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No More Horsing Around

No More Horsing Around

Most parents know the difficulty of one or more children begging to be able to get a new pet. My daughter has literally asked to get everything from a tarantula to a parrot to a puppy. She is pretty responsible and I am a huge animal lover myself so we have ended up with two parakeets gifted to us, a bearded dragon from a neighbor, and a cat and a dog from the humane society. We have quite a zoo already so when the questions arose about a horse I was not too surprised. Although, my answer was an immediate NO.

We do not live in a house with any land for such a large animal, horse boarding is very expensive for a nice place close to home, and the cost of the horse alone not to mention feeding and caring for the animal is way out of my budget. There are so many aspects to consider before jumping into being a horse owner.

I have never seen my daughter so determined though. She even started saving her own money to put towards buying a horse of her own. Once I sat down with her and explained all of the other costs of responsibly caring for such a large animal she understood but I could tell she felt defeated.

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As a mother, seeing how badly she wanted to be around these beautiful animals that she adored and the lengths she was willing to go, I did a little research and found some great alternatives. I also found examples of horses that weren’t cared for properly that I could share with my daughter so that she better understood why it wouldn’t be fair to the horse if we went out and purchased one. Here are the most promising options.

Volunteer

As I was researching I immediately found several sites that needed volunteers on farms for malnourished and neglected horses. Explaining to my daughter the reality of what could happen if a person cannot take care of the animal is one thing. Her seeing for herself made much more of an impact and curbed the constant, “Pleeeease mom!”

Not only did it allow her to be closer to the big beauties but it made her feel useful, like she was making a difference, because she was. All the while she was learning great work ethic and compassion, free of charge.

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Camps

This is another great alternative to actually purchasing a horse. Every summer I still have to work and the last thing I want is for my daughter to sit at daycare until I get off or be bored at home so I do my best to find interesting camps that last all day. This is a great choice for any child that wants to get closer to horses and learn to ride.

Through volunteering for the horses in need you help to nurse the horses back to health and learn how much work it is to care for and feed the horses but opportunities to ride the horses are slim. This choice is not free. Camps can run a pretty penny. They can run anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars. Shop around your area and find one that suits your budget best. A lot of them also have scholarships for funding so look for that as well.

Leasing

I was pretty surprised when I’ve seen that this was an option. In fact I almost changed my stance on purchasing a horse but in the end it would still not be responsible of us considering how busy we are and it is still a pretty large financial investment. You can lease a horse and lease a horse with the option of ownership.

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When simply leasing a horse you generally pay a monthly fee and cover monthly expenses. When leasing, if the horse were to get injured you would not be obligated to cover those expenses or have to worry about selling the horse if that is what it came to. Leasing a horse is also a good option to take before deciding to take the plunge and purchasing a horse. It will give ample time and experience enough to decide whether it really is something that everyone involved is ready for.

Leasing to own is a good option if you have the time, space and energy to care for the animal but don’t have the full purchasing amount all at once. This gives you the option to pay payments to own your own horse.

Co-ownership

This is another great option for those who don’t have the immediate funds and do not have the space for the animal as well. Co-ownership allows you to split the purchase price and costs of feed and upkeep with someone else. If there is someone close to home that is trustworthy this is a smart option. Before going into co-ownership I suggest sitting down with the other buyer and going over details and creating a document of responsibilities so that there is no confusion or conflict in the future about who covers which costs.

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I am sure a lot of parents like myself assume that horse ownership is an all or nothing deal but fortunately that is not the case. These are the best options that allow for less of a weight on you financially and generally give a cushion of time and experience before choosing to make the decision to own your own horse. They allow for ample time to make sure that it is really something that our children want and will stay responsible for or if it is a fleeting phase, which there are a lot of with most kids.

My daughter may not have been able to purchase her own horse but in the end she and I are both happy with the way things have worked out. Her ability to stay involved with horses year round is something that has created a space of compassion and responsibility in her that I could not be more proud of. Best of luck into your journey into horse ownership

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Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

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The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

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As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

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I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

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The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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