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5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

Successful dating isn’t just a matter of luck.

If you are single and dating, you might find yourself feeling despondent about your love life, especially if you’ve been looking for a while. Sometimes all it takes is a lucky break, and you find yourself matched with someone who is a great fit for you. However, the way you see yourself, romance and life, in general, is also a big factor in how likely you are to find an awesome partner.

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The power of changing your self-limiting beliefs.

When you stop seeing every date as your last chance at finding happiness and reframe it as an opportunity to meet a new person, your whole attitude will begin to shift. With just a few alterations to your mindset, you will find that dating will become more fun, and you will quickly weed out people who aren’t right for you. Read on to find out how to think more positively about dating and attract more suitable partners into your life.

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1. Instead of ‘I hate being single’, think: ‘I’m so lucky I get to meet all these interesting new people!’

If you approach dating from a place of deprivation, focusing on how much you hate being single, you are in no position to make healthy choices when it comes to potential new partners because your primary concern will be getting into a relationship rather than picking a compatible mate. Concentrate instead on one of the greatest joys of being single, i.e. the freedom to go out with all kinds of interesting new people.

2. Instead of ‘No-one will want me’, think: ‘Other people are lucky to be able to date me!’

When your self-esteem is low, you are vulnerable to partners who treat you badly or who are simply not right for you because you don’t value yourself enough to hold out for someone worthy of you. Until you can honestly say to yourself that your date is just as lucky to date you as you are to spend an evening with them, spend some time single and work on improving your sense of self-worth.

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3. Instead of ‘I have nothing to talk about’, think: ‘I am just as interesting as anyone else!’

Do you tend to believe that other people are intrinsically more interesting than you? If so, you won’t be able to enjoy an uninhibited evening with a date, because you’ll be too worried about how you measure up next to them. Have a little faith in yourself and the way you live your life. As long as you have a vocation (and being a full-time parent counts here), a couple of interests and stay up to date with current affairs, you are just as capable of carrying on a conversation with anyone else.

4. Instead of ‘I am bad at relationships’, think: ‘I am learning more about relationships!’

No-one is born ‘good’ at relationships. We all learn through experience. When you decide to start learning from your mistakes rather than lamenting them, you will become more confident in your ability to choose a suitable partner and maintain a healthy relationship. Each date is a chance to practice your social skills, and every relationship (whether good or bad) can teach you some valuable lessons.

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5. Instead of ‘I need a partner!’, think: ‘I would like to meet someone special, and in the meantime, I’m enjoying my life.’

Finally, few things are so unattractive to potential partners as desperation. If you catch yourself feeling as though you are somehow incomplete without a partner, it’s time to do some serious introspection and work out how you came to hold this belief. Work on filling your life with activities and interests that give you joy. This will make you more attractive because healthy, well-rounded individuals (the kind you want to date!) are attracted to others who have their own lives.

Making these adjustments is not an overnight project. It may take weeks or even months to change your beliefs around dating. However, the payoff is well worth the effort. Give yourself the best possible chance of finding love with a compatible partner.

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.

If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:

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  1. Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
  2. Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
  3. Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
  4. Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
  5. Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
  6. Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
  7. Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
  8. Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
  9. Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
  10. Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
  11. Dress up nicely to feel happier.
  12. Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
  13. Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
  14. Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
  15. Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
  16. Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
  17. Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
  18. Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
  19. Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
  20. Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
  21. Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
  22. Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
  23. Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
  24. Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
  25. Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
  26. Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
  27. Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

Remember:

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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  — Epictetus

If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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