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5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

5 Dating Mindset Shifts You Have To Make To Find Lasting Love

Successful dating isn’t just a matter of luck.

If you are single and dating, you might find yourself feeling despondent about your love life, especially if you’ve been looking for a while. Sometimes all it takes is a lucky break, and you find yourself matched with someone who is a great fit for you. However, the way you see yourself, romance and life, in general, is also a big factor in how likely you are to find an awesome partner.

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The power of changing your self-limiting beliefs.

When you stop seeing every date as your last chance at finding happiness and reframe it as an opportunity to meet a new person, your whole attitude will begin to shift. With just a few alterations to your mindset, you will find that dating will become more fun, and you will quickly weed out people who aren’t right for you. Read on to find out how to think more positively about dating and attract more suitable partners into your life.

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1. Instead of ‘I hate being single’, think: ‘I’m so lucky I get to meet all these interesting new people!’

If you approach dating from a place of deprivation, focusing on how much you hate being single, you are in no position to make healthy choices when it comes to potential new partners because your primary concern will be getting into a relationship rather than picking a compatible mate. Concentrate instead on one of the greatest joys of being single, i.e. the freedom to go out with all kinds of interesting new people.

2. Instead of ‘No-one will want me’, think: ‘Other people are lucky to be able to date me!’

When your self-esteem is low, you are vulnerable to partners who treat you badly or who are simply not right for you because you don’t value yourself enough to hold out for someone worthy of you. Until you can honestly say to yourself that your date is just as lucky to date you as you are to spend an evening with them, spend some time single and work on improving your sense of self-worth.

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3. Instead of ‘I have nothing to talk about’, think: ‘I am just as interesting as anyone else!’

Do you tend to believe that other people are intrinsically more interesting than you? If so, you won’t be able to enjoy an uninhibited evening with a date, because you’ll be too worried about how you measure up next to them. Have a little faith in yourself and the way you live your life. As long as you have a vocation (and being a full-time parent counts here), a couple of interests and stay up to date with current affairs, you are just as capable of carrying on a conversation with anyone else.

4. Instead of ‘I am bad at relationships’, think: ‘I am learning more about relationships!’

No-one is born ‘good’ at relationships. We all learn through experience. When you decide to start learning from your mistakes rather than lamenting them, you will become more confident in your ability to choose a suitable partner and maintain a healthy relationship. Each date is a chance to practice your social skills, and every relationship (whether good or bad) can teach you some valuable lessons.

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5. Instead of ‘I need a partner!’, think: ‘I would like to meet someone special, and in the meantime, I’m enjoying my life.’

Finally, few things are so unattractive to potential partners as desperation. If you catch yourself feeling as though you are somehow incomplete without a partner, it’s time to do some serious introspection and work out how you came to hold this belief. Work on filling your life with activities and interests that give you joy. This will make you more attractive because healthy, well-rounded individuals (the kind you want to date!) are attracted to others who have their own lives.

Making these adjustments is not an overnight project. It may take weeks or even months to change your beliefs around dating. However, the payoff is well worth the effort. Give yourself the best possible chance of finding love with a compatible partner.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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