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What All Millennial Divorced Mothers Want You To Know Before Dating Them

What All Millennial Divorced Mothers Want You To Know Before Dating Them

The millennials who made Generation X raise their eyebrows not long ago are now becoming parents on their own. With 1 in 5 mothers being millennials, there are roughly 9 million millennial mothers raising kids. Unfortunately, many of them are also single mothers, as millennials seem to marry in a hurry and divorce in the same hurry.

This is why many young women in their 20s and early 30s, are now leaving the casual sex relationships and flirty texting, for changing diapers. However, just because they are raising a kid – or multiple – doesn’t mean these women have given up on finding love. Due to misconceptions, men believe a single mother is not “datable” anymore, which is completely wrong. Even mothers need love and crave sex– even if they don’t need another spouse. Here are some of the most important things a millennial divorced single mother wants you to know before dating her.

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1. I don’t want to get married

At least for some time, a woman who has been in a marriage and has had a child is not willing to re-marry quite soon. The sheer amount of money and time she gave to divorce attorneys is enough to make her cringe at the thought of going through another marriage. A single mother is not going to jump into another marriage, because her regained independence is everything for her, along with her child. Of course, this makes things a bit complicated when it comes to having a relationship: while the mother is not going to look for someone for “forever after”, she is not looking for a one night stand either. The balance between these two is delicate.

2. Planning and organizing my life is the norm

Lovers enjoy a spontaneous trip abroad or to the countryside, but when you have a kid, this is out of the question. A single mom has to plan everything, from the guitar classes her child takes and the time spent by the child with their father, to the 30-minute walk down the park she enjoys alone and even the sexy time. Yes, this is a little hard, especially for a single man who would love to be able to pick up his date and drive to nowhere. Finding some free time on both sides is not impossible, but it can become a challenge.

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3. I don’t want you to play “daddy”

There are two types of women: those who introduce their kids to their dates right away and those who don’t. Yet both of these single mothers don’t want their dates to play “daddy” for their kids. The child already has a dad, as bad as he might be, so there is no need for another one.

4. I am not “playing hard to get”

Men who think single mothers just “play hard to get” when they say they can’t make time for that romantic date. Single parenting is hard and it leaves little to no room for texting back. If you can’t understand this, you should probably quit dating a single mother, because her life is not going to change for you. She will always have to attend work, be social and deal with all her parenting duties, which include making cookies and attending school concerts.

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5. I don’t want to talk about my child, even if I do talk about him or her

A single mother’s life is 90% about her child, but the rest of 10% is about her. Even if she does talk a lot about her child’s latest achievements, a millennial mother is interested in her job, her friends and her hobbies. When she became a mother she hasn’t ceased to be a millennial woman, so all that funny, high tech and deeply insecure in her own place in the world. At the end of the day, she is still a millennial!

The millennial mother is still interested in how to make her hair grow longer, she is still relying on dating apps and she might screenshot her texts to talk about them with her friends.

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If you want to conquer her heart, recognize her individuality as a person, her femininity and her sex-appeal. When she starts talking about the kid, listen to her, but do ask more about her, because all single mothers need more “me” time, especially on a date.

Millennial mothers have learned their lives don’t revolve around their kids. They know they have a different identity and know how to prioritize their own identities. They know how to separate their time as professionals, mothers and women. Moreover, they know they have to right to be happy and enjoy a healthy intimate life, which makes dating them a completely different experience.

Featured photo credit: Stocksy via stocksy.com

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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