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The More You Text, The Less Stable Your Relationship Would Be, Research Finds

The More You Text, The Less Stable Your Relationship Would Be, Research Finds

Does it matter how often you text your partner?

You might think that if you text your partner frequently and they also message you on a regular basis, then it’s a positive sign that all is well in your relationship. After all, doesn’t text messaging prove that you are thinking about one another and want to stay connected throughout the day?

However, research suggests that the link between texting patterns and relationship satisfaction differs as a function of gender. In other words, men and women do not think alike when it comes to how often they send messages and how happy they are with their partners.

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How the research was done

Research published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy outlines a study in which the texting habits and relationship satisfaction of 276 emerging adults (those aged between 18 and 25) in committed relationships were asked to report on their communication habits and feelings about their relationships. Each participant was asked how often they sent text messages to their partner. Of the 276 participants included in the study, half were engaged or married. They were also asked other probing questions, such as how many times they had considered ending their relationship, and the extent to which they felt as though their partner cared for and paid attention to them.

Perceptions in common

In some respects, men and women use texting in similar ways. For instance, the study found that both sexes are more likely to express affection via text when they feel bonded to their partners. However, there was a clear sex difference when it came to other findings. For female participants, there was a positive correlation between the number of texts they sent on a daily basis and the degree to which they believed their relationship was stable.

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Negative correlation between the number of texts they sent and the stability of their partnership reported

However, this was not the case for the men in the study, who reported a negative correlation between the number of texts they sent and the stability of their partnership. Furthermore, there was a negative association between the number of texts the average male participant sent to his partner and his relationship satisfaction. The study also found that women were more likely than men to attempt sensitive or difficult conversations via text. However, participants who reported doing this as a means of resolving conflict were less happy with their partnership.

What is recommended to do then

The study results are correlational, which means that the researchers cannot say that, for example, sending many text messages causes women to feel more secure in the stability of their relationships. However, the findings can still present interesting and useful starting points for discussions around the use of technology in relationships. Lori Schade, lead researcher on the project, told NPR that men may use texting as a means of retaining emotional distance from their partners, which may explain why those who send the most messages tend to be the least satisfied.

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“Maybe it was a way for them [men] to check out or not have to show up, by using their cellphone instead,” she speculated.

Schade recommends that whilst there is no need to stop texting your partner altogether, tricky conversations should be saved for face-to-face meetings rather than a prolonged exchange of messages. She also believes that real-life conversations tend to result in fewer hurt feelings, because when texting people “have time to think about it, and stew about it, and then respond again. It’s almost harder to disconnect”.

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So when you message your partner, try to keep your communications light-hearted. Stick to talking about upcoming events or the positive elements of your relationship. Use your phone to make them feel loved and appreciated.

Featured photo credit: Studenten via studenten.net

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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