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5 Surprising Ways to Stop Gasping for Fitness Motivation

5 Surprising Ways to Stop Gasping for Fitness Motivation

You’ve been there: sitting on the couch watching Netflix as the clock ticks past your scheduled workout. Fortunately, there are psychological techniques you can use to get fitness motivation over the long haul. As Aristotle said:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Here are 6 ways to get fitness motivation and turn exercise into a habit.

1. Use Fitness Motivation Surges Strategically

You know those times you feel hyper motivated to do 10,000 push-ups and 100,000 squats? Instead of going all-in on one insane workout (and feeling terrible the next day), use them to do more than just exercise. If you take a step back and make a game plan for when and how you’ll work out, you can help yourself stay motivated once the initial surge wears off.

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Think about it. Which will get you better results: 100,000 push-ups in one day, or 100 push-ups over 1000 days? Consistency is more important than any one workout. Using motivation strategically stops you from burning out.

2. No Hard Workouts, For Now

Ever wonder why people rave about exercise, even though it seems like it sucks? Early on, the key to working out is developing a positive relationship with exercise. You can’t do that if every workout makes you want to die. Nothing on earth feels quite like stepping out of the gym on a sunny spring day. Instead of breaking down in a puddle of sweat, start with workouts that get you moving just a little. Boost your heart rate for a few minutes, feel energized, and look forward to coming back for more.

You can scale up later. Remember, the goal of your first workout isn’t to get fit; it’s to come back for your second workout. Start easy now, see results forever.

3. Do Something So Easy You Can’t NOT Finish

Think to the future: one year from now, where will you be? If you keep burning out in a blaze of failed motivation, you’ll probably wind up back on the couch. But if you slowly, gradually build a workout habit—starting with one push-up and scaling up to a full-body routine—your entire life could change. After one week you might feel behind. After 10 weeks you won’t.

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My first workouts were only 10 minutes long. Since then I’ve had days (not many, but some) where I was happy to spend four hours in the gym. You don’t ever need to spend that long, but by starting small you might surprise yourself.

How can you start small? Start with one push-up. Set aside a clear chunk of time everyday to do just one push-up. Do that for weeks, then bump it up to five push-ups and add a squat. Gradually work your way up to a full workout.

4. Use Chaining

Habits are easier to start if you connect them to other habits.

How often do you have to remember to brush your teeth? Not often, because it’s a habit cued by other actions (waking up, going to the bathroom in the morning). In contrast, I’ve always struggled to work out on weekends, because going to the gym using willpower to force myself into action. With nothing to cue your workouts, it’s a lot harder to get moving.

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Just about anything can be a cue. I like to use leaving work as a guaranteed cue: going straight from the office to the gym means there’s no time to change my mind. You can use waking up, eating lunch, or any other regular event in your life to build your fitness habit.

5. Use the Right Workout Rewards

Rewards are a great way to keep your fitness motivation, but only if you use them right. A big, one-time reward like a new game or watch feels good, but it isn’t going to create regular positive feelings that you can associate with your workouts.

Small rewards can be anything! I like to get social rewards by hanging out in a coffee shop near my gym. In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg recommends having a small piece of chocolate at the end of each workout to stimulate endorphins. In college, I used to hang out with my friends in the athletic building after my workouts.

Your rewards will work if they are small, regular, and associated with going to the gym. You can’t use something like “taking a nap” because that happens too long after your workout to be effective. Any fun or enjoyable reward you can get within 20 minutes of your workout is perfect.

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With the right rewards, you’ll learn to enjoy exercise, get fit, and never need fitness motivation again.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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