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These Are The Best Things To Do When He’s Not Treating You Like A Priority

These Are The Best Things To Do When He’s Not Treating You Like A Priority

A question I get asked over and over again is, “Why am I not a priority in my man’s life?” If you don’t feel like he’s putting you first in your relationship, keep reading. Especially if he’s always on your mind, shouldn’t you always be on his? After all, you should always be on his mind if he really loves you, right?  Isn’t that’s how things are supposed to be?

If it feels like you’re always waiting for him to text you back, and sometimes this takes hours or not at all…If it feels like he puts everything ahead of you – family, friends, his job, even video games…If you don’t want to leave him, but you’re starting to worry that you’ll never be his top priority…If, when you try to get him to spend more time with you, all it seems to do is push him further away…

Then the answer isn’t to try to push him to make you more of a priority. 

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That will only drive him further away from you, and possibly send your relationship into a death spiral. Rather, the best thing to do is…

Why do you need to “feel” like a priority with him

The truth is, wanting to “feel” like a priority with him isn’t really about the relationship in the first place. It’s about wanting a sense of security. Movies, TV, family, friends, books, magazines – all these things put an idea into your head about how much time you’re “supposed” to be spending with your man.

And if you don’t spend that much time with him? It makes you feel unwanted, unloved, not a priority to him. It makes you feel like your relationship is lacking – like there’s something wrong and you’re drifting apart from him. (For more on this, this article has you covered.)

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This idea of what a relationship is “supposed” to look like that comes from popular media – it’s just an idea. It comes from outside you, not from inside. The truth is, it doesn’t mean much of anything at all.

Chasing the “outside idea” of what a relationship looks like

That kind of expectation in a relationship leads to more bickering, unhappiness, arguing, and finally, a breakup.

The truth is – you will never be your man’s only priority. That’s because no one in the world has just one priority. Your man has lots of priorities. At any given time, his priority might be concentrating on work, or spending time with his family, or seeing his friends, or even relaxing and unwinding. You do the same balancing act with your priorities – but here’s the key difference:

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Women are very good at multi-tasking and thinking about lots of things at once, while men want to focus on one thing at a time and give it their total attention. 

That means that while he’s at work, he’s (probably) not thinking about you. He’s giving his undivided attention to his work. So while when you’re at work you might be thinking about him all the time, that’s not how his mind works. And if you expect him to text you back, or talk to you on the phone, or do anything other than prioritizing his work while he’s at work, it’s going to lead to frustration for both of you.

It’s a good thing that he’s prioritizing work while he’s at work – that’s why he has his job!  And his other priorities are just as important – they all come together to help him balance his life.

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Getting his undivided attention

The best way to get him to give you his undivided attention (and spend more quality time with you) is to support and respect his other priorities. Giving him the space to do the things he loves to do is the best thing that a person can do for their partner – and he’ll recognize it.

Everyone has their own way of relaxing during their down time, and everyone needs it.

Here’s the most important part: the more a man feels respected and supported by his partner, the more he will want to be with her. The more he will feel she is “different” and someone he shouldn’t let go. The more he will instinctively want to care for her and give her the most that he can give her.

The way to start an upward spiral of respect, happiness, and joy in your relationship isn’t to try to demand more attention and prioritization from your partner. It’s to respect and support his priorities, and give him the space to do the things he loves to do – so that he feels supported, respected, and loved by you – and supports, respects, and loves you in return.

Featured photo credit: images.dailystar.co.uk via images.dailystar.co.uk

More by this author

Nick Bastion

Love Expert, Relationship Coach, Author

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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