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12 Easy Actions You Can Take Today to Boost Your Confidence

12 Easy Actions You Can Take Today to Boost Your Confidence

Small actions built up over time become large results.

Every one of us want to boost our confidence, but few of us know where to start. The key is to start small. So here are 15 small actions you can take to boost your confidence today.

1. List 3 things you’re grateful for

Most of our unhappiness sprouts from anger, fear, and disappointment. If we can shift our focus for a moment to the things we’re grateful for in our lives, these feelings start to fade away.

How to get started: Think of 3 things you’re grateful for in your life today and if you want to continue this practice, purchase a gratitude journal like the Five-minute journal.

“The antidote to fear is gratitude. The antidote to anger is gratitude. You can’t feel fear or anger while feeling gratitude at the same time.” -Tony Robbins

2. Public speaking

When Warren Buffett was asked what skillset is the most important one to focus on for graduates, he confidently said public speaking.

How to get started: Check out your local Toastmasters, where you’ll find a supportive group of people offering constructive feedback to help you learn faster.

3. Speak a foreign language: Learning a new language has shown to enhance your mental focus, advance your career, and even improve your native language.

How to get started: The key to learning how to speak a new language is the way we learned our first language: speaking with native speakers. Check out websites like Rype, which connects you with handpicked professional language teachers for up to unlimited 1-on-1 lessons.

4. Build your network

Your network is your net worth. Not to say that your network is the end all for boosting your confidence, but having people around you that will be there to support your goals is reassuring.

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How to get started: Visit websites like Eventbrite and Meetup, and find local events in your industry.

5. Learn how to cook a new dish: Want to improve your friends or date this weekend? Try picking up your cooking skills.

How to get started: Go to Youtube or niche websites like Epicurious to get inspiration for new dishes you can cook.

6. Travel somewhere new

Discovering new cultures and visiting countries you’ve never been to may seem scary at first, but will do wonders for your confidence after traveling.

How to get started: Not everyone may have the freedom to travel when they want, due to time constraints, financial reasons, etc. But there are creative ways to travel cheaply by following travel hacks laid out by others.

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7. Meditation

Regular meditation has proven to increase your happiness, reduce your anxiety, and improve your relationships.

How to get started: Leverage free applications like Headspace or Calm, which provides guided meditation on-demand.

8. Speed reading

Knowledge is power. One of the best ways to improve your knowledge is by reading. Unfortunately, we all have 24 hours in a day. By learning how to speed read, we can go through more articles, books, and papers to enhance our knowledge.

How to get started: You can either learn the techniques of speed reading, or you can use technological tools like Spritz.

9. Volunteer

One of the best ways to boost your confidence is by doing good for others, specifically for those that truly need it. Whether it’s serving food for the homeless, or teaching children how to read, it’ll be one of the best times you’ve spent this week.

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How to get started: Wherever you live, you can find non-profit organizations that are constantly seeking volunteers to bring into staff. A simple google search can answer your question.

10. Say “No” more often

Saying “Yes” to external demands like coffee meetings or favors from friends can drain you after a certain limit. By saying “no” more often, you can carve more time out for yourself, and do more to improve yourself, like learning new things, etc.

How to get started: There’s really no easy way to do this or a tool that can help you. It just comes down to being bold, and saying “no” more often without trying to offend those that want your help or time.

11. Make your bed

 It sounds simple, but there’s studies that show that making your bed can boost your happiness. According to Psychology Today, 71 percent of bed makers consider themselves happy; while 62 percent of non-bed-makers admit to being unhappy.

12. Pick 1 small goal for today, and achieve it

The biggest mistake most of us make is to try to tackle a large goal without breaking it down into tiny steps. If your goal is to learn a new language, pick a small goal like deciding how you’re going to learn or even what language you should learn.

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More by this author

Sean Kim

Sean is the founder and CEO of Rype, a language learning app. He's an entrepreneur and blogger.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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