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These Are The Best Things To Do When He’s Not Treating You Like A Priority

These Are The Best Things To Do When He’s Not Treating You Like A Priority

A question I get asked over and over again is, “Why am I not a priority in my man’s life?” If you don’t feel like he’s putting you first in your relationship, keep reading. Especially if he’s always on your mind, shouldn’t you always be on his? After all, you should always be on his mind if he really loves you, right?  Isn’t that’s how things are supposed to be?

If it feels like you’re always waiting for him to text you back, and sometimes this takes hours or not at all…If it feels like he puts everything ahead of you – family, friends, his job, even video games…If you don’t want to leave him, but you’re starting to worry that you’ll never be his top priority…If, when you try to get him to spend more time with you, all it seems to do is push him further away…

Then the answer isn’t to try to push him to make you more of a priority. 

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That will only drive him further away from you, and possibly send your relationship into a death spiral. Rather, the best thing to do is…

Why do you need to “feel” like a priority with him

The truth is, wanting to “feel” like a priority with him isn’t really about the relationship in the first place. It’s about wanting a sense of security. Movies, TV, family, friends, books, magazines – all these things put an idea into your head about how much time you’re “supposed” to be spending with your man.

And if you don’t spend that much time with him? It makes you feel unwanted, unloved, not a priority to him. It makes you feel like your relationship is lacking – like there’s something wrong and you’re drifting apart from him. (For more on this, this article has you covered.)

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This idea of what a relationship is “supposed” to look like that comes from popular media – it’s just an idea. It comes from outside you, not from inside. The truth is, it doesn’t mean much of anything at all.

Chasing the “outside idea” of what a relationship looks like

That kind of expectation in a relationship leads to more bickering, unhappiness, arguing, and finally, a breakup.

The truth is – you will never be your man’s only priority. That’s because no one in the world has just one priority. Your man has lots of priorities. At any given time, his priority might be concentrating on work, or spending time with his family, or seeing his friends, or even relaxing and unwinding. You do the same balancing act with your priorities – but here’s the key difference:

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Women are very good at multi-tasking and thinking about lots of things at once, while men want to focus on one thing at a time and give it their total attention. 

That means that while he’s at work, he’s (probably) not thinking about you. He’s giving his undivided attention to his work. So while when you’re at work you might be thinking about him all the time, that’s not how his mind works. And if you expect him to text you back, or talk to you on the phone, or do anything other than prioritizing his work while he’s at work, it’s going to lead to frustration for both of you.

It’s a good thing that he’s prioritizing work while he’s at work – that’s why he has his job!  And his other priorities are just as important – they all come together to help him balance his life.

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Getting his undivided attention

The best way to get him to give you his undivided attention (and spend more quality time with you) is to support and respect his other priorities. Giving him the space to do the things he loves to do is the best thing that a person can do for their partner – and he’ll recognize it.

Everyone has their own way of relaxing during their down time, and everyone needs it.

Here’s the most important part: the more a man feels respected and supported by his partner, the more he will want to be with her. The more he will feel she is “different” and someone he shouldn’t let go. The more he will instinctively want to care for her and give her the most that he can give her.

The way to start an upward spiral of respect, happiness, and joy in your relationship isn’t to try to demand more attention and prioritization from your partner. It’s to respect and support his priorities, and give him the space to do the things he loves to do – so that he feels supported, respected, and loved by you – and supports, respects, and loves you in return.

Featured photo credit: images.dailystar.co.uk via images.dailystar.co.uk

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Nick Bastion

Love Expert, Relationship Coach, Author

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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