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Lonely and Bitter? 5 Ways to Deal with Solitude

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Lonely and Bitter? 5 Ways to Deal with Solitude

There may come a time when you find yourself feeling lonely at one point in your life, and you start questioning how and when exactly that happened. Trying to contemplate the facts and going backwards in time will only make you bitter and resentful – at least, that’s what happened in my case.

There’s no point in crying over spilled milk – you are where you are, and you need to make the best of it. As a matter of fact, solitude can be a very dear friend if you offer it a hand of peace. Any situation can be used to your advantage if you’re able to completely change your mindset and look at the world from a different perspective.

1. It’s Only a Prison If You Make It So

This cage of loneliness is only a creation of your mind, and you can set yourself free. For starters, you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop doubting your worth – many lonely people believe that they don’t have anything to offer to the world, and that is the reason why they are so distant from it.

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You have probably already heard about that confidence theory – it’s all about how confident you believe you are. People can smell insecurity from a mile away. And much like the confidence theory, your feelings of insecurity all comes from the inside; the world is exactly the way you believe it is.

If you believe you’re confident – you will be; if you want your mind to be a happier place – you will make it so, and if you want to turn loneliness into a temple of peace and serenity – it’s up to you to start building it.

2. Create Routines and Follow Them Through

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Teenage girl on the grass with a guitar

    It’s quite easy to be pulled into the shadows of depression when you’re lonely – you’ll be pulled in if you let it. However, the fact that you have nothing or no one to plan your day around doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan at all.

    You should make friends with discipline, for starters. Start your morning with a delicious cup of coffee or cup of your favorite tea, make your own yummy breakfast and enjoy the beginning of your day. Voila – you have already done something useful; you just made yourself feel comfortable and pleasant.

    3. Fill Your Life with Various Projects

    After your morning routine is done, you should roll up your sleeves and see what you can do for your surroundings. DIY projects are extraordinarily beneficial, and they will do wonders for your home and your inner self. Building or fixing things using your own hands, and developing your skills in the process, will make your home more pleasant and help you get to know yourself better. Obviously, this will do great things for your confidence.

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    4. Make Your Work More Interesting

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      A lot of loneliness in this age of technology comes from a whole new phenomenon – working at home. Sure, this comes with a bunch of advantages because you are your own boss, but it also lets you sleep in, which may seem quite harmless in the beginning.

      Get your work and yourself out of the house – there are ways to make friends when working from home, and you should explore your options. Besides, you shouldn’t allow yourself to stagnate but, instead, you need to strive towards advancement and growth. This professional rut may be the reason why you’re bitter, which is why you should find a way to see your work in action and find ways for it to contribute to the world.

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      5. Reach Out and Talk to People

      If your mind is too quiet and you feel like you miss spoken kind words, someone’s acknowledgement or appreciation, the obvious thing to do is to earn it. Obstacles that prevent you from communicating with others can be overcome, but you need to have a strong will to do so.

      You should go to social gatherings you enjoy, visit cultural events that are in your area of interest, take walks at your nearest park, or read in your local library instead of at home because that way you’ll find people who are similar to you and share your thoughts.
      There’s a silver lining to solitude – it allows you to explore the depths of your personality. Upon those discoveries, you should build your life and fashion it according to your needs. It doesn’t seem so bad now, does it? I see it as a great opportunity you should take advantage of.

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      Last Updated on November 18, 2021

      10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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      10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

      We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

      A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

      So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

      • honest
      • reliable
      • competent
      • kind and compassionate
      • capable of taking the blame
      • able to persevere
      • modest and humble
      • pacific and can control anger.

      The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

      1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

      All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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      But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

      2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

      How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

      I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

      “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

      Abigail Van Buren

      3. How does this person take the blame?

      Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

      4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

      You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

      5. Read their emails.

      Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

      • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
      • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
      • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
      • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
      • Too many question marks can show anger
      • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

      6. Watch out for the show offs.

      Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

      7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

      A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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      Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

      8. Their empathy score is high.

      Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

      People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

      9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

      We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

      “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

      Stendhal

       10. Avoid toxic people.

      These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

      • Envy or jealousy
      • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
      • Complaining about their own lack of success
      • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
      • Obsession with themselves and their problems

      Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

      Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

      Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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