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4 Important Pillars for Building a Strong Relationship with Your Lover

4 Important Pillars for Building a Strong Relationship with Your Lover

Building a strong relationship with the one you love isn’t your responsibility alone. It takes two to have a relationship; therefore it also takes two to have a strong relationship. Unfortunately, many people who are either dating or married don’t realize that their participation has a lot of weight on their relationship.

That causes most of them to suffer, or even have to experience bad breakups just because they aren’t exercising their part. If you’re having such a problem with your significant other, this post may be able to help you guys in some cases.

There are many supporting factors to enable you to have a strong relationship; however, I’m going to share just a few important ones with you here. More precisely, I’m sharing four of them with you.

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Pillar # 1: Trust your partner

Trust is said to be a skill that one has to learn. This notion of trust being a skill that someone has to learn isn’t something that we commonly hear people talk about in our society. You may hear people talking about how to build trust, how to prove trust, or even how to restore trust, but talking about learning to trust is very minimal. Nonetheless, it’s one of the most important parts in a strong relationship.

Therefore you ought to learn how to trust your lover. It will not happen over night, any skill would require practice and trials. This skill is not an exception to that; you’ll need to practice in order to develop this skill as well.

Pillar # 2: Have good communication skills

Good communication is important in almost everything. Business’ owners are usually emphasizing on the importance of good communication skills. That’s because they’re looking to build good relationship with their customers.

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Although a romantic relationship and a business relationship are two different contexts, good communication is required in both of them in order for them to last. Nevertheless, a married couple will have to try to be even better in communicating to one another. Do you want to know why? They live in the same house and spend more time together. If they aren’t communicating correctly like two respectful adults, they won’t have a healthy relationship.

Pillar # 3: Respect for each other

Respect is a behavior that’s found in all healthy and strong relationships. With mutual respect many things can be done in a relationship. That means you’ll have to give your respect in order to get it from your significant other.

Doctor Peter Gray states, “In relationships, respect may be even more crucial than love.”

Who could’ve thought of that? Well, Dr. Gray who’s a psychologist gives his opinion as stated above, that’s to show you how important respect is in a relationship. Although we need love from our boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancée, husband, or wife, respect is also expected, and it’s crucial to have it. If there’s no respect, then the love won’t be able to be shown – it’s just as simple as that.

Pillar # 4: Practice compromising

Although argument in a relationship is completely normal, sometimes couples have to get to a point where they decide to compromise. When two individuals are involved in a relationship and neither one of them can compromise, it’s really not a good thing.

If you and your partner are able to compromise when you guys are having an argument, resolution will always be found quicker. As a result your relationship will be healthier and stronger.

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To wrap up

Being in a healthy and happy relationship requires hard work from both parties. There isn’t one single couple out there who have never found themselves in some difficult times. What’s important is the ability to surpass those hard times and move forward. I was able to share some important tips with you in this post so that your relationship can get stronger.

Always remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. All relationships suffer at some point, but you’ll always have to be ready to work and to fix your relationship when you have to.

Featured photo credit: Toa Heftiba via hd.unsplash.com

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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