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Illusions vs Reality: Why Millennials Struggle to Find Happiness

Illusions vs Reality: Why Millennials Struggle to Find Happiness

Picture perfect.

No flaws. Filters got you looking flawless!

How many times have you tweaked a picture in order to create an illusion that you were flawless? But in real life, pimples were everywhere, grey hairs are poppin’, and we see that mustache comin’ through. Though everyone has their imperfections (the one thing that makes everybody unique in their own way), we still strive to put on this seamless front. It isn’t limited to only our physical but also how we live our life. We make it seem as if our relationship is going great, we love all of our besties and are working at our dream job.

Who knew that we could place a filter on life?

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Especially when being young, educated, and gifted; the pressure from society to have it all together can become crippling. But under this perfect picture; reality can be painful. Your boo ain’t ish, that crew is filled with backstabbers, and career…..yeah you hate to clock in. What if we took the filters off and made the picture, umm naturally beautiful? This is more reason why your life should become a complete mess.

im not perfect

    Who?

    Did you find yourself reading the intro and think to yourself……she is not talking about me! If you did…yes, you are exactly who I’m talking to!  This picture perfect image can slip in on you without even getting noticed. I know that it did for me. There I was, 23 years old, with two degrees, and a job in my field.

    And….

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    I HATED IT!

    Like really hated my job.  But the perks were kinda cool, and it always raised an eyebrow when I mentioned to people where I worked. Though no one ever gave me a list of expectation that they had for me; I could sense that they were there. People expected me to be successful and because of that reason, I stayed to fit the description.

    Think about your intentions; are you pursuing that career or staying in that relationship because you want to or you’re expected to?

    Why?

    All of the answers that you came up with in your head should be more reason to let it go. Would you stay in a house that didn’t have a frame? Living in it would be hell. The same goes for our lives; if the foundation becomes weak, we create our own turmoilWant to know the #1 reason that many twentysomethings find themselves between a rock and a hard place? We start something, then an expectation is placed on us (based on opinion, no merit), and we feel stuck even though we changed our mind and no longer want to pursue it.

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    ugh

      How?

      You may be wondering how can I talk the filters off?

      Vulnerability.

      (Yes, I did just go all Brene Brown on you). No, you don’t have to get on Facebook live and share your soul; but get real with yourself. Why are you afraid of showing the real you? And how can I begin to peel back those layers?

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      The #1 rule is to make it about YOU! 

      Take every outside factor and throw it out the window.

      Ask yourself; what is it that I want to do? Is it switching careers? Starting a business? Going back to school? Leaving a relationship? How can I take one step today to make it my reality? Brick by brick, and the real you develops into a natural beauty. Though we may be young with promising futures; it’s ok to not have it together.

      But in order to really reach our highest potential, it starts with us admitting that the truth about ourselves. It is then and only then when we are able to gather the pieces and begin to build a greater life for ourselves.

      your better than that

        Featured photo credit: worldnow.com via kusi.images.worldnow.com

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        Jasamine Hill

        The Millennials' Life Coach

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        Last Updated on August 20, 2019

        Becoming Self-Taught (The How-To Guide)

        Becoming Self-Taught (The How-To Guide)

        Most of the skills I use to make a living are skills I’ve learned on my own: Web design, desktop publishing, marketing, personal productivity skills, even teaching! And most of what I know about science, politics, computers, art, guitar-playing, world history, writing, and a dozen other topics, I’ve picked up outside of any formal education.

        This is not to toot my own horn at all; if you stop to think about it, much of what you know how to do you’ve picked up on your own. But we rarely think about the process of becoming self-taught. This is too bad, because often, we shy away from things we don’t know how to do without stopping to think about how we might learn it — in many cases, fairly easily.

        The way you approach the world around you dictates to a great degree whether you will find learning something new easy or hard. Learning comes easily to people who have developed:

        Curiosity

        Being curious means you look forward to learning new things and are troubled by gaps in your understanding of the world. New words and ideas are received as challenges and the work of understanding them is embraced.

        People who lack curiosity see learning new things as a chore — or worse, as beyond their capacities.

        Patience

        Depending on the complexity of a topic, learning something new can take a long time. And it’s bound to be frustrating as you grapple with new terminologies, new models, and apparently irrelevant information.

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        When you are learning something by yourself, there is nobody to control the flow of information, to make sure you move from basic knowledge to intermediate and finally advanced concepts.

        Patience with your topic, and more importantly with yourself is crucial — there’s no field of knowledge that someone in the world hasn’t managed to learn, starting from exactly where you are.

        A Feeling for Connectedness

        This is the hardest talent to cultivate, and is where most people flounder when approaching a new topic.

        A new body of knowledge is always easiest to learn if you can figure out the way it connects to what you already know. For years, I struggled with calculus in college until one day, my chemistry professor demonstrated how to do half-life calculations using integrals. From then on, calculus came much easier, because I had made a connection between a concept I understood well (the chemistry of half-lifes) and a field I had always struggled in (higher maths).

        The more you look for and pay attention to the connections between different fields, the more readily your mind will be able to latch onto new concepts.

        With a learning attitude in place, working your way into a new topic is simply a matter of research, practice, networking, and scheduling:

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        1. Research

        Of course, the most important step in learning something new is actually finding out stuff about it. I tend to go through three distinct phases when I’m teaching myself a new topic:

        Learning the Basics

        Start as all things start today: Google it! Somehow people managed to learn before Google ( I learned HTML when Altavista was the best we got!) but nowadays a well-formed search on Google will get you a wealth of information on any topic in seconds.

        Surfing Wikipedia articles is a great way to get a basic grounding in a new field, too — and usually the Wikipedia entry for your search term will be on the first page of your Google search.

        What I look for is basic information and then the work of experts — blogs by researchers in a field, forums about a topic, organizational websites, magazines. I subscribe to a bunch of RSS feeds to keep up with new material as it’s posted, I print out articles to read in-depth later, and I look for the names of top authors or top books in the field.

        Hitting the Books

        Once I have a good outline of a field of knowledge, I hit the library. I look up the key names and titles I came across online, and then scan the shelves around those titles for other books that look interesting.

        Then, I go to the children’s section of the library and look up the same call numbers — a good overview for teens is probably going to be clearer, more concise, and more geared towards learning than many adult books.

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        Long-Term Reference

        While I’m reading my stack of books from the library, I start keeping my eyes out for books I will want to give a permanent place on my shelves. I check online and brick-and-mortar bookstores, but also search thrift stores, used bookstores, library book sales, garage sales, wherever I happen to find myself in the presence of books.

        My goal is a collection of reference manuals and top books that I will come back to either to answer thorny questions or to refresh my knowledge as I put new skills into practice. And to do this cheaply and quickly.

        2. Practice

        Putting new knowledges into practice helps us develop better understandings now and remember more later. Although a lot of books offer exercises and self-tests, I prefer to jump right in and build something: a website, an essay, a desk, whatever.

        A great way to put any new body of knowledge into action is to start a blog on it — put it out there for the world to see and comment on.

        Just don’t lock your learning up in your head where nobody ever sees how much you know about something, and you never see how much you still don’t know.

        3. Network

        One of the most powerful sources of knowledge and understanding in my life have been the social networks I have become embedded in over the years — the websites I write on, the LISTSERV I belong to, the people I talk with and present alongside at conferences, my colleagues in the department where I studied and the department where I now teach, and so on.

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        These networks are crucial to extending my knowledge in areas I am already involved, and for referring me to contacts in areas where I have no prior experience. Joining an email list, emailing someone working in the field, asking colleagues for recommendations, all are useful ways of getting a foothold in a new field.

        Networking also allows you to test your newly-acquired knowledge against others’ understandings, giving you a chance to grow and further develop.

        4. Schedule

        For anything more complex than a simple overview, it pays to schedule time to commit to learning. Having the books on the shelf, the top websites bookmarked, and a string of contacts does no good if you don’t give yourself time to focus on reading, digesting, and implementing your knowledge.

        Give yourself a deadline, even if there is no externally imposed time limit, and work out a schedule to reach that deadline.

        Final Thoughts

        In a sense, even formal education is a form of self-guided learning — in the end, a teacher can only suggest and encourage a path to learning, at best cutting out some of the work of finding reliable sources to learn from.

        If you’re already working, or have a range of interests beside the purely academic, formal instruction may be too inconvenient or too expensive to undertake. That doesn’t mean you have to set aside the possibility of learning, though; history is full of self-taught successes.

        At its best, even a formal education is meant to prepare you for a life of self-guided learning; with the power of the Internet and the mass media at our disposal, there’s really no reason not to follow your muse wherever it may lead.

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        Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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