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Is Your Tinder Date Lying To You? Run A Background Check

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Is Your Tinder Date Lying To You? Run A Background Check

Nine in 10 Americans are using online dating platforms nowadays, when meeting your significant other online is not a stigmatized act anymore. If you would have told someone you’ve met your partner online 20 years ago, eyebrows would raise as you would have gotten disapproving looks. Things changed a lot in the last 20 years and now a survey by Pew Research showed that one in five adults aged between 25-35 are looking for their partner online and two thirds of them had actually dated the people they met online.

Online dating is the second most common way to find your partner, following being introduced by a common friend. The billion dollar industry built with help from the 50 million Tinder users has changed the dynamics of dating and marriage, increasing the your chance to stumble upon a dangerous person. You can never know who is hiding behind an online dating profile. The number of people who are setting up fake profiles, luring honest people into a scam only to have fun, harm them or else, is growing and it also has a name: catfish scam.

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This comes with a new problem: how can you be sure the person you know online is the same person you are going to meet offline? We’ve all heard horror stories and lots of online-love-gone-wrong experiences, so before you decide what to wear to your date, you might want to background check your new date. Here are some ways to find out if your online date is lying to you or is just enhancing his/her background to impress you.

The basic: Google

The simplest check you can do on your date is a simple Google search. There are multiple ways to look for someone: you can try using the full name of the person you are looking for, quotation marks, aliases and even emails. If you can’t find anything searching for the full name, you can try putting it between quotation marks. If this is not successful, add the person’s alias to the name. You can also add the email, the school or the home town – any information you know about that person can be useful.

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Run a criminal record check

Ok, this sounds frightening, but you should conduct a criminal record check on your date, especially if you suspect something is not right or you think everything is too good to be true. Depending on the country, you need the name and the birthday of the person. Most countries and states allow you to run an online check on the local court’s website, while others ask for you to come in person. If you live in America and you have suspicions on your date’s background, it might be a good idea to run a criminal record check in multiple states.

Social media check

There is a fine line between checking someone’s social media presence and stalking him/her, but you should try to find out more about your potential date. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the best sources for information, but don’t neglect other social media platforms either. You can use your date’s name, alias, telephone or email address, as well as a mix between these or all of them, to be sure you have the right person in front of you.

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Reverse phone lookup

If you only have an alias or a common name and a phone number, you can do a reverse phone lookup. This is going to show you the name, address and other information about the person you are searching. Reverse phone lookups can also be done on Google and Facebook, but you should first try a specialized platform.

One’s online activity can speak a lot about that person, so you should be able to understand your potential partner better. If there are any red flags about him or her, you can take someone with you when you first date that person or you can simply give up on the date altogether. Your safety is always more important. If the steps above fail you, ask around and try to find information from people who might know the person you are “investigating”. Your potential date is going to find out about your research – don’t worry about this. They should be happy to know you are cautious and you were interested enough to want to know more about them before meeting in person.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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