Advertising
Advertising

7 Parenting Mistakes That Harm The Well-Being Of Children

7 Parenting Mistakes That Harm The Well-Being Of Children

In many ways, being a parent is the most delicate balancing act of all. Not only must we lead our children into adulthood and encourage them to grow, but there is also a pressing need to act as their guardians to protect them from physical and mental harm.

This balance is difficult to achieve, and even with the best of intentions it is possible to make inadvertent mistakes that impact negatively on the growth and well-being of your children. With an awareness of these parenting pitfalls, however, you can hopefully avoid them and protect your children from long-term harm.

Parenting Mistakes that inadvertently can harm your Children

1. Failing to practice what we Preach

While children must ultimately be empowered to forge their own path in life, it is our responsibility as parents to instil the values and principles that will guide their decisions as accountable adults. Make no mistake; actions speak louder than words in the mind of a child, so it is crucial that you try to impart behaviours and values through a consistent, physical example.

If your own behaviour is unethical and does not match the values that you preach, your child will notice and develop a confused set of values which hinder strong decision making.

Advertising

2. Imposing our own will on your children

As a strong-minded parent, it is natural that you would want them to follow in your footsteps. There may be unhealthy psychological reasons for this, however, such a desire to control your child or live vicariously through their actions. Either way, it is important to ensure that you do not inadvertently impose your own will on your child, however, as this can cause them to follow a future course that leads to failure or long-term unhappiness.

For example, my father strongly encouraged me to forge a career in the manufacturing sector where he made his living. Although he genuinely believed that this was in my best interests, and despite the fact that the manufacturing sector in the UK still accounts for 52% of all exports, this was not a career path that could help me to achieve long-term stability or satisfaction.

So while a parent should always offer objective advice when they are approached by their child, you should refrain from imposing your will and unduly influencing their decisions.

3. Preventing your child from taking risks

Occasionally, parents may impose their own will as it encourages their child to pursue a safe and familiar course in life. This betrays a fear that your child will fail, but the fact remains that learning how to take and manage calculated risks is a crucial life-lesson that will prepare your child for adulthood. While it is our primary duty to protect the physical and mental well-being of our children, we must be balanced in our approach if we are to achieve our parenting goals.

Advertising

Psychologists in Europe have discovered the children who do not play outside do not experience falls or a skinned knee, for example, which can stunt emotional development and cause phobias in adulthood. Children must therefore be empowered to take small and controlled risks that impart valuable lessons, build independence and aids the development of maturity.

4. Failing to distinguish between Genuine and Perceived Threats

If you are to successfully enable your child to encounter risk, you will need to maintain an objective mind and successfully distinguish between genuine and perceived threats. Often as parents we struggle to make such a distinction, as we allow our minds to be overrun by irrational fears and the subjective experiences that have hindered our own development.

Let’s say that you are a nervous driver or passenger and are loath to travel with your child in a car. While there is a basis for your caution, this can be easily exacerbated by sub-conscious fears and incidents that may have occurred during your own childhood. To break this psychological cycle, you will need to think logically and identify precise threats, such as the risk of your child being injured in a collision.

From here you can take practical steps such as installing and successfully using seat-belt restraints, which saved an estimated 303 children’s live as recently as 2010.

Advertising

5. Rescuing our children too Quickly

Arguably, the pace of technological advancement and widespread social changes have prevented today’s generation of youngsters from developing the same set of life skills from previous generations. Today’s parents are also more likely to intervene and rescue their children from perceived difficulties or hardship, solving short-term issues at the expense of long-term growth and development.

In the UK, for example, it is now estimated that parent’s contribute £17,900 ($23,435) to the deposit on their children’s first house. This is a huge sum that is often offered unconditionally, negating the need for young adults to develop core coping and problem solving skills that they will be expected to possess as they grow older.

This is the culmination of a pattern established in childhood, and one that can have a debilitating impact throughout the life-time of our offspring.

6. Allowing Guilt to interfere with our Parenting

If fear is one of the negative emotions that prevents effective parenting, guilt is another that must be given careful consideration. This is particularly true for inexperienced or first-time parents (or those with multiple children), who are often loath to upset or disappoint their children even in instances where their demands are unreasonable and ultimately not in their best interests.

Advertising

The cumulative effect of such behaviour manifests itself in a spoiled child with a sense of entitlement, which in turn can breed traits such as arrogance and selfishness in later life. These attributes are extremely detrimental to the cultivation of adult relationships, and in this respect yielding to an irrational, fleeting sense of guilt can trigger a lifetime of personality issues that are impossible to overcome.

7. Refusing to share our past mistakes

On a final note, it is important to strike the ideal balance between oppressing or smothering children and leaving them to their own differences. After all, healthy teenagers are always a little too eager to spread their wings, and while you should inhibit this raw ambition you should also look to harness and channel this whenever possible.

This is where your own unique experiences can come into play, particularly when you focus on relevant examples and explain these objectively to your child. By sharing the mistakes that you have made you can fill critical gaps in knowledge and experience, while helping your child to make more informed decisions concerning smoking, education and the consumption of alcohol.

Just remember to educate your child on the consequences of these mistakes and how you recovered from them, as this will help to prepare them regardless of the decision that they ultimately take.

More by this author

10 Reasons A Long-Distance Relationship Will Work 12 iPhone 6 Tricks You Probably Don’t Know But Should We Are Often Confused Empathy With Sympathy but What’s The Difference Actually? To Make Wise Decisions, Ask Yourself These Questions Every Time No Matter What You Say, the First Thing People Pay Attention to Is Only How You Say It

Trending in Child Development

1Want Your Kids To Be Happy For A Lifetime? Make Them Feel Secure In The Early Days 2Necessary Steps When Teaching Your Teenager to Drive 35 Tips For Teaching Money Management To Children 47 Effective Tips for Your Child’s Positive Growth 55 Ways to Ease Back to Work Without Nanny Anxiety

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Published on August 8, 2018

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

Do you want the best for your kid? Of course you do!

Boosting your kid’s learning ability and social skills in less than 20 minutes a day? That’s where guided meditation for kids comes in.

You have probably heard a lot about meditation the last couple years. As there’s more and more research in the area of meditation, a lot of people finally start to see the benefits.

A subject that’s not talked about too much is that meditation can also help kids grow incredible learning and social skills.

Meditation for kids is becoming more popular every day as parents want their kids to see the benefits too.

What is guided meditation for kids?

First things first, what exactly is the guided meditation for kids that is talked about in this article?

We can define meditation with the help of Headspace:[1]

Meditation is about training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well.

And according to GuidedMind, guided meditation is:[2]

Guided meditation is when you are guided, by a narrator, to elicit a specific change in your life. You are first guided to relax your body and mind, to help you reach a deep meditative state before going on a journey, in your mind, to reach a specific goal.

If you want to get into guided meditation, read this:

The Guided Morning Meditation for Beginners (That Will Change Your Day)

Advertising

As you may know, there are a lot of variations on meditation. This includes:

  • Mindfulness, focusing on the breath while accepting everything that’s happening (thoughts, sounds, etc.).
  • (Guided) Visualization, visualizing a particular event, environment, feeling, etc.
  • Heart Rhythm Meditation (HRM), focusing on the breath and the heart while feeling at one with everything. A focus on downward energy flow within the body.
  • Transcendental Meditation (TM), this technique is literally about transcending the negative through internal mantras.
  • Qi Gong, this is a form of meditation that is done through specific movement patterns while focusing on the breath.
  • Kundalini focuses on the upward flow of energy within the body. Focusing on that energy with your breath gives you a higher sense of consciousness.
  • Zazen, sitting with a back straight while focusing on deep breaths.

You can find out more about different forms in this article:

17 Types of Meditation (Techniques and Basics) to Practice Mindfulness

All these forms of meditation can be done individually or guided. Guided meditation for kids is the best choice because it will make it easier for them to follow and understand.

The benefits of meditation for kids

There are a lot of benefits meditation has to offer, but the most important benefit is that it relieves stress. In this time and age, this becomes more important than ever.

(Post-)millennials are dealing with a lot of stress due to the amount of work pressure, opportunities (decision making) and student loan debt (which results in wanting early financial success).[3]

Making sure children are stress resistant is of high importance for the future of their lives.

Of course, there are way more benefits to meditation. So, to convince you further; here follow more benefits to meditation.

There are precisely 76 benefits to meditation which are scientifically proved.[4] But the main benefits of meditation are:

  • Improved concentration[5]
  • Increased happiness[6]
  • Slows down the aging process[7]
  • Increased immunity[8] and cardiovascular health[9]
  • Improved mood and brain power

Here I’m going to look into some of meditation’s benefits that parents care about most:

Boost learning ability

The question is: ‘How does meditation for kids improve learning ability?’

There are, of course, multiple answers but there’s one simple answer; concentration. As you read earlier on in this article, meditation improves the ability to concentrate.

Advertising

If the ability to concentrate increases, it will lead to an increased attention span which is one of the factors that affect learning.

By implementing guided meditation into your kids’ life; he/she will become a better learner.

Another reason to increase the attention span of your child beside learning is that our average attention span per person is decreasing exponentially because of all the distractions that we have around us.

The more we let distractions in, the less easy it becomes to really focus on something. This is because it takes us 23 minutes to get into something after being distracted.[10]

Improve social skills

The way meditation for kids improves the social skills of the meditator is through the sense of presence it creates.[11] Being present in a conversation is more important than you may think.

Do you know those people who are just way up in their head which makes it hard to have an in-depth conversation with?

They probably don’t meditate.

By being present in a conversation, you can better understand the person you’re talking to. Not being carried away by your thoughts makes it easier to process the information the other is providing. Including non-verbal signs, you may never have noticed if you weren’t present.

Meditation for kids also improves charisma because of the loving nature that grows from meditating. Especially the kindness and gratitude focused forms of meditation for kids. By being more kind and grateful; your kid will increase in charisma and feeling of interconnectedness which will improve social skills.

Last but not least, implementing guided meditation for kids in the form of guided meditation by you (the parent) will likely improve the relationship between you and your child.

This creates the opportunity to educate your child on specific social skills you’ve picked up and the other way around. Also, a child is very dependent on its environment.

By increasing social skills yourself, you will improve the social skills of your child.

Advertising

How to get started with guided meditation for kids

Below follows a step-by-step process on how to implement guided meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Step 1: Do it yourself first

Have you ever tried learning Spanish from someone who doesn’t speak Spanish? No, because it doesn’t make sense!

This is the same for meditation for kids. If you want to teach your kid how to meditate, you will first have to do it yourself.

Pick a form of meditation for kids you think would work best and get the hang of it. Follow guided meditation via YouTube or any platform you like.

Suggestions: Visualization meditation, body scan meditation or simple mindfulness.

There’s an easy guide on meditation you can do anywhere at any time:

The 5-Minute Guide to Meditation: Anywhere, Anytime

Step 2: Expose your kid to the practice

By exposing your kid to the practice without him/her knowing, its intention will raise their curiosity. This makes it easier to convince them afterward.

Meditate in the presence of them; put your earplugs in and start meditating while they are around. When they talk to you or touch you while you’re meditating, keep meditating until they walk away.

When you’re done, you can explain what you were doing and why you were doing and ask to do it together. Explain it in a way, so they understand it.

Here’s an article that will help you explain mindfulness to your kid:

Mindfulness: What it is and How to Explain it to Kids and Adults

Advertising

Tip: Make it sound like it’s very special (which it is) so that they’ll grow their curiosity and excitement even more.

Step 3: Do it together

Now that you have the interest of your child and know the essence of meditation you can finally do it together. Guide them through the meditation or put on the meditation you followed before.

Make it a fun and enjoyable experience for your child at first while keeping the essence of meditation in mind.

As you and your child progress you may want to make it more serious.

Step 4: Let your child express himself/Herself entirely

You will get a lot of insights about your feelings and thoughts through meditation. Your child will also experience these things and may want to express it.

Ask your child after the meditation what he/she experienced or felt. Let them get rid of everything that’s bothering them.

Step 5: Be consistent

As you do it more frequently; you will build a habit for you and your kid that will benefit you both. Reward them after each meditation.

Make it a fun experience instead of something they must do. Don’t push it.

Step 6: Be calm and let it be

Again, don’t push it and don’t expect anything. You want to get your child into meditation for kids so he/she can benefit from it in the long run. But you can’t decide for your kid if he/she wants it or not.

You will have to educate yourself first before you can train your child. Read books or articles about meditation for kids and try your best.

Conclusion

Here’s a summary of the key points you have learned by reading this article:

  • You now know what (guided) meditation for kids is.
  • You know why it’s so important to include (guided) meditation into your and your kids’ life.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the learning ability of your kid.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the social skills of your kid.
  • You have the steps you can follow to implement meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Good luck and start meditating with your kids!

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next