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2 Things You Must Let Go to Find Happiness and Satisfaction

2 Things You Must Let Go to Find Happiness and Satisfaction

Have you ever wondered, what would your life be like if you wouldn’t be able to judge your environment, the world that you live in? I know for a fact that some of the greatest things that have happened to me, such as becoming a vegetarian or starting my own blog, happened only because I was able to silence my pride and prejudice for a while. I allowed myself to close my eyes, and I refused to listen. My imagination began to go wild, and I finally said to myself “why not?” 

The desire to learn

Now, where am I going with this? Well, I want to continue by saying that some of the most successful people out there have at least one thing in common – the desire to learn. A person cannot progress and be successful if they are closed to experiencing and learning something new. Their ability to refrain from saying – “I know that” – allows them to expand in their development beyond what most people are capable of.

You have probably have heard of some people saying that they are wiser because they are older. While that may be true sometimes, I have seen cases where people in their 40’s definitely have misused that argument. By saying something like that, they automatically close themselves from understanding and learning something new about this world. Do you think that a 20-year old cannot be wiser than a 40-year old? Of course, they can be!

When I was a little younger, my family used to own budgies. You know, those little blue, green and yellow parrots that you see in pet shops. These birds are small in size, and are not extraordinarily smart. However, there was not a day that I didn’t learn something new about them, and something new from them. I remember being amazed by how much these birds can do, while being that small. I looked and I stared, and I never thought of them as being stupid or anything even remotely close to that.

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Again, where am I going with this?

If we are able to learn so much from small birds living in our house, how much can we learn from other people? How much can we learn just by observing the world around us?

Our progress slows as our egos expand

Unfortunately, as we grow older, our ego expands with us. As we see ourselves becoming intellectually savvy, our importance begins to play a major role in our life. The three words “I know that” becomes quite common in our vocabulary. We get accustomed to looking down at some people, and disliking others. Our progress in this world slows down.

Coming back to the topic of pride and prejudice, do you think that these two concepts are taking over your life? I personally have come across many situations where I knew that if I would have given the other person a chance, I could have learned something new and probably benefited from it. But I let my own pride and prejudice regarding that other person take this experience away from me. I simply made the decision not listen to them, because I mistakenly thought that I knew better.

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Living in a world of duality

We live in a world of duality, where we choose to see things as up or down, black or white, sadness or happiness, good or bad…the list goes on and on. Although we say that we should not judge a book by its cover, we keep doing it every day of our life. We are able to predict an outcome of something before it has even happened, simply because we have already formed an opinion regarding it. When we see a person walk by us, we instantly give them a label based on the shoes that they wear, or the haircut that they have. It just seems so natural to do this. I, however, ask all of us to change these habits.

There are moments in life when I practice full awareness, and one part that I really love about it is when I am able not to judge others based on their looks or the way they speak, for a long period of time. It is an amazing feeling. Somebody that you wouldn’t otherwise consider talking to, becomes suddenly such a nice person. Being able to see beyond the form is truly a gift.

Another example of where pride and prejudice impact us a lot is in education. I remember coming to class during my university years, and trying to listen to some of the professors. Sometimes, when I already knew something that they were explaining, I felt that I had no reason to keep listening. I closed myself from all of the information that was offered to me. On other occasions, I didn’t like how the teacher taught, and so I convinced myself into believing that the teacher is not capable of teaching me. Instead of focusing on what I could learn, I focused on how “bad” the professor was at teaching. Now when I think of it, if only I wasn’t so quick to judge, I could have learnt so much more.

Today vs before

Living in today’s society has become incredibly easy. In the past decades and centuries, interactions between a teacher and a student were quite different. Information was given, and when the students refused to behave, they could have been spanked, or even struck with a wooden stick. School corporal punishment was a common practice.

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In those times it was probably difficult to complain about the form that was used to teach. Instead, the meaning, the essence of what the teacher was trying to tell them was given the priority.

Today, the world in that context has become a much better place. People are generally polite to each other, avoid conflicts, and violence is prohibited in schools. All of this has given us the freedom to choose who we want to learn from. We now have more space to focus on the form, on the how of what is being taught to us, instead of focusing on the what. 

Pride and prejudice, if not tamed, can be our worst enemies, that prevent us from developing ourselves further. I ask you to be more aware of not only how people talk to you, but more of what they say. If you neglect this, you may be missing out on a lot.

I began this post saying that by silencing my pride and prejudice for a while, I allowed myself to see vegetarianism as something so powerful, instead of “stupid”. I also allowed myself to see blog-writing, as something so interesting and fascinating, instead of something that will kill my free time and simply take me nowhere. Both of these things make me extremely happy and satisfied. Is happiness or satisfaction not worth leaving pride and prejudice outside of your life?

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Here I talk about the topic only from one of the million angles. You can expand on it and see for yourself where either pride or prejudice has prevented you from something great. In any case, the main thing that I wish you to realise is the importance of seeing and hearing beyond your own reactions to what is being shown or said to you.

Thank you.

More by this author

Victor Stepanchikov

Software Engineer, Blogger, Personal Development Freak

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Published on October 22, 2020

What Is Analysis Paralysis (And How to Overcome It)

What Is Analysis Paralysis (And How to Overcome It)

Have you ever taken so long trying to solve a problem that you just ended up going around in circles? How about trying to make a major decision and just freezing up when the time to decide came?

You might have found yourself gathering too much information, hoping it will help you make the best decision—even if it takes you too long to do so. This probably led to many missed opportunities, especially in situations where you needed to act on time.

Nobody wants to make the wrong decision. However, delayed decision making can have a hugely negative impact on all aspects of your life—from your personal relationships to your career. Delaying important decisions can be the worst decision of all.

At one point or another, people get stuck at a decision impasse they can’t seem to overcome. This is due to a mental blindspot called information bias, informally known as analysis paralysis.

Analysis Paralysis and Stalled Decisions

Information bias, or analysis paralysis, is our tendency to seek more information than is needed to make decisions and take action.[1] It is one of many cognitive biases that cause us to make mistakes during the decision-making process.

A related cognitive bias is the status quo bias, which is our tendency to prefer that things stay the same and fear any changes.[2] Together with analysis paralysis, these two dangerous judgment errors pose a threat to our successful navigation through our rapidly-shifting world.

Consider what happened to Lily, a consulting client of mine who’s a mid-level manager in the UX department of a large tech company. Lily had been there for 5 years and was thinking about switching to a startup after a couple tried to recruit her.

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However, she had been taking a lot of time making a decision. In fact, before she contacted me, she had already gathered information and talked to a lot of people for 7 months. Realistically, more information won’t sway her decision, but she kept trying to gather more information.

And then, there was the technology company that came to me after their growth started to decline. The company had initially experienced rapid growth with a couple of innovative products. However, its growth started to decrease—unfortunate, but not unexpected.

Essentially, the company’s growth followed the typical S-curve growth model, which starts as a slow and effortful start-up stage. This is followed by a rapid growth stage, then a slowdown in growth, often following market saturation or competitive pressure or other factors. This is the point where the company’s existing products reach maturity.

However, even before a slowdown hits, forward-thinking companies would innovate and change things up proactively. This is so they could have new products ready to go that would maintain rapid growth.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case with this particular tech company. Not only did they not address the potential decline but once the company’s growth stalled, the leaders dug their heels in and stayed the course. They kept on analyzing the market to find the cause of the problem.

Worse, a couple of executives in the company proposed launching new products, but most of the leadership was cautious. They kept on asking for guarantees that the products would be a success, demanding more information even when additional information wasn’t relevant.

Both Lily and the tech company remained paralyzed by too much information when they should already have taken action. While this situation isn’t unexpected, it is totally avoidable.

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As I told both parties when they consulted me, all they needed to do was to face analysis paralysis head-on and make a decision. But they had to follow the best decision-making process available first, didn’t they?

8-Step Decision-Making Process to Avoid Analysis Paralysis

I told Lily and the leaders at the tech company that we should never go with our gut if we want to avoid disasters in our personal and professional lives.[3] Instead, I advised them, as I advise you now, to follow data-driven, research-based approaches, such as the one I’ll outline below.

From hiring a new employee, launching a new product, selecting a Zoom guest speaker for your annual video conference to deciding whether to apply for a higher-level position within your company, the following steps will help you fight analysis paralysis and make the best decisions possible.

1. Identify the Need to Launch a Decision-Making Process

This is particularly important when there’s no explicit crisis that cries out for a change or decision to be made. Such recognition is also applicable when your natural intuitions are keeping you from acknowledging the need for a tough decision.

Remember that the best decision-makers take the initiative to recognize the need for decisions before they become an emergency. They also don’t let gut reactions cloud their decision-making capacity.

2. Gather Relevant Information From a Wide Variety of Informed Perspectives

Listen especially to opinions you disagree with. Contradicting perspectives empower you to distance yourself from the comfortable reliance on your gut instincts, which can sometimes be harmful to decision-making. Opposing ideas also help you recognize any potential bias blind spots, and this allows you to come up with solutions that you may not have otherwise.

3. Paint a Clear Vision of Your Desired Outcome

Using the data gleaned from step 2, decide which goals you want to reach. Paint a clear vision of the desired outcome of your decision-making process. You should also recognize that what seems to be a one-time decision may turn out to be a symptom of an underlying issue with current processes and practices. Make addressing these root problems part of the outcome you want to achieve.

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4. Make a Decision-Making Process Criteria

Make a decision-making process criteria to weigh the various options of how you’d like to get to your desired outcome. As much as possible, develop these criteria before you start to consider choices. Our intuitions bias our decision-making criteria to encourage certain outcomes that fit our instincts. As a result, you get overall worse decisions if you don’t develop criteria before starting to look at options.

5. Generate Several Viable Options

We tend to fall into the trap of generating insufficient options to make the best decisions, and this can lead to analysis paralysis. To prevent this, you should generate many more options than you usually would. Generate several viable options that can help you achieve your decision-making process goals. Go for 5 attractive options as the minimum.

Keep in mind that this is a brainstorming step, so don’t judge options no matter how far fetched they might seem. In my consulting and coaching experience, the optimal choice often involves elements drawn from out-of-the-box options.

6. Weigh These Options and Pick the Best One

When weighing your options, beware of going with your initial preferences. Try to see your preferred choice in a harsh light. Also, do your best to separate each option from the person who proposed it. This minimizes the impact of personalities, relationships, and internal politics on the decision itself.

7. Implement the Option You Chose

For implementing the decision, you need to minimize risks and maximize rewards, since your goal is to get a decision outcome that’s as good as possible.

First, imagine that the decision completely failed. Then, brainstorm about all the problems that led to this failure. Next, consider how you might solve these problems, and integrate the solutions into your implementation plan.

Next, imagine that the decision absolutely succeeded. Brainstorm all the reasons for success and consider how you can bring these reasons into life. Then, integrate what you learned into implementing the decisions.

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Finally, develop clear metrics of success that you can measure throughout the implementation process. This will enable you to check if you’re meeting the goals you identified in step 3. It will also help guide your goal-setting process—something to keep in mind when you use this decision-making technique again in the future.

8. Set a Reminder to Use the Process for Future Decisions

Regularly check if it’s time to employ the decision-making process once again. As discussed in the first step, there may be times when there’s no explicit crisis that cries out for a change, even though underlying issues might already be signaling that it’s time for a tough decision.

Setting a reminder—perhaps a visual one such as a note on your desk, or even just a scheduled alert on your phone—will ensure that you can catch decision-making cues before they’re due.

While Lily and the tech company initially had to fight off a lot of discomforts when using the process, they were ultimately rewarded with sound decisions they were immensely satisfied with.

This battle-tested method will do the same for you. It will certainly propel your decision-making and, at the same time, help you thwart analysis paralysis and avoid decision disasters.

Conclusion

Nobody wants to make the wrong decision, but you also don’t want to take too long and miss opportunities. By using a data-driven and research-based approach to decision making, you can nip analysis paralysis in the bud and make the best decisions.

More Tips to Overcome Analysis Paralysis

Featured photo credit: Muhmed El-Bank via unsplash.com

Reference

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