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5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

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5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

Successful dating isn’t just a matter of luck.

If you are single and dating, you might find yourself feeling despondent about your love life, especially if you’ve been looking for a while. Sometimes all it takes is a lucky break, and you find yourself matched with someone who is a great fit for you. However, the way you see yourself, romance and life, in general, is also a big factor in how likely you are to find an awesome partner.

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The power of changing your self-limiting beliefs.

When you stop seeing every date as your last chance at finding happiness and reframe it as an opportunity to meet a new person, your whole attitude will begin to shift. With just a few alterations to your mindset, you will find that dating will become more fun, and you will quickly weed out people who aren’t right for you. Read on to find out how to think more positively about dating and attract more suitable partners into your life.

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1. Instead of ‘I hate being single’, think: ‘I’m so lucky I get to meet all these interesting new people!’

If you approach dating from a place of deprivation, focusing on how much you hate being single, you are in no position to make healthy choices when it comes to potential new partners because your primary concern will be getting into a relationship rather than picking a compatible mate. Concentrate instead on one of the greatest joys of being single, i.e. the freedom to go out with all kinds of interesting new people.

2. Instead of ‘No-one will want me’, think: ‘Other people are lucky to be able to date me!’

When your self-esteem is low, you are vulnerable to partners who treat you badly or who are simply not right for you because you don’t value yourself enough to hold out for someone worthy of you. Until you can honestly say to yourself that your date is just as lucky to date you as you are to spend an evening with them, spend some time single and work on improving your sense of self-worth.

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3. Instead of ‘I have nothing to talk about’, think: ‘I am just as interesting as anyone else!’

Do you tend to believe that other people are intrinsically more interesting than you? If so, you won’t be able to enjoy an uninhibited evening with a date, because you’ll be too worried about how you measure up next to them. Have a little faith in yourself and the way you live your life. As long as you have a vocation (and being a full-time parent counts here), a couple of interests and stay up to date with current affairs, you are just as capable of carrying on a conversation with anyone else.

4. Instead of ‘I am bad at relationships’, think: ‘I am learning more about relationships!’

No-one is born ‘good’ at relationships. We all learn through experience. When you decide to start learning from your mistakes rather than lamenting them, you will become more confident in your ability to choose a suitable partner and maintain a healthy relationship. Each date is a chance to practice your social skills, and every relationship (whether good or bad) can teach you some valuable lessons.

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5. Instead of ‘I need a partner!’, think: ‘I would like to meet someone special, and in the meantime, I’m enjoying my life.’

Finally, few things are so unattractive to potential partners as desperation. If you catch yourself feeling as though you are somehow incomplete without a partner, it’s time to do some serious introspection and work out how you came to hold this belief. Work on filling your life with activities and interests that give you joy. This will make you more attractive because healthy, well-rounded individuals (the kind you want to date!) are attracted to others who have their own lives.

Making these adjustments is not an overnight project. It may take weeks or even months to change your beliefs around dating. However, the payoff is well worth the effort. Give yourself the best possible chance of finding love with a compatible partner.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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