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It’s Time to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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It’s Time to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“Oh my goodness did you see the new Mercedes Kate just posted on Facebook? She is so lucky. My car is 6 years old and needs a new transmission.”

“No, but did you see the Instagram photos of Jessica’s family ski vacation in the Alps? It makes our weekend at Six Flags seem pitiful.”

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The current culture of prevalent social media has made it too easy for everyone to compare their lives to others, especially when it comes to material items and vacations. We can see the lives of friends, family, and others on social media and it becomes easy to want everything they have. We may even feel we deserve what they have. We can literally make ourselves miserable and unhappy by wanting what others have.

Materialism does not make us happy. Contentment comes from within. A mindset of gratitude for what you already have is more likely to make you happy than to endlessly pursue what everyone else may have in terms of possessions. There are ways to understand “The Joneses” that can help you stop wanting what others have and thus trying to keep up with them. Appearance can be deceptive. Just because someone appears to have lots of “stuff” doesn’t mean their life is better, or happier. In fact, trying to be a Jones can get you in lots of trouble and make your life quite miserable. Here are some thoughts to ponder about “The Joneses”.

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Debt so Deep They Actually Own Nothing

There are many families living in so much debt that they don’t actually own anything. They have debt on all of their vehicles with the bank owning more of their vehicles than they do. They have a mortgage on their home and put very little down when buying it. They buy their furniture on payment plans. Their credit cards are in full use and never paid off, as they are used to living beyond their means. Nothing they have is truly theirs. It is owned by the credit card company, the bank, and the furniture store. It is a life built like a house of cards that can come toppling down anytime with a major life catastrophe such as cancer, a debilitating car accident, or a home invasion that wasn’t covered by the home owner’s insurance. A life built on money borrowed is a scary way to live, because it can easily fall apart when tragedy strikes. And it will eventually strike, as no one is immune to accidents, health problems, or death. The question is only when it will strike. Too many “Joneses” aren’t prepared for tragedy, as they are living on borrowed money and esentially a borrowed lifestyle.

Buying a House at the Top of Their Budget

When shopping for a house it becomes easy to get lured into buying at the high end of your budget. It doesn’t matter your budget range, this is a human tendency; to want the maximum of whatever you are looking to buy. This is why many people become “house poor”. “House poor” means you have so much of your monthly income or budget going toward house payments that you have to sacrifice other things such as family vacations, parties, and other luxuries that you would otherwise be able to afford had you purchased a less expensive home. If they were to buy at the low end of their budget, think of the possibilities that could be done with that money each month that wouldn’t go towards an expensive home. Making memories are far more important than having the biggest, best house on the block. When you are on your death bed are you going to say “I am so glad I had the best house among my friends” or will it be something a long the lines of “I am so thankful for the time that I got to spend with friends and family in my lifetime, and all the wonderful memories we had together.”

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Fake, Faux, Replica

Whatever you want to call it, wearing or using something that is a knock-off of the original is… saving money? Being fake? Who cares. Not our business. Just know that not all of what you see others wearing or using in life is the authentic brand. Knock-offs are everywhere these days, so don’t compare your handbag to others because you may be thinking they paid $400 when in reality they spent $25. Buy what you like because it’s your style and what you want, not because of a brand or because others own it. Happiness comes from being yourself, not someone who you think others want you to be. Don’t be a fake and don’t buy a fake because you think you will be happier, neither will successfully make you happy in the long term.

Living Paycheck to Paycheck

There are many people in our country living paycheck to paycheck. They don’t have money in savings and they don’t have money squirreled away for emergencies. They may seem to have it all because of everything that they have and all that they do, but they are really on the brink of disaster. If tragedy strikes they will be in a world of hurt because of their overspending and lack of saving. Living paycheck to paycheck out of necessity is one thing. It is another story when living this way is purely done for the satisfaction of our desires. Living by the urge to buy, buy and buy will not bring happiness long term. It will set you up for disaster, lots of worry and anxiety when living paycheck to paycheck is done for the pursuit of happiness in materialism.

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Sometimes They Are Lucky

They may have a wealthy spouse or they have a family inheritance. They may have a fabulous job and have made wise saving choices to afford what they have. You don’t know. Frankly, it’s none of our business. All that matters is that we are responsible with the money that is provided in our own lives. Living within our means gives us peace of mind that is precious. Having anxiety about money destroys marriages. It can give people so much angst that they need to now spend money on counseling or even worse, a divorce.

Living within a budget and the means you have will provide you contentment, as long as you stop comparing yourself to others. Look in your own life and what you do have. Find gratitude daily in the things you may have, such as a vehicle that works, a roof over your head, and food on the table. There are many in the world without these basics needs for survival. Look to the less fortunate for your comparisons if you have a need to compare. Gratitude should be the response, which makes you more content with all that you have been blessed with in this life.

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Featured photo credit: Cadillac via kaboompics.com

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Dr. Magdalena Battles

A Doctor of Psychology with specialties include children, family relationships, domestic violence, and sexual assault

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Published on November 8, 2021

How To Achieve Financial Freedom With the Right Mindset

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How To Achieve Financial Freedom With the Right Mindset

What would being financially free mean to you? Have you made the mistake of thinking that financial freedom requires millions of dollars and decades of hard work? When it comes to our relationship to money, the answers really lie in our mindset. Change your mindset around money and your entire financial outlook will change with it.

And no: we’re not talking about putting a check for a million dollars under your pillow at night. This is about you becoming a financially free person, in whatever capacity you choose. And that’s really the key: it needs to be defined by you. So many people outsource this responsibility to society/celebrities/the government etc… and as a result never achieve it.

What if you could identify what financial freedom looks like for you, realize that it is possible to get there in a matter of a few months and then build a road map to do just that?

Read on, because that’s what we’re going to open you up to. This isn’t about giving you specific strategies “guaranteed to work in five minutes or your money back…blah blah.” This is about awakening you to just how powerful you are, where your blocks lie and how to smash through them effectively.

Financial Freedom – What is it?

Well like I said: I’m not going to define this for you. That misses the whole point of this article, but let’s lay out some ideas to get you started.

Typically, when we talk about financial freedom in the west, we really mean: freedom from needing to work, in order to meet financial obligations. We know that there has been a rise in depression amongst nine-to-fivers, 62% as a matter of fact between 2019 and 2020 in the USA.[1] It’s therefore no wonder that there has been correlative uptick in the search for alternative solutions to finances.

This depression is largely as a result of feeling trapped, unable to realize potential and being denied opportunity. It is also likely that, thanks to a more global world and social media: we see just how abundant life can be for some; like a carrot dangled tantalisingly close, but just out of reach. We yearn for more meaning in our lives, more excitement and to be able to live on our terms.

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Finances are (as we see it) the stumbling block and the preserve of the chosen few…not us.

So to start building an accurate picture of what financial freedom would be for you, begin with what your life would look like if you didn’t have to worry about money. How would you feel if you didn’t have to consider your monthly budget, when putting your hand in your pocket to pay for lunch?

The point is that a lot of the stress and resulting depression that comes from feeling like a ‘wage-slave’ is down to our lack of clarity on what we actually want. We get caught, focussing on what we lack and that perpetuates a mindset of lack that very quickly is reflected in our reality. We are allowing our subconscious, emotional mind to be bombarded with imagery every day that reenforces a sense that we aren’t good enough. That we do not have what it takes.

That wouldn’t happen though if we had done the work of pinning down exactly what we wanted in the first place.

Does Financial Freedom Come at Extreme Levels of Net Worth?

There is a tendency, thanks again largely to how we are conditioned through media, to think that financial freedom only comes at extreme levels of net worth. What if I told you that is completely ill-founded and untrue?

Using the standard/assumed definition of financial freedom for a moment; this means that you need enough capital to generate a return that is greater than, or equal to your monthly expenditure. That doesn’t necessarily tell the full picture, but nevertheless; it’s is a good place to start.

If your monthly outgoings (mortgage, bills etc…) come to $3,000 for argument’s sake, you can achieve that with as little as $108,000 invested over three years.[2]

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Hardly the millions you had probably envisioned is it?

Remember: we’re not talking about you living a lavish lifestyle necessarily. If that is what you want; fantastic, it’s certainly achievable, but what we’re getting at here is your ability to meet all of your financial obligations without having to work.

I’m sure you’re unlikely to find $108,000 down the back of your couch, but it is a figure that is well within reach of most working adults. A $36,000 salary opens you up to borrowing that kind of money, and even if you have to continue working in the short term in order to service the debt and keep up with your bills; you’ll have a clear end goal in sight.

And you’ll have doubled your income in the meantime, for the same amount of work!

How To Achieve Financial Freedom With the Right Mindset

As we touched on earlier, coming at your life from a space of ‘lack’ simply perpetuates more of the same. As I always say: your environment doesn’t lie. Look around you, if you’re dissatisfied with any aspect of your life, you first need to accept responsibility for it. If you don’t, you’re abdicating your power to make new choices.

You may well have been the victim of circumstance in the past, but how you respond and what you do with that experience is up to you. If you choose to look for the positive, however minor it might be in any given situation – your experience of life will begin to change.

This is, in essence, what The Law of Attraction is all about. What lies behind it is your reticular activating system (RAS). The part of your brain designed to filter out the (as it sees it) unless information, highlight the important information and prioritize your safety. Thanks to it being part of your primeval/‘lizard’ brain however, it predates the conscious mind, intellect and reason.

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The issue for a lot of us is that we haven’t understood how to communicate in a way that our RAS understands. We can’t translate our conscious desires and are therefore caught in a loop between two incongruous forces.

Our subconscious wants us to be alive and it bases its criteria for this, largely on the principal of: same = safe. Meanwhile, your quality of life, passive income, work/life balance etc… are inconsequential. That part of your mind doesn’t give a hoot about the utility bill or being able to afford a holiday.

It is perfectly possible to show you subconscious/RAS the benefits of financial freedom though, or indeed any other outcome you’d like to see in your life. You just have to speak its language. Becoming debt free and financially free is actually one of the easiest things you can communicate to your subconscious, because you have so much ‘real-world’ experience with money.

Here’s how:

  1. Start by clearing your mind and being present – find a meditation, visualization or breathing exercise that calms your mind, allows you to focus on the present moment and become an observer of your surroundings. The point of this is to stop all of those thoughts buzzing around in your head that are pulling you back to the past, or projecting you into an imagined future.
  2. Then build a mental movie or slideshow of what your average day would look like, were you to achieve financial freedom. We’re not talking about big occasions, huge wins or events; just an average day.
  3. From your position of present observer – start to observe the feelings that arise as you go about this average day in your new life. Do you feel your shoulders relax and drop? Have you got excited ‘butterflies’ in your stomach? Are you smiling more?

Learn to recall these feelings at will – this will connect the dots for your RAS and you will soon start noticing a shift. Think of it as connecting with your desired future and pulling it into/towards your present.

Bonus Hack – Practice Gratitude

We’ve already discussed how you can start attracting/observing the opportunities that will enable you to achieve financial freedom. This involves a lot of work in order to finesse, but the principals are easy enough to understand. Something that we can all do, no matter what we’re trying to achieve, is practice gratitude.

Using the same principals that I’ve outlined above: something of a ‘catch-all’ that we can train our minds to produce more of, is gratitude. If we can shift our mindset so that the next time some negative, external and unforeseen event occurs, we are still able to be grateful for it; your entire experience will shift.

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Not only will you observe more to be grateful for all around you on a daily basis, but you will shift out of a mindset of ‘lack’. All of the barriers that stood in your way before (not enough capital, stuck in a job I hate etc…) they will shift to becoming things that support your desires and goals.

For example:

The job you hate, when reframed as the means to support a transitional stage of your life (i.e. enabling you to borrow money to invest) suddenly gives you a resource to be grateful for.

The added beauty of this is that your RAS doesn’t know the difference between a big win and a small win. You being truly, deeply grateful for your socks (for example) carries the same weight as being grateful for your health, or your spouse. This is why I say “practice” gratitude. You can start whenever you want!

Look around you right now and find something that you really are grateful for, no matter how small and seemingly inconsequential.

Practicing this will create a snowball effect. Much quicker than you might think: you’ll be overwhelmed with gratitude for your life and all that’s in it.

In Summary

Financial freedom is more within your reach than you probably think or feel. Understand that the limits you’re assuming to be there are largely a product of your subconscious mind, having been drip-fed evidence of that over the course of your lifetime. Changing that might take a lot of effort in the short-term, like cranking over an old car, but the effects will begin to build up quickly and self-perpetuate.

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Apply this mindset to your financial situation and you will find that it too will begin to ‘snowball’. Financial freedom is closer than you think, so start looking for it today!

Featured photo credit: Pepi Stojanovski via unsplash.com

Reference

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