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Can Forgiveness Heal Your Soul?

Can Forgiveness Heal Your Soul?

Forgiveness can be a confusing concept. Welcome to the club. It is not exclusive. The membership has been prepaid by millions of folks before our current “How do I” submission is ever communicated. Here is what I have learned.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the story of the past, but it will change the perception of that story, further changing how you process it, which leads ultimately in changing how you tell it. Forgiveness becomes the connect-the-dots formula that heals the body, refreshes the mind, and encourages the soul. This loving practice turns our future into one worth looking forward to.

Ever desire to move on but struggle with just how this is accomplished? On one hand, the inclination to justify an uncomfortable emotion and consequently hold on to the behavior that follows is a pretty strong one to resist. It is commonly called “payback,” and it is normal. What on Earth do you do when feelings occur because in some way, you acknowledge that you have been unjustly treated? The reaction to this can lead us into a negative set of patterns if we aren’t mindful of how destructive it can be.

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Now, on the other hand we find ourselves with a desire to remove the very thing that is causing the emotional pain that we have determined is holding us back. No, not the source. That would be scandalous. We could find ourselves in front of a tribunal explaining why the person went missing. What I’m talking about is removing the knot inside us that is giving us an ongoing stomach ache.

Why Not Just Forget It?

Forgiveness is not predicated on forgetting. We cannot delete an experience however painful it may be. If you are like me, the wish is that you could. Forgiveness has everything to do with letting go of any claim that we carry to be compensated for the hurt or loss that we have suffered. Forgiveness is a radical approach to healing.

Robert Enright, a Catholic Psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, developed something called “The Enright Forgiveness Inventory” which is fairly detailed. A pdf for your review can be found here. In it, he gives a list of exercises that claim to benefit the psychological component that affects the heart.

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I have a simpler approach. The examination of one word: imperfection.

Consider that we all at one time or another have caused some degree of hurt. Excluding toddlers (because those little beans haven’t developed fully yet) we can summize that this is true. Is it that difficult to provide an opportunity for others to as well?

Once that reality is reached it becomes less about specific and more about degree. What measurement on our scale does the degree of unjust read? The specific action is just a side note. What becomes important is how the level of intensity causes us to feel about it.

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Relational or Situational

Is it relational or situational? Let me explain. While both test our ability to choose an appropriate reaction, only one has a longer shelf life.

Relational deals commonly with individuals and groups. A one-on-one you might say, where things are said or done that solicit a gasp, or in a group when someone is called out — typically in a not-so-nice way. Either way, you’re left down-right astonished.

Situational deals with your surroundings or environment. Say you lose your house in a fire, and arson is the cause. Yes, forgiveness is complicated.

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Relationships are our common thread. We cannot get through our day to day without them — unless of course, you are a recluse. This by choice has an entirely different structure altogether. I am not judging here; it just isn’t, for me, a preferred lifestyle.

Forgiveness in a relationship stems from what we are willing to accept. The wisdom here is that upon forgiving, we no longer put ourselves in that position again to experience what we have come to forgive. Read it again: it makes sense.

Forgiveness is a state of mind. Each one of us has a unique value that if stepped on unconsciously or otherwise will create resentment. Forgiveness must be a focused attention followed by deliberate action. Forgiveness becomes a precious gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is freedom.

This Is Hard Work but It’s Not Impossible

This takes patience, practice, and persistence, but I assure you that forgiveness can relieve stress, create peace and — oh yeah — keep you out of a really bad revenge trend. As difficult at times as it can be, looking at the larger picture of life through the lens of love and kindness does in fact cleanse and nurture the soul. I encourage you all to give this a try. There is a reason the “Golden Rule” is a great living philosophy. It works.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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andre lewis

Former Inside Operations Supervisor UPS

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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