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5 Practical Steps for Parents: From Whining and Crying to Thinking and Reasoning

5 Practical Steps for Parents: From Whining and Crying to Thinking and Reasoning

Many times in my life, I have seen children and teenagers whine, stick out their lip, and cry to get what they want. I always think that they are behaving this way because they have learned that this behavior works. They wouldn’t do it otherwise. An article titled, Why Kids Whine and How to Stop Them states, According to Bay Area pediatrician Laurel Schultz, kids whine for a very simple reason. It works. “Whining gets the parent’s attention,” Schultz says. “A high-pitched whine is effective because a parent can’t not attend to it.”

So, how do we help our kids, from an early age, find a different way to communicate?

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1. Model good behavior

In the same article mentioned above, the author explains how it’s important to answer children with “I-statements” and then explain how you would like them to ask for something. For example, let’s say your child is whining or crying and saying he wants a toy at the store. He even puts out his lip and says, “Pleeeeeeease…..” You would take a deep breath and say, “I don’t like it when you ask for things this way. Please ask me in a normal voice and we can discuss this.” Staying calm and focusing on your child at that moment provides a good role model for your child.

2. Prevention at the onset

Sometimes in our busy and hectic lives, we don’t have time to notice those little warnings that a child is giving us. If we can become more mindful and aware of situations that cause our children to act out, we can prevent it from even happening. For example, if you are shopping and you know that going by the toy store, candy shop, etc. is going to result in your child wanting something, avoid going by there if you can. If you are at Target or Walmart, don’t go right by the toy aisle or candy aisle.

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Prevention also refers to any circumstance where you can see a whine, fit, or crying spell starting to take hold. Stop what you are doing for a minute and tell your child that you can see he or she is starting to get upset. Deal with the situation right there before it escalates.

3. Shift to reasoning

When my kids were little, they would ask for something, and if I didn’t say yes immediately, I would see big eyes, a lip out, and a sweet expression begging for me to give them what they wanted. I intuitively knew that if I gave in, I would get more of this behavior. I wanted my kids to grow up to be good communicators. Instead of giving in, I would say, “That’s not going to work, give me some good reasoning.” This would make them stop and think. When they were real little, their ideas were pretty weak, as they got older, their reasoning skills sharpened. I used positive reinforcement every chance I could. Sometimes, I would let them have what they wanted simply because they used their reasoning skills instead of whining or begging.

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4. Reinforce their new method

Once you get your children to find better ways to communicate, it’s important you reinforce this positive behavior. I am not saying they should get what they want; I am saying you should acknowledge their efforts. For example, let’s say your child starts to whine because she wants to have a friend over for a sleepover and you said no. You can ask her to use a normal voice and ask again. You can praise her for asking without whining. You can ask her why it’s so important to her. You can listen while she gives you her reasons. You can thank her for communicating so well and ask if you both can find another time when she can have her friend over.

5. Resist giving in

It’s important to resist giving in even when we are tempted to. What’s cute and kind of charming as a child might not be so cute as they become adults. Being consistent in our actions is important to children. If we consistently don’t give in when they whine, cry, or beg, they will learn that these behaviors aren’t effective measures in getting what they want.

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In conclusion, we all want to raise our children to be the best individuals they can become. Encouraging good reasoning skills and rewarding positive behavior can have a lasting impact on our children and help them grow into good communicators as adults.

More by this author

Tomi Rues

Adjunct college teacher, notebook/journal designer, author

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Published on November 7, 2018

How to Homeschool in the 21st Century (For All Types of Parents & Kids)

How to Homeschool in the 21st Century (For All Types of Parents & Kids)

In 2016, it was estimated that 1.7 million children were being homeschooled in the U.S, roughly 3.3% of all school-aged children.[1] Although this may not sound like a big portion of the population, the growth rate of homeschooling has been 7 to15% per year for the last two decades.

The burgeoning numbers are not a coincidence. There are tremendous benefits to homeschooling, including one-on-one teaching, adaptability to individual needs and learning styles, a safe learning environment, encouraging learning for knowledge rather than grades, and tailoring a curriculum to the child’s interests.

Is homeschooling something that you have been considering for your family? With all of the tools and resources available for homeschoolers in the 21st century, it may be easier than you think.

How to Homeschool (Getting Started)

After thinking it through, you’ve decided that homeschooling is the right step for you and your family. Now what? Here are the first things you should do to get your homeschooling journey started on the right track.

Figure Out the Laws

Homeschooling is regulated by the state, not the federal government. The first step is to find the current and accurate legal requirements mandated by your state in order to educate your child legally.[2]

The regulations can vary widely, from strict guidelines to no guidelines at all. However, don’t be overwhelmed by the legal jargon. There are many resources and local communities for homeschooling families that can help you figure out the logistics.

Decide on an Approach

Every child’s needs are different. This is your chance to choose the homeschooling style or combination of styles that best fits your child’s learning style and interests. A brief description of seven different homeschooling methods are listed below.

Supplies/Resources

Often times, purchasing a homeschooling curriculum is done too early in the planning process, resulting in buyer’s remorse.

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A curriculum is not always needed for homeschooling, and other types of free or less structured resources are readily available.

Find a Community

Getting connected with a community of homeschoolers is one of the most important parts of building a successful and thriving homeschool environment for your kids.

Look for communities online for virtual support or a local group that you and your kids can interact with. Partnering with others fosters better socialization skills for the students and provides opportunities for field trips, classes, and outings that wouldn’t have otherwise been a part of the homeschooling experience.

7 Different Homeschooling Methods

1. School-At-Home

Also known as Traditional homeschool, School-At-Home uses essentially the same curriculum as the local private or public school but at home.

The lessons can be completed independently, but more commonly, they are administered by a parent or a teacher-facilitated online school.

  • Benefits: formal standards, wide selection of curricula, same pace as peers, short-term friendly
  • Drawbacks: expensive, inflexible, time consuming, parent can get easily burnt out
  • Resources: K12, Time4Learning, Abeka

2. Classical

One of the most popular homeschooling methods used, it borrows educational practices from Ancient Greece and Rome. Subject areas are studied chronologically so that students can understand the consequence of ideas over time.

Socratic dialogue fosters effective discussions and debate to achieve beyond mere comprehension. There is often a strong emphasis on Great Books[3] as well as Greek and Latin.

3. Unit Studies

Rather than breaking up education into subjects, unit studies approach each topic as a whole, studying it from the perspective of each subject area.

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For example, a unit study about animals could include reading books about animals, learning about the classification of animals, figuring out which animals live on which continents, etc. This method is often used as a technique in other more comprehensive educational methodologies.

  • Benefits: promotes thinking about concepts as a whole, not monotonous or redundant, student-directed, bolsters weaker subject areas, beneficial for teaching multi-age students
  • Drawbacks: incomplete, knowledge gaps, curriculum-dependent
  • Resources: Unit Study, Unit Studies, Unit Studies Made Easy, Konos

4. Charlotte Mason

This Christian homeschooling style utilizes shorts periods of study (15-20 minute max for elementary, 45 minute max for high school), along with nature walks and history portfolios.

Students are encouraged to practice observation, memorization, and narration often. With a focus on “living books” (stories with heroes, life lessons, socio-ethical implications), reading plays a big role in this student-paced teaching style.

5. Montessori

Maria Montessori developed this method through working with special needs children in the early 20th century.

With a primary focus on the student setting the pace and indirect instruction from the teacher, this approach includes free movement, large unstructured time blocks (up to 3 hours), multi-grade classes, and individualized learning plans based on interests.

6. Unschooling

Unschooling is a learning model largely based on the work of John Holt.[4] The teaching style focuses mainly on the students’ interests, putting priority on experiential, activity-based, and learn as you go approaches.

For basic skills such as reading, writing, and math, a systematic technique is employed, but testing and evaluations are typically not utilized. Teachers, in general, play more of a facilitator role.

7. Eclectic/Relaxed

As the most popular method of homeschool, eclectic homeschooling is child-directed, resourceful, and non-curriculum based.

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Parents can sample any combination of homeschooling methods and styles or resources. One growing sector of eclectic homeschooling combines part homeschooling with part traditional schooling.

How to Facilitate Homeschooling with Technology

One of the reasons homeschooling is more feasible than ever before is due to the accessibility of tools and resources to enhance the learning process.

Email

Email is a tool that has really stood the test of time. Invented in 1972, it is still used today as a primary means of communicating on the Internet.

It is a great way to share assignments, links, and videos between parent and student.

Google Drive/Calendar

Google Drive offers a multitude of essential programs that can come in handy for homeschoolers, such as Docs, Sheets, Slides, and more.

With its sharing capabilities, easy accessibility, and auto-save ability, it’s easier than ever to organize and complete assignments. It will improve students’ writing and typing skills, as well as eliminate the need for paper.

Google Calendar is an excellent tool for tracking assignment due dates, planning field trips and activities, and developing time management skills.

Ebooks

Rather than invest in physical copies of books, ebooks are a wonderful option for saving money and space. There are plenty of places that offer a free or paid subscription to a wide selection of ebooks:

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E-Courses

When a structured curriculum is necessary for teaching a certain topic, an e-course is the way to go.

From watercolors to calculus, there are e-courses available about almost everything. Including different teaching styles that vary from the parents will encourage students to learn in different ways.

The visual and auditory stimulation will also be beneficial in helping students understand and retain the concepts being taught.

Some recommendations:

Youtube

Youtube is not just a platform for music videos and cats doing funny things. There are a number of Youtube channels that produce quality educational videos, free of charge.

Creating a playlist of videos for various topics is a great way to supplement a homeschool education.

Some recommendations:

Final Thoughts

Homeschooling in the current age looks much different than it did ten years ago. There are more options and more flexibility when it comes to educating kids at home.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the idea of homeschooling your children if it could make a positive impact on your family.

Featured photo credit: Hal Gatewood via unsplash.com

Reference

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