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Why You Should Say “Thank You” Instead Of “Sorry” When You Do Something Wrong

Why You Should Say “Thank You” Instead Of “Sorry” When You Do Something Wrong

Politeness is ingrained in all of us – more so in some cultures than others, but it is a universal pattern of behaviour used to make sure other people are aware that we mean no harm, we are thoughtful to others’ needs and show empathy for the people around us.

Saying “sorry” has become an automatic polite phrase these days. But how much do we really think about what we mean when we say it? We use it to show that we acknowledge we’ve done something wrong and no ill intention was meant by it. We use it because we’ve caused some kind of displeasure for another person, we may even say it without completely meaning it and only as a means to dispel a disagreement.

Don’t get me wrong, saying “sorry” has its place in our everyday lives like accidentally bumping into someone, expressing sympathy or empathy towards another person or allowing others to see you are expressing genuine regret for a mistake. But in certain situations, there is a much better way to apologise that will, not only fulfil your need to say sorry, but also allow the other person to feel much better.

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Saying “Sorry” Is Important But It Has Its Place

While saying “sorry” can be grouped in the same politeness category as “thank you”, by saying we’re sorry we are ultimately exposing our weaknesses. Unknowingly, we are lowering our self-worth and harming our self-confidence by apologising for actions and circumstances.

For example, if you’re half an hour late to meet a friend, by saying “sorry” you are revealing your faults (in this case lack of punctuality). In turn, we are apologising for ourselves and wasting the friend’s time but also portraying ourselves as an incapable person.

The Power Of Saying “Thank You”

“Thank you” is used to express gratitude and appreciation for others. It’s a very powerful phrase that takes away from ourselves and gives warmth to those around us. The amount of appreciation we express, and our ability to sincerely say “thank you” has a dramatic impact on how we relate to others.

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While apologising is seen as a correct response to something we’ve done wrong, it leads to the assumption that other people are appreciative of our politeness and good manners but since it can be overused so much, it can actually become an empty automatic response with no real meaning.

Saying “Thank You” vs. Saying “Sorry”

By saying “thank you”, you are identifying the other person and you are recognising their contribution. In the example of turning up half an hour late to meet a friend, expressing thanks instead of an apology cultivates a sense of positivity between the two of you because you are appreciating the time they spent waiting for you instead of apologising for your faults i.e. your bad time-keeping skills.

By doing this, you aren’t diminishing your image or what the person thinks of you but instead praising the person for what they did instead.

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“Thank you for your patience” is showing appreciation while “I’m so sorry, I’m always late” is not completely acknowledging the gratitude you have for the person who’s waited for you.

“Thank you for listening” is much better than “Sorry for going on and on” as you’re showing gratitude for their time and friendship rather than revealing your low self-worth by assuming they didn’t want to listen to you.

Say “Thank you for spending time with me” rather than “Sorry for taking up all your time” because, again, you’re making assumptions about the other person while revealing your belief that you’re not important or worthy enough to take up someone’s time.

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So if you really want to apologise to someone in an authentic way then make it about them. Allow the compliment of saying “thank you” to match the situation and even elaborate on why you appreciate someone for giving you their time by saying how much it means to you. Saying sorry comes very easily to us and while we may mean it whole-heartedly and it seems like the correct and polite response to use, by using this method, we are inadvertently taking our appreciation for them away.

By recognising the other person’s feelings and acknowledging them, you are praising the act they did because of you and allowing them to see you in a more positive light. At the end of the day, no one’s perfect and we can all do things to the detriment of others at times, so next time you find yourself in a situation of apology remember the power of “thank you” over saying “I’m sorry”.

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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