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5 Ways to Bring Attraction to an Intimate Relationship

5 Ways to Bring Attraction to an Intimate Relationship

If you and someone you love are in an intimate relationship, by way of marriage or other long-term commitment to one another, it takes a certain amount of energy and dedication on each person’s part to keep the love alive and flourishing. Many of us wish it really weren’t that way; however, with all of life’s stressors and obstacles, the fact is that it does take a fair amount of work to make a close relationship work.

Keeping the feelings of butterflies and the love alive can be done with a little creativity and selflessness for your partner. Here are five ways to bring attraction to an intimate relationship.

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Be Nice

Yes, it’s that simple. Well, not really! Although it can be difficult to always remain respectful to your partner’s needs by being nice, it is undeniably necessary to make any relationship work. Even if your loved one has rubbed you the wrong way, spoke to you in a tone that is not as pleasant as you would like, or has done something that wasn’t “right” in your eyes, try to be nice and respectful. Of course, this is a two-way street, and if you are not receiving niceness in return, then both of you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion. There is nothing more attractive in a relationship then two committed people treating each other kindly as much as possible.

Have Confidence

Attraction comes with confidence. Being confident in your mindset and about your body, will always go a long way with your companion. Being confident is not about being centered upon yourself, but about exhibiting an inner beauty and positivity that will make your loved one’s heart beat a little faster. Self-confidence draws people closer, and will act as a magnet with your companion!

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Be Healthy

A healthy lifestyle has a plethora of rewards. Not only does it have a myriad of benefits for your physical and emotional well-being, as it garners attractiveness both inside and out, it can bring you and your partner closer. Working out along with cooking healthy meals together will give you both the quality time that every relationship needs in this hectic world.

Get Creative

In the bedroom, that is! Find ways to spice up your love life and find what works for you both. Intimacy will keep you both connected in a powerful way, and doing so with various creative twists in the bedroom will keep that attraction intense and thrilling. What’s more, it isn’t just for the bedroom, either! Keeping attractiveness at peak levels can be accomplished by “surprising” one another, whenever and wherever works for the both of you.

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Do Right

Doesn’t it make you feel even more attracted to your companion when he does something for you that is totally unforeseen? Something as little as making that pot of coffee in the morning, purchasing his favorite item at the grocery store, and filling up the gas tank unexpectedly will take attractiveness to a whole new level. Many people truly believe that actions speak louder than words, and guess what? They are spot on. Doing certain things, or actions, for one another shows that you really do love each other, and that, itself, is overwhelmingly striking.

As Tony Robbins says, “the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships“. To achieve maximum happiness and fulfillment in your life, you need to start with your relationship. Attractiveness certainly doesn’t mean physical attractiveness and always being “easy on the eyes”. Attractiveness in a relationship is being the total package, and loving each other for who you both are, inside and out. Love for one another comes from an innate desirability within the soul and, with a little work, can last a lifetime.

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Featured photo credit: Couple-love-romance via pixabay.com

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Beth Hedrick

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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