Advertising
Advertising

Confidence Problems? Learn How to Be Satisfied with Yourself

Confidence Problems? Learn How to Be Satisfied with Yourself

The standards forced upon both men and women are unrealistic and unreachable. Our constant efforts to achieve those standards very often lead to anxiety and frustrations. When built up, these two powerful enemies of our confidence, joined by criticism, will eventually destroy what little confidence we have.

You shouldn’t allow for unjustly factors to shatter your belief in yourself and turn you into a faceless piece of machinery – you’re not that. The fact that you don’t seem to fit into those standards only means that you should look for a different type of metric system that fits your qualities. But, first thing’s first – let’s start from the beginning.

Talk Nerdy to Me

image01

    Psychologists don’t really agree on one single theory about confidence and what it really is, but they do meet halfway when it comes to certain terms. We should start by clearly distinguishing between the two terms – self-esteem and confidence; the more you appreciate yourself, the more will your levels of self-esteem grow and you’ll become confident.

    Advertising

    That being said, you should further be aware of the fact that there’s not only one kind of self-esteem. They vary from how you feel about yourself as a member of your family, of your business team, in a relationship, as a member of society, etc.

    The kinds of self-esteem should be on an importance scale, so to speak, because not every area of your life is a priority, right? Therefore, if you’re perhaps preparing a meal and it seems to taste awful, even after you’ve spent hours on it, you will be very frustrated if you’re a professional chef. On the other hand, if you’re an amateur, you might even have a few laughs over your burnt dinner.

    A person’s self-esteem varies not only as a result of actions, but also because of many smaller factors, like waking up with a pimple, having a bad hair day and being complemented or not.

    Another interesting fact is that narcissism isn’t considered to be the highest level of confidence. As the melodramatic kind, these people love spotlights and a lack of attention makes them incredibly frustrated, which leads directly to self-doubt. Being a narcissist is quite unstable, and their mood depends on their environment and the feedback they receive.

    Advertising

    On the contrary, people with very low self-esteem don’t respond to positive feedback and negative feedback makes them feel even worse about themselves. When someone tries to show appreciation and make them feel good about themselves, they perceive this affirmation as a form of pity.

    Obviously, moderation is the solution here. Those lucky among us who have stable self-esteem, which isn’t affected by minor turbulences, they are the confident ones.

    Determine the Cause of Your Problem

    image02

      I’m sure you have managed to recognize yourself in at least one of the situations mentioned up until now. Introspectiveness is a powerful tool if you want to have your confidence problems resolved, so you need to begin by finding the source of your instability.

      Advertising

      Take some time off and spend it with yourself in order to find out which part of your life makes you feel generally miserable. Perhaps you neglected your friends and now you feel selfish and self-centered, or you might have missed your kid’s last few games or recitals, which makes you feel like you failed as a parent. You might have managed to miss a deadline or two in your office and that makes you doubt your skills.

      Try to be a better friend, spend some quality time with your family and work harder – within a reasonable timeframe, you’ll feel better about yourself.

      Embrace Your Unique Qualities

      image03

        I’m sure you know at least one person that’s perfect; they get everything done in time without complaining one bit and they don’t even look tired – ever. Well, we can agree that people like that are born under a lucky star, but there’s one other thing you should be aware of; their abilities simply fit into today’s conventional standards more than yours.

        Advertising

        Now, I’m not trying to suggest that there’s not any hard work involved; that’s not my point. My point is that it’s easier for them to fit into an average environment and resurface as brilliant, capable people; you just need to dig deeper and look harder for yours. After you embrace your qualities as such, finding the right environment to show them in will be easier.

        Do Some Work on Your Body and Mind

        man reading book in park
          Confidence isn’t necessarily connected to general attractiveness; beautiful people tend to be more confident in some situations, but they also tend to be vain because they are used to special treatment.

          Let me draw you a little picture; imagine two people who are equally attractive – one of them confident and another filled with self-doubt. The confident one has a positive attitude, their selection of clothes is more attractive and they are communicative, and all of that just because of higher levels of self-esteem. I’m sure you can assume that the second person will avoid any attention and that will be obvious through their behavior and appearance.

          The second person isn’t a happy person, and all of that because of imaginary obstacles set by their mind. If you’re not satisfied with yourself, you should do some work on you – inside and out. Listen to your thoughts and try to recognize those negative and unrealistic ones and shut them down for good. Then, open your closet and get rid of those awful baggy clothes that make you look like a shadow. Go shopping and find flattery garments that express who you are inside.

          Anything Is Possible

          Woman Kicking Leg Up In Front of Graffiti Wall
            I know this is a used phrase that’s constantly used, but that doesn’t make it anything less true, because anything is possible. It’s never too late to go parachuting, move to Africa, learn how to knit, become a painter – as a matter of fact, you can even grow taller. What you need for any of the things I just mentioned, all you need is the right mindset because with it comes determination and the will necessary for you to complete your goals.

            The bottom line is that we all have our insecurities and that’s only natural. The difference between confident people and those who have a lack of it is in whether or not they allow those insecurities to get to them.

            More by this author

            Being Asked a Tricky Interview Question? Give These Skillful Responses to Earn Extra Time 6 Useful Gadgets Every Proud Workaholic Should Own How Not to Get Ripped Off When Buying Your First Car How to Show Affection without Looking Needy or Being Clingy When Things Get Serious: How to Go from “Single” to “In a Relationship”

            Trending in Brain

            1 5 Proven Memorization Techniques to Make the Most of Your Memory 2 Are You Right-Brain Dominant? (7 Right Brain Characteristics) 3 17 Ways To Develop a Growth Mindset 4 7 Simple Brain Training Habits to Boost Your Brain Power 5 How to Increase Brain Power, Boost Memory and Become 10X Smarter

            Read Next

            Advertising
            Advertising
            Advertising

            Last Updated on January 21, 2020

            5 Proven Memorization Techniques to Make the Most of Your Memory

            5 Proven Memorization Techniques to Make the Most of Your Memory

            Do you forget stuff every now and then? Are you trying to enhance your memory but not sure how?

            All you need is the right memorization techniques to make the most of your memory.

            The human brain is fascinating. More specifically, the vast interconnections within our mind. Mendel Kaelen compares the human brain to a hill covered in snow,

            “Think of the brain as a hill covered in snow, and thoughts as sleds gliding down that hill. As one sled after another goes down the hill a small number of main trails will appear in the snow. And every time a new sled goes down, it will be drawn into preexisting trails, almost like a magnet. In time it becomes more and more difficulty to glide down the hill on any other path or in a different direction.”

            The intent of Kaelen’s discussion is to think of new ways to temporarily flatten the snow. Kaelen remarked,

            “The deeply worn trails disappear, and suddenly the sled can go in other directions, exploring new landscapes and, literally, creating new pathways.”

            The idea here is to temporarily rewire your brain, or as Michael Pollan remarked in How to Change Your Mind,

            “The power to shake the snow globe, disrupting unhealthy patterns of thought and creating a space of flexibility-entropy-in which more salubrious patterns and narratives have an opportunity to coalesce as the snow slowly settles.”

            So, how can we rewire our brain allowing deeply worn connections to disappear and new connections to form? The answer is quite simple. We must change the way we store information in our mind.

              Let’s examine 5 specific memorization techniques that will change the way you think and remember information.

              1. Build a Memory Palace

                What is it?

                The method of loci[1] (aka memory palace) is a method of memory enhancement using visualizations with the use of spatial memory. It uses familiar information about your environment to quickly recall information. It is a method that was discussed by Cicero in an ancient dialogue called De Oratore.

                How to use it?

                Ron White discusses in How to Memorize Fast and Easily: Build a Memory Palace, that it’s essentially a room or building that you have memorized and you use locations in the room to store data. Ron informs us,

                “You memorize locations in a room and then you later go back to those locations to retrieve the data that you want to remember.”

                Example

                An easy 5-step example, in the form of a Wiki, can be found at Artofmemory.com. Let’s examine the the steps:

                • Step 1. Choose a place that you know well. For example, your house or office.
                • Step 2. Plan the route and pick specific locations in your route. For example, your front door, bathroom kitchen, etc.
                • Step 3. Decide what you want to memorize. For example, geography, list of items, answers for a test, etc.
                • Step 4. Place one or two items, with a mental image, and place them in your memory palace. Exaggerate your images. For example, use nudity or crazy images forcing it to stick in your mind.
                • Step 5. Make the image into a mnemonic.

                You can learn more about this technique here: How to Build a Memory Palace to Remember More of Everything

                2. Mnemonic

                  What is it?

                  A mnemonic is a memory device that aids in retention and/or retrieval of information. Mnemonic systems are techniques consciously used to improve memory by helping us use information already stored in long-term memory to make memorization easier.[2]

                  How to use it?

                  Mnemonics make use of retrieval cues to encode information in our brain allowing for efficient storage and retrieval of the information. The trick is to learn how to easily create mnemonics. If you find that you struggle with creating your own, try the following website: Mnemonic Generator.

                  Example

                  I recently came across a video using mnemonics to memorize countries. Memorizing Countries using Mnemonics is a video created as an introduction to a class for using memory techniques to learn the names of countries on maps.

                  I actively search for videos that provide enormous educational value, yet receive very little exposure. At the time of this writing, this video has received less than 4k views. Let’s examine the video.

                  Goal: Create a mnemonic to memorize the countries in the Caribbean (just the countries you need to learn).

                  Step 1. Looking at a map – write out each country (for which five were chosen).

                  Cuba, Jamaica, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico.

                  Step 2. Write the first letter of each country vertically.

                  C

                  J

                  H

                  D

                  Advertising

                  P

                  Step 3. Create a sentence or phrase.

                  Cubs

                  Just

                  Hate

                  Doing

                  Push-ups

                  Cubs just hate doing push-ups. (Cuba Jamaica Haiti Dominican Republic Puerto Rico)

                  3. Mnemonic Peg System

                    What is it?

                    According to Artofmemory.com, a mnemonic peg system is a technique for memorizing lists and it works by memorizing a list of words that are easy to associate with the numbers they represent.[3] These objects are the pegs of the system.

                    How to use it?

                    The trick is to create a Number Rhyme System with each number having a rhyming mnemonic keyword.

                    Example

                    Let’s look at an example of a Number Rhyme System:[4]

                    0 = hero

                    1 = gun

                    2 = shoe

                    Advertising

                    3 = tree

                    4 = door

                    5 = hive

                    6 = sticks

                    7 = heaven

                    8 = gate

                    9 = line

                    Another technique like the Peg system is the Number Shape System.[5] Here you are assigning mnemonic images based on the shape of the number. Watch the following video for an example of this system: Number Shape System for Memorizing Numbers.

                    4. Chunking

                      What is it?

                      Chunking is a way to remember large bits of information by chunking them into smaller pieces of information. We are more likely to then remember the information when we put the small pieces back together to see the entire picture.

                      How to use it?

                      In the video Chunking – A Learning Technique, we can see that there are several ways to chunk information.

                      Example

                      Let’s examine a simple example using a nine-digit number.

                      Step 1. What is the number you are trying to remember?

                      081127882

                      Step 2. Cut the number into smaller pieces through chunking.

                      Advertising

                      081 – 127 – 882

                      Let’s look at one more example from the same video.

                      “Piano teachers will first demonstrate an entire song to students. They will then ask their students to practice one measure at a time. Once the part has been learned and the neural connections in the brain have been built, then students go on to the next measure. After all chunks have been played separately, they are combined until the entire piece is connected.”

                      5. Transfer of Learning

                        What is it?

                        Transfer of learning is a way to learn something in one area and apply it in another. Authors of Thinking at Every Desk, Derek and Laura Cabrera inform us about the transfer of learning,

                        “If a student has a high transfer skills, she can learn one thing and then teach herself 10, 50, or 100 additional things.”

                        How to use it?

                        There are two specific ways to use it:

                        1. Vertical Transfer (aka Far Transfer). Think of learning something in grade school and applying it another grade or later in life.
                        2. Horizontal Transfer (aka Near Transfer). Think of learning a concept in history and applying it in math.

                        Example

                        I provide a detailed step-by-step example for this technique in this article:

                        Learn How to Learn: How to Understand and Connect Difficult Ideas Easily

                        The Bottom Line

                        The key to using the techniques discussed here is to remember that we must actively think about information.

                        We cannot simply drill information into our brain through rote memorization. We must change the way we think about memorization. We must find a way to “shake the snow-globe” in our mind or flatten the snow so that we can create new learning paths.

                        Or as Derek and Laura Cabrera point out, we must insert “Thinking” into the equation,

                        “Information X Thinking = Knowledge”

                        More About Enhancing Memories

                        Featured photo credit: Nong Vang via unsplash.com

                        Reference

                        [1] Remember Everything: Memory Palaces and the Method of Loci
                        [2] The Learning Center Exchange: 9 Types of Mnemonics for Better Memory
                        [3] Art of Memory: Mnemonic Peg System
                        [4] Art of Memory: Number Rhyme System
                        [5] Art of Memory: Number Shape System

                        Read Next