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How to Improve Your Next Relationship While Still Single

How to Improve Your Next Relationship While Still Single

We’ve all been in a relationship that seems doomed. Maybe one person gives everything they have while the other just tries to take everything that they can. Perhaps both partners just stopped trying. Either way, there IS hope for those single Pringles to better themselves and better the quality of their love lives. Here are a few ways to improve your next relationship.

Instead of obsessing over your ex’s flaws, evaluate your own.

Most people only see their partner’s flaws and unintentionally neglect their own. This seems harmless; however it can result in bickering and one or both partners becoming dissatisfied.

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Remember in high school when the teacher asked us to grade ourselves? And in job interviews and evaluations, we are consistently asked to point out weaknesses and other “areas of opportunity.” The reason for this is because unless asked to do so, humans are typically reluctant to search internally for problems when faced with adversity.

Hopefully you’re not reading this and giving yourself all “A”s — try to honestly and humbly reflect and consider your partner’s complaints, and determine the validity of those concerns. When we accept our shortcomings, we are far more likely to seek improvement than when our partner (or boss or teacher) conjures a moment of reflection.

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Figure out why you want a partner and what you hope to get out of a relationship.

Everyone has their personal reasons for wanting a partner. Many seek emotional fulfillment, while others desire fulfillment physically. Some are simply afraid of being alone; they allow their definition of worth to be dictated by whether or not they have a significant other. Contrarily, some people simply find a partner for personal gain.

Whatever your need(s) are for a partner, it’s important to know them prior to entering a relationship. How can you expect a fruitful partnership if your definition of success has yet to be define? Utilize time in between relationships to determine what you like and don’t like and where your areas of opportunity lie. If you can’t figure them out for yourself, you can reach out to an ex and ask for them to candidly outline some for you.

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Work on your confidence and self-worth.

After any grieving period following a breakup, start your rebound by improving your self image. If weight and health are issues, work on your fitness and diet. If you’re impatient, learn to be patient. If you’re too jealous, learn to appreciate your worth so you know your partner has something to lose, and allow them the freedom of making a mistake before you smother them and treat them like they’ve already done so.

These flaws are relatively easy to work on if you’re truly committed to a better outcome than last time. Volunteer time with children to help with patience; keep at it and eventually it will come.

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Your personality is like a muscle. If you start with low resistance, you can gradually work your way up until you’re able to tolerate much more than you ever thought  possible. The same goes for jealousy. Learn to be proud of yourself by achieving goals such as weight loss, speaking to new people to improve communication, or joining a rec-league or a coed social league to improve social skills while putting yourself out there to meet new people.

Figure out what kind of person you want to be with and what your priorities are.

After you’ve figured out your reasons for dating and your self-esteem has improved, figure out what your needs are within a relationship. Think about what type of person are you looking for and what your relationship requirements are. If you’re in you mid-20s or later, can they offer enough time for you away from their career, kids, family, etc? What about maturity levels? Do you like going out or staying in? Do you want time for your friends or time alone? The more you know about what you need and what you need from your partner, the better armed you will be going into a partnership.

Featured photo credit: Boating by gagilas via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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