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8 Indicators To Help Identify The Narcissists Around You

8 Indicators To Help Identify The Narcissists Around You

Do you know anyone near you, who claims to have extensive knowledge on everything? Do they always opt for “me, my, and I?” Do not second guess ignoring them, because they are most likely a narcissist. There are people out there who will make an effort to connect with you, but once their self-interest is served, they will walk away. It’s time to wade through the chore of identifying narcissists around you. If you have ever been startled by such people in your life, and you want to spot them out, read through the indicators below to identify the narcissists beside you.


1. They Try to Win Every Conversation

There may be a person at your table—along with your other mates—who won’t give you the chance to speak. You’ll first ignore this behavior, but they seem to dominate conversations and never hold back. They often cause sensitive people to feel embarrassed. They tell tall tales with eccentric gestures, and amuse others– stay away from such people, they will waste your time with their narcissistic attitude.

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2. They Think They are the Smartest People Ever

People who are smart and creative don’t talk about their success stories everywhere they go. They in fact, usually try and show people something real and innovative. However, if you are among narcissists, then you can expect to watch them regale a group of people with exaggerated tales. If they ever see something worth mentioning, they’ll quote it a dozen times, dressing it up with baseless facts to personalize it for their own benefit. In reality however, these people run away from any situation that truly requires intelligence and determination.

3. They are Not Well Read in True Meaning

Do you ever notice that person—surrounded by some others— constantly getting praise for discussing topics that usually require extensive research? Make sure you check for their accuracy, because you may be falling victim to “narcissist talk”. They have shallow knowledge, and sham it to the highest degree of perfection. You can’t beat them, because they have experience, and it is not their first time encroaching fabricated information on others. Just keep this in mind next time you see this happen, and avoid dealing with them.

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4. They Lack Empathy and Apathy

Narcissists have no care at all. They get an idea and execute it without concern for people’s feelings. This often causes serious inconveniences. They pretend to have a smitten with you, but may later on decide to let you down. Their jesting remarks may hurt you a lot, but it really doesn’t matter because they don’t care. In fact, these people are addicted to their habits; their initial interests and enthusiasms come to an end once their own goals are realized. They will then leave you because they are simply, narcissists.

5. They Make Use of Triangulation

Narcissists look for every possibility to belittle you. To inflict and validate their points on others, they bring the opinions of a third party into their conversations in order to help back their cases. Triangulation, according to a book Psychopath Free by Peace, is an important method narcissists use for controlling your emotions. It helps them grab you perfectly, so that their nefarious desires of jealousy weaken your relationships, and move your loved ones far away from you.

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6. They Hold Grudges Until the End

There is no limit to the resentment narcissists have against people—who unfortunately get stuck in dealing with them. They will grab every opportunity to take a jab at you. They still remember that past month’s conversation that led them to humiliation in front of many people. Karyl McBride, a PHD from The Union Institute in clinical psychology, described the feeling saying, “It feels like a huge assault, a personal attack.” Actually, such people think that they have a distinctive image in other people’s minds, and they don’t want that image to shatter. You can see these types of people near you, in a ceremony, at function halls, everywhere.

7. They Won’t Shoulder Responsibilities

You’ll find narcissists always trying to stand out in a crowd or group. Once something becomes less than convenient for them, they will sneak out. This is how their strategy works; if you confront them about leaving their responsibilities behind, you will get a list of excuses on how they are independent from the situation. “He did that, I never got there, and I’m not responsible.”

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8. They Will Push Others to the Edge

There are people around you—if you recognize them—who will try to get the most out of you for nothing in return. They are narcissists with a parasitic nature. It doesn’t matter if you get injured or whatever, they will always turn a deaf ear once you try and express your concerns. They don’t work hard to achieve real success in their lives; their whole system is coded into duping others.

Put them under the red flag, and make your life safe and carefree by watching out for all these 8 indicators!

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Taseer Ahmad

Freelance B2C writer

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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