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The More You Text, The Less Stable Your Relationship Would Be, Research Finds

The More You Text, The Less Stable Your Relationship Would Be, Research Finds

Does it matter how often you text your partner?

You might think that if you text your partner frequently and they also message you on a regular basis, then it’s a positive sign that all is well in your relationship. After all, doesn’t text messaging prove that you are thinking about one another and want to stay connected throughout the day?

However, research suggests that the link between texting patterns and relationship satisfaction differs as a function of gender. In other words, men and women do not think alike when it comes to how often they send messages and how happy they are with their partners.

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How the research was done

Research published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy outlines a study in which the texting habits and relationship satisfaction of 276 emerging adults (those aged between 18 and 25) in committed relationships were asked to report on their communication habits and feelings about their relationships. Each participant was asked how often they sent text messages to their partner. Of the 276 participants included in the study, half were engaged or married. They were also asked other probing questions, such as how many times they had considered ending their relationship, and the extent to which they felt as though their partner cared for and paid attention to them.

Perceptions in common

In some respects, men and women use texting in similar ways. For instance, the study found that both sexes are more likely to express affection via text when they feel bonded to their partners. However, there was a clear sex difference when it came to other findings. For female participants, there was a positive correlation between the number of texts they sent on a daily basis and the degree to which they believed their relationship was stable.

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Negative correlation between the number of texts they sent and the stability of their partnership reported

However, this was not the case for the men in the study, who reported a negative correlation between the number of texts they sent and the stability of their partnership. Furthermore, there was a negative association between the number of texts the average male participant sent to his partner and his relationship satisfaction. The study also found that women were more likely than men to attempt sensitive or difficult conversations via text. However, participants who reported doing this as a means of resolving conflict were less happy with their partnership.

What is recommended to do then

The study results are correlational, which means that the researchers cannot say that, for example, sending many text messages causes women to feel more secure in the stability of their relationships. However, the findings can still present interesting and useful starting points for discussions around the use of technology in relationships. Lori Schade, lead researcher on the project, told NPR that men may use texting as a means of retaining emotional distance from their partners, which may explain why those who send the most messages tend to be the least satisfied.

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“Maybe it was a way for them [men] to check out or not have to show up, by using their cellphone instead,” she speculated.

Schade recommends that whilst there is no need to stop texting your partner altogether, tricky conversations should be saved for face-to-face meetings rather than a prolonged exchange of messages. She also believes that real-life conversations tend to result in fewer hurt feelings, because when texting people “have time to think about it, and stew about it, and then respond again. It’s almost harder to disconnect”.

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So when you message your partner, try to keep your communications light-hearted. Stick to talking about upcoming events or the positive elements of your relationship. Use your phone to make them feel loved and appreciated.

Featured photo credit: Studenten via studenten.net

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on October 22, 2019

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

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Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

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Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

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Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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