. They may prefer fun social occasions. Be mindful whatever dating experts might tell you. Understand there is a great difference between finding a lasting love relationship and finding a suitable career.

Your time as a “single” person is the greatest opportunity to meet people and extend your social circle. While others may prefer online dating, you can find and participate in activities that you have interests in. Your focus should be having fun and not finding a relationship. Having fun doesn’t mean making all hell of jokes but just engage yourself in anything that makes you happy. Don’t laugh or joke because you want someone to notice you’re around. Laugh because something is funny, you’re happy, because of the memories, because deep down you’re having the best time.

While engaging yourself in activities you enjoy and in new environments, there is a great chance of meeting people who aren’t looking for the best but just you, the unique and true person. The chances of meeting people of same interests and values are great and even if you don’t, you’ll still enjoy your time and maybe make some new friends as well.

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3. If you must build a connection, let it be a genuine one.

You must know that the dating game can be so torturing. It’s normal to worry about how you will meet and if or not your date will like you. But can you really get rid this torture, create a great connection and build good rapport? Yes. These tips can guide you:

  • To fight first-date torture or nerves, your focus should be on your outward appearance, not your internal feelings and thoughts. While spending time with your date, try to be fully involved: in what your date is doing, what is happening around you and what he is saying. With this, your mind will be in your control and off your worries, insecurities and distracting doubts.
  • Being genuine with your interest and feelings is another catch. There’s a fact anyone who’s been with a date would know which is, you can’t fake your interest in someone. If you aren’t interested in your date, just go ahead and tell them. Don’t pretend to listen or care. Don’t extend the relationship further.
  • Showing curiosity is another way to connect with a new person. Having a genuine interest and being curious about their feelings, opinions, stories, thoughts and experiences. This should not be hidden and they’ll like that very part of you. If you can do this, you’ll experience a far more interesting and attractive moment than only trying to elevate yourself when you’re with your date.
  • Any item or devices that would lead to distraction should be put away while you are with your date. There’s no way you can prove to your date you’re interested in the moment when you’re having distractions. A lot of signals could be sent and noticed while with a date but this, of course, is noticed only when you’re focused.
  • Paying proper attention to your date, how they interact and what they say will help know them better quickly. Little things go a long way and you can’t tell what those are. You’ll remember a lot about what they told you, what’s going on in their life at the moment and or remembering what they say about their preferences.

Featured photo credit: easysuccessfulonlinedating.com via cdn.tomatoheart.com

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MICHAEL LILY

Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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