Advertising

What All New Parents Need to Know (that People Don’t Tell)

Advertising
What All New Parents Need to Know (that People Don’t Tell)

People are lying when they tell you being new parents is completely fantastic. It’s not all the time and there are some things you really need to know.

Bank Your Sleep

Bank your sleep. Every second of it. Savour it. Remember what it feels like right now to be able to sleep in peace. People mention you need to wake up for feeds and knowing you need to do this, prepares you for the early stages of it, but it’s far worse than you can ever imagine. It starts off easy, but the cumulative effects of long-term sleep deprivation begins to really take it’s toll on you, your partner, and your relationship not to mention your job if you’re working.

You will reach a point where you no longer remember what it feels like to have a good night’s sleep instead suffering from the insomnia of knowing you will probably have to wake up shortly for another feed.

Advice: Take it in turns to do the night feeds. This shouldn’t be one person’s responsibility regardless if you are working or staying at home. Broken sleep is seriously damaging for health and makes it harder for the person doing it all the time to be productive the following day.

Advertising

Less Visitors is Good

The amount of times I’ve been to the hospital you would think my child should be on the “at risk” register for children. Children get ill really easily in the early stages and when they are born you have an influx of family and friends all wanting to hold them, kiss them and take pictures with them like it’s a social media contest to show them off. No.

My daughter ended up catching viral meningitis because of this and we were lucky it wasn’t the bacterial form which is deadly. How this happened we have no idea considering how we’re both clean freaks but we can only assume it was because of the many visitors. The learning point here is that visitors carry with them all manner of illnesses which although not serious for them, it can be deadly for children. When a baby does get ill, they don’t eat, they don’t sleep and all they do is cry constantly until the point of exhaustion for both them and you.

Advice: Refer to the assertiveness steps I outlined here to help you to speak openly to people about this issue and they will understand. Asking them if they have been ill recently or anyone they have been in contact with will make this discussion about visiting easier.

If friends tell you their kids never had any problems, they’re lying.

You’re going to start comparing your child’s development with other people, It’s going to happen. No matter how hard we tried not to do it we couldn’t help compare them against their peers developmentally. You may find your child’s development lags behind or other parents telling you how fantastically brilliant their kids are. Definitely take this with a pinch of salt.

Advertising

Every child develops differently and parents have a habit of wanting to boast about their own kids like some trophy. Parents are biased and will paint their own kids in such a positive light you may feel like bad parents.

Advice: Don’t get hung up on how fast or slow they are developing and most importantly, don’t compare against other children. This is unhelpful and everyone develops differently. The fact that you are worrying about this means you are probably good parents because you evidently care.

Sleep training is tough. Nail it early.

Trying to sleep train a child isn’t easy especially if you leave it too late. Children become conditioned to be fed regularly when young and this can make sleep training harder especially when breastfed as they are use to the warmth and comfort of having someone next to them to snuggle with.

Sleep training and feeding are all intricately linked. Try to alternate between breast milk and bottle milk so they become use to both and give the bottle just before bed and during night feeds. They will come to associate the bottle with falling asleep eventually and this will make putting them down easier.

Advertising

Advice: Learn the principles of how classical and operant conditioning work as children’s behaviours revolve around this up until they start to develop some self-awareness. You can learn more about how conditioning works on this psychology revision website here. This is really useful especially for sleep training.

Don’t make dinner time a battle.

Mealtimes can become a battle if you’re not careful. Trying to force a child to eat when they don’t want to eat creates it into a big issue and then the child starts to resist the food altogether. Force feeding children when they don’t want something can even develop phobias towards certain foods. As long as they are generally well, they should let you know when they are hungry and developing a strong routine (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) should make this easier. Don’t panic if they skip a meal as they normally make up for it later.

Advice: As long as they are not ill, you shouldn’t worry if they skip a meal every now and then. If they refuse to eat, just hold out until the next meal and you can try compensate a little for it then. Sometimes their mealtimes can be off by an hour or so, which means you just shift things later a little to adapt.

You know your child. Trust your gut.

You will get to know your child quite well and what their normal behavior is. Sometimes they are going to get ill and it may just be a harmless cold or teething. The worst thing you can do is go against your gut if you think there is something more that could be wrong. Sometimes even the doctors get it wrong so if you think there’s something else that is wrong, push to find out and keep going back to the doctor.

Advertising

Advice: Learn to spot the signs of serious illnesses like bacterial meningitis, whooping cough, or even less serious but discomforting ones like ear infections. Doctors make mistakes quite often too, they are human afterall.

Featured photo credit: Visit St. Pete/Clearwater via flickr.com

More by this author

Saj Devshi

Psychology Teacher

sleep patterns 4 Effective Ways to Fall Asleep Quickly new parents What All New Parents Need to Know (that People Don’t Tell) memory techniques 5 Memory Hacks To Remember Everything how to be more assertive 4 Proven Steps to Being More Assertive

Trending in Fatherhood

1 5 Ways to Ease Back to Work Without Nanny Anxiety 2 Paternity: 7 ways of Establishing Who Fathered Your Child 3 When Should Your Teenager Start Dating? 4 His Dad Never Spoke His Mind. He Broke Down Once He Knew Why. 5 Dad Shows His Love To Daughter In A Heartbreaking Manner

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on October 7, 2021

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

Advertising
Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

In today’s chaotic world, having family time isn’t always easy. It can get pretty hard to coordinate schedules, especially if the family is large. Life demands that we work, attend school, nurture friendships, hobbies, etc. All of those things are extremely time-consuming and important—but so is spending time with your family.

Why is family time so important? Because we all need love and support, and a good, strong family can provide that regularly. For children, spending time with their family helps shape them into good, responsible adults, improve their mental health, and develop strong core values.

There are many positive effects of spending time with your family. My family and I, for instance (and this includes grandchildren as well), meet every Tuesday night for dinner and games. My older son and I take turns cooking. This gives all of us a chance to try some new recipes. After dinner, we play games. And without fail, they inspire competitiveness and laughter. As family night has evolved, the grandkids have invited their friends over as well, creating the need for more chairs but also expanding our circle of fun.

Aside from the obvious fun and games, there are other reasons why spending time with your family is paramount. In this article, I will provide you with multiple reasons why spending time with your family regularly is a win-win. And then, I will lay out some ways on how to do it.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important

Here are six reasons why it’s important to spend time with your family.

1. Provides the Opportunity to Bond

When you spend time together as a family—talking about your day, your highs, your lows—it fosters communication. As parents, it gives you the chance to listen to your children, to hear them out, to learn about what’s going on in their world. It also provides you with the opportunity to use life situations as teaching moments.

Before our Tuesday night dinner/game nights, my family used to see each other pretty regularly but not consistently, especially the grandkids. Our family night changed all that. Now, it’s guaranteed that the grandchildren, along with some of their friends, will be there. Not only do I get to find out what’s been happening in their lives, but they also get to know us better. It’s creating memories they can treasure forever, as well as modeling the Get-Together tradition for when they eventually have families of their own.

Advertising

“Spending time partaking in everyday family leisure activities has been associated with greater emotional bonding within families.”[1]

2. Teaches the Value of Family

Taking the time to be with your family lets your children know they are valued—that spending time together is a priority. I know that in today’s world, both parents are busy as both usually working. What better way to let your children know they are loved than by carving out time each week to spend with them?

According to Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D., “words like honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility, and courage are core to centuries of religious, philosophical, and family beliefs. Use them and others to express and reinforce your family values. Teach children the behaviors that flow from these principles. Use quotes to ignite meaningful dinner conversations and encourage kids to talk about these values.”[2]

3. Enhances Mental Well-Being

Spending that quality time together gives your children a safe platform in which to express themselves, ask questions about things that are bothering them, or talk about their day and things they’ve learned. I know that my 9-year old granddaughter can’t wait until it’s her turn to talk about her day. She usually goes on and on and has to be stopped to give everyone else a chance to talk about their goings-on.

“Research shows the quality of family relationships is more important than their size or composition. Whoever the family is made up of, they can build strong, positive relationships that promote wellbeing and support children and young people’s mental health.”[3]

For children, having the opportunity to seek advice from parents they trust—as well as being able to have a sounding board and help with problem-solving—is priceless. In addition, being able to voice their opinions and be heard—and to feel like what they have to say matters—is an esteem-builder. All of these can have a very impactful positive effect on their well-being.

4. Helps the Child Feel Loved

How do you think a child feels knowing their parents want to spend time with them—talking, sharing experiences, playing games, listening to them? It will make them feel as though they are important, and a child that feels important is happier and more apt to thrive. Setting aside chores or work to spend time with your children demonstrates that they’re essential—that they matter. What a gift to give your child!

“If a child has your undivided attention, it signals that they are loved and important to you. This can be further nurtured by experiencing joyful activities together, as it demonstrates that you want to spend time with your children over and above all of the daily demands.”[4]

5. Creates a Safe Environment

If you regularly spend time with your children, you are also creating an atmosphere of trust. The more trust they have, the more likely they are to share with you what’s going on in their world. As they get older, you’re going to want to know. Negative influences can show up at any time, but if you’ve always been there for your child, they are more apt to come to you and ask for your advice.

Spending time together generates familiarity and feelings of being supported. When a child feels safe and comfortable, they’re more likely to open up. This is one way to get to know your child and know what’s on their minds. Are they okay? Do they need your guidance? If so, how?

6. Reduces Stress

This is significant. We all suffer from stress at one point or another in our lives. Spending time with family helps alleviate that stress. It’s an opportunity to talk things out, get feedback, and maybe brainstorm for a solution to the problem that is causing the stress.

According to Brandy Drzymkowski, “During the holidays, your closest five people probably shifts to family and friends. You may even get to see loved ones who live far away. Good news! This can actually help lower your stress levels. Studies show ‘face-to-face interaction…counteracts the body’s defensive ‘fight-or-flight’ response.’ In other words, quality time spent with loved ones is nature’s stress reliever.”[5]

So, now that you know some of the benefits, what are some ideas for making family time happen?

How to Make Family Time Happen

Here are four things you can do to make family time happen and spend more time with them.

1. Family Dinners

This, as I said above, is a wonderful way to spend time together. While you’re having dinner, you have the chance to discuss things that are going on in your lives—the ups, the downs, and everywhere in between. It’s like having a buffer against life’s challenges.

Aside from that, eating dinner together has many additional benefits. Studies have shown that for kids who eat regularly with their families, there is less risk of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and depression.[6]

Advertising

“Our belief in the ‘magic’ of family dinners is grounded in research on the physical, mental and emotional benefits of regular family meals.” It further states, “We recommend combining food, fun and conversation at mealtimes because those three ingredients are the recipe for a warm, positive family dinner—the type of environment that makes these scientifically proven benefits possible.”[7]

According to Parenting NI, “children and adolescents who spend more time with their parents are less likely to get involved in risky behavior. According to studies done by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse via Arizona State University, teens who have infrequent family dinners are twice as likely to use tobacco, nearly twice as likely to use alcohol and one and a half times more likely to use marijuana.”[8]

As you can see, there are multiple benefits to spending time with each other routinely. You can’t go wrong with this family activity.

2.  Regular Movie Nights

This is another fun event, although, from personal experience, I have to caution that choosing a movie that everyone wants to see is not easy. So, give yourselves plenty of time so you don’t spend two hours searching for a movie, and then end up watching no movie at all because the night is practically over. Try and choose a movie before the day, if possible.

Afterward, open it up for discussion. Ask questions pertinent to the movie. What do you think of ABC? Should they have done that? Would you have done something differently? There are so many questions you can ask to spark a conversation and keep the night going.

3. Game Night

This is another occasion for great fun. If you have a competitive spirit, it makes it even more fun. There are numerous games out there—Balderdash, Pictionary, Apples to Apples, Charades, to name a few—that can create fun havoc. All I can say is, on game nights, don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s okay if you lose the game. The fun is in being together, laughing, debating, and having a good time.

In addition, “Playing board games is great for children for many reasons besides the obvious; it’s fun to play games! Age appropriate games can help children to think strategically, solve problems creatively, work on pattern recognition and build simple math skills. They also help children develop social skills such as following rules, taking turns, and graceful winning or losing. Additionally, a family game night provides an opportunity for children to bond with siblings, parents and family members as well as peers. It can promote tradition building and establish a fun routine.”[9]

So, go find your family a game and start having fun!

Advertising

4. Sharing a Hobby

If you and one of your kids like to do the same things, do it more often. For example, my oldest son and his teenage son go on long bike rides together on the weekends. Not only do they get to exercise, but they also get to talk and look at beautiful sceneries. They’ve also incorporated cooking into their routine. They plan the meal, shop, and prepare—activities that bring them closer together.

Sharing a hobby is a great way to bring family members together. It bonds people in amazing ways. According to Alison Ratner Mayer, LICSW, “One of the easiest and most important ways to build a child’s self-esteem is to spend time with them doing something not only that they enjoy but something that you also enjoy. There is a special magic that happens between a parent and a child when they share a mutually beloved activity. It sends the message to the child that their parents are having fun, true, honest, real fun, with them.”[10]

Final Thoughts

Spending time with the family is an investment. It is an investment in the happiness, well-being, and security of that system. It can also serve as a way to break out of the daily rut and the constant worldly demands, while at the same time, building a strong family unit.

Even though it isn’t always easy to find the time, finding the time is key to staying close and to providing and receiving love and support. There is no greater gift than the gift of time. That’s what we all seem to be missing nowadays. So, in giving that gift consistently, everyone feels loved and appreciated.

The family that takes the time to interact regularly is typically happy. They know they are part of a tribe, and that’s essential in today’s chaotic world. To know that there are people whom you can count on—people who will have your back in times of need—is invaluable.

Now, go and plan something plan with your family, if you haven’t already.

Featured photo credit: Jimmy Dean via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Pittsburgh Parent: Spending Time Together—Benefits of Family Time
[2] Roots of Action: Integrity: How Families Teach and Live Their Values
[3] Beyond Blue: Healthy Families
[4] Esperance Anglican Community School: The importance of family time
[5] Brandy Drzymkowski: Spending Time With Loved Ones Reduces Stress
[6] Harvard Graduate School of Education: Harvard EdCast: The Benefit of Family Mealtime
[7] The Family Dinner Project: BENEFITS OF FAMILY DINNERS
[8] Parenting NI: The Importance of Spending Time Together
[9] WNY Children: Family Game Night- The Benefits of Game Play
[10] Child Therapy Boston: The Benefits of Sharing a Hobby With Your Child

Read Next