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5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

Successful dating isn’t just a matter of luck.

If you are single and dating, you might find yourself feeling despondent about your love life, especially if you’ve been looking for a while. Sometimes all it takes is a lucky break, and you find yourself matched with someone who is a great fit for you. However, the way you see yourself, romance and life, in general, is also a big factor in how likely you are to find an awesome partner.

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The power of changing your self-limiting beliefs.

When you stop seeing every date as your last chance at finding happiness and reframe it as an opportunity to meet a new person, your whole attitude will begin to shift. With just a few alterations to your mindset, you will find that dating will become more fun, and you will quickly weed out people who aren’t right for you. Read on to find out how to think more positively about dating and attract more suitable partners into your life.

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1. Instead of ‘I hate being single’, think: ‘I’m so lucky I get to meet all these interesting new people!’

If you approach dating from a place of deprivation, focusing on how much you hate being single, you are in no position to make healthy choices when it comes to potential new partners because your primary concern will be getting into a relationship rather than picking a compatible mate. Concentrate instead on one of the greatest joys of being single, i.e. the freedom to go out with all kinds of interesting new people.

2. Instead of ‘No-one will want me’, think: ‘Other people are lucky to be able to date me!’

When your self-esteem is low, you are vulnerable to partners who treat you badly or who are simply not right for you because you don’t value yourself enough to hold out for someone worthy of you. Until you can honestly say to yourself that your date is just as lucky to date you as you are to spend an evening with them, spend some time single and work on improving your sense of self-worth.

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3. Instead of ‘I have nothing to talk about’, think: ‘I am just as interesting as anyone else!’

Do you tend to believe that other people are intrinsically more interesting than you? If so, you won’t be able to enjoy an uninhibited evening with a date, because you’ll be too worried about how you measure up next to them. Have a little faith in yourself and the way you live your life. As long as you have a vocation (and being a full-time parent counts here), a couple of interests and stay up to date with current affairs, you are just as capable of carrying on a conversation with anyone else.

4. Instead of ‘I am bad at relationships’, think: ‘I am learning more about relationships!’

No-one is born ‘good’ at relationships. We all learn through experience. When you decide to start learning from your mistakes rather than lamenting them, you will become more confident in your ability to choose a suitable partner and maintain a healthy relationship. Each date is a chance to practice your social skills, and every relationship (whether good or bad) can teach you some valuable lessons.

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5. Instead of ‘I need a partner!’, think: ‘I would like to meet someone special, and in the meantime, I’m enjoying my life.’

Finally, few things are so unattractive to potential partners as desperation. If you catch yourself feeling as though you are somehow incomplete without a partner, it’s time to do some serious introspection and work out how you came to hold this belief. Work on filling your life with activities and interests that give you joy. This will make you more attractive because healthy, well-rounded individuals (the kind you want to date!) are attracted to others who have their own lives.

Making these adjustments is not an overnight project. It may take weeks or even months to change your beliefs around dating. However, the payoff is well worth the effort. Give yourself the best possible chance of finding love with a compatible partner.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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