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7 Things Every Guy Needs to Consider Before Getting Down on One Knee

7 Things Every Guy Needs to Consider Before Getting Down on One Knee

If you are thinking of proposing to your girlfriend soon, there are some things you should consider before doing so. You don’t want to just jump right in without being prepared first. Being prepared for something this important in your life is very important because you don’t want anything backfiring on you when she says no. You want to do everything possible to make sure she says yes, so check out these 7 things every guy needs to consider before getting down on one knee.

1. Make Sure She Will Say Yes

First, before you go out of your way to get a ring for her or plan to make this the most romantic thing for the two of you, you want to make sure she is going to say yes. You can do this by uncovering some knowledge about what she will say during the conversations the two of you have.

Has she ever said she doesn’t want to get married? If she hasn’t, then this could possibly mean she will say yes. Also, make sure she wants you as her husband. Does she constantly say, “When can we get married?” or “Are you ever going to marry me?” If she does, then you know she will say yes. Look out for subtle signs.

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2. Don’t Make it Obvious You Are Going to Propose

You want her to be surprised so try not to make it too obvious, but you also don’t want her to think you don’t want to marry her either. Although you want to plan it, you don’t want her to find out by giving it away either.

You could tell her “someday” you will ask her but don’t let her know when because it should be a huge surprise. Keeping it from her might be a little difficult, especially when you try not to keep things from her. However, this one time won’t hurt and she will be very happy that you surprised her.

3. Don’t Let Anyone Else Know

Another way of keeping her from finding out is by not letting anyone else know you are going to ask her to marry you. You should keep it from everyone because you never know who is going to slip out and tell her about the surprise. You have worked so hard in planning this huge surprise and don’t want anyone ruining it for you or her.

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You should definitely not tell her family or her friends and try to keep it from your family and friends because they could even slip out and tell her. You don’t know who you can trust to keep this one huge surprise from her so keep it to yourself.

4. Finding the Right Ring

You want to find the perfect ring for her; one that she will cherish and love for the rest of her life. You want to make sure it fits her but realize that size doesn’t really matter as long as it is not too small to fit.

The main things you want to be aware of when buying something so important includes cut, color, clarity, and carat. The most important thing she will see is how big the diamond is and how shiny it is. Although many guys tend to think that size is the most important aspect of a ring for their girlfriend, this isn’t the most important. You should work with the jeweler to make sure your ring is edited to look the best and within your budget, of course.

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What you should do is find the perfect ring for her and an affordable one for you, and make it personal for her. Have the jeweler make it the way she will like it. The most popular diamond there is for an engagement ring is the brilliant round cut. This is because, depending on the design you choose, it shall reflect your feelings towards her.

5. Be Creative With How you Propose

Everyone is going to be asking you both how you proposed so you want to be as creative as possible. This is not the only reason you want to be creative though. You also want her to really love how you popped the question. Make it more about her, than you. You know what she likes so make it fun, creative, and in a way she will always remember.

6. Make Sure You Both Look Nice When you Pop the Question

The reason for this is because you know she will want to start taking pictures. Because of this, you will both want to be picture ready. The perfect way to have her picture ready is to let her think you are taking her some place nice and fancy.

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This way, she will get dressed up and you will both be picture ready without her knowing the real reason for it. Don’t think she will be disappointed if you don’t take her to her favorite restaurant, after all she will then have a beautiful diamond ring on her finger and will be marrying the man she loves, you.

7. Try To Make it Earlier in the Day When you Propose

You will want to make sure it is earlier in the day that you propose, this way you won’t be too nervous and you will have the rest of the day for making phone calls to tell your friends and family and for the congratulatory emails you will get. You will want to call and tell everyone you know about what happened on this awesome day. You will also want to reply to those congratulatory emails and send out thank you cards. Also, she will want to start planning the wedding already!

All-in-all, make it a day about her but also about the both of you. You want everything to go smoothly for you two and to make sure you are both as happy as you should be. Also, no matter how confident you think you are, you are going to be nervous but once she says yes, it will all be worth.

Featured photo credit: pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Ahmed Raza

CEO of Samurais.co

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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