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What I love and have learnt before hitting 30

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What I love and have learnt before hitting 30

They say you don’t start finding yourself until 30. Well I’m not quite there yet but I’m half a year away. If someone had told me this 5 years ago I would’ve told you that I learnt to love myself and knew who I was.

Maybe they were right though, age is simply just a number and we all know people that seem much older than they are and older people that we would think would know better. In saying this, I do feel like things somehow make more sense than they did ten, five or even a year ago. Throughout my personal journey, here is what I have loved and learnt before hitting the ripe age of 30.

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The realisation that every heartbreak endured made me who I am now

As much as some of the events in the past were things I would rather not live through again, looking back, I now see how those events have strengthened me and made me a better person. To be honest, it sucks that we have to go through pain and loss to grow, but at the end of the day, evaluating who we are right now to the person we were before any of those circumstances happened, I have to say I wouldn’t change a thing.

Watching the people around you follow their dreams

It makes my heart sing to see the people I care about do things that feed their soul. When someone can jump out of their comfort zone, break from the norm and go after their dreams, it literally brings me to a loss of words. Being around the age of 30, most people are settling down with kids and families if they hadn’t already or chasing after goals they had always dreamed of.

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At this age, most of us have been through some painful break ups so It takes a lot of courage to open up to someone again and be vulnerable. It also takes a lot of determination to chase after a goal when it comes to your passions. It makes me so happy to see my loved ones find someone that truly makes them happy and also to see them take that risk and chase their dreams.

You realise that the best time spent is enjoying the simple things in life

Gone are the party days. Hangovers hit you harder than they used to and your whole weekend is wasted feeling sick or unproductive. Give me a campfire, a good restaurant, an amazing home cooked meal, a few beverages or some amazing company and I am set.

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It is so much better for your pocket, your health and your soul. Gone are the days of hitting the clubs until daylight, hating on yourself for the money you had spent and the headache the next day. If I do find myself out, I almost always regret it the next day and who wants to feel that?

You understand that people come and go from your life and you start to see who really is genuine

I have had so many friends that were always around and the moment a boy stepped into their life or a new career progressed, I am the one getting ghosted. I have also had friends in my life that have been there for me single, taken, broke, successful and through thick and thin.

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I don’t give my heart easily but I can easily determine who is there to fill a void or if you are someone that truly wants to form a bond and genuinely care how I am. They are the people I want to keep in my life. There may not be many but quality is always better than quantity.

You realise that life can be taken away from you any moment

In my eyes, 30 is still quite young, there is still so much more to live. Yet I haven’t even hit 30 and I have lost so many friends and family unexpectedly. Some of them I feel were taken too early. It just makes me realise that life can be gone at any moment. So yes I will say what I think, do what I want and make the most of the time I have.

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I have learnt that the little things are what matters. I spend most of my downtime chasing waterfalls, going on picnics, lying on the beach, hiking, exploring, learning more about others and just spending time with genuine people. I always try to let the people in my life know just how much they mean to me. Maybe because I haven’t done in the past and never got the chance to tell them and now I feel I have to let everyone know just how much I appreciate them. I don’t know but it can’t be a bad thing right?

Life is a journey. It is never about the destination. We sometimes forget that and forget to appreciate what we have now and who we have now. Age is just a number. Life is a constant learning curve. I must say as messed up as it can be, it is also the most beautiful blessing.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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