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Is Your Tinder Date Lying To You? Run A Background Check

Is Your Tinder Date Lying To You? Run A Background Check

Nine in 10 Americans are using online dating platforms nowadays, when meeting your significant other online is not a stigmatized act anymore. If you would have told someone you’ve met your partner online 20 years ago, eyebrows would raise as you would have gotten disapproving looks. Things changed a lot in the last 20 years and now a survey by Pew Research showed that one in five adults aged between 25-35 are looking for their partner online and two thirds of them had actually dated the people they met online.

Online dating is the second most common way to find your partner, following being introduced by a common friend. The billion dollar industry built with help from the 50 million Tinder users has changed the dynamics of dating and marriage, increasing the your chance to stumble upon a dangerous person. You can never know who is hiding behind an online dating profile. The number of people who are setting up fake profiles, luring honest people into a scam only to have fun, harm them or else, is growing and it also has a name: catfish scam.

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This comes with a new problem: how can you be sure the person you know online is the same person you are going to meet offline? We’ve all heard horror stories and lots of online-love-gone-wrong experiences, so before you decide what to wear to your date, you might want to background check your new date. Here are some ways to find out if your online date is lying to you or is just enhancing his/her background to impress you.

The basic: Google

The simplest check you can do on your date is a simple Google search. There are multiple ways to look for someone: you can try using the full name of the person you are looking for, quotation marks, aliases and even emails. If you can’t find anything searching for the full name, you can try putting it between quotation marks. If this is not successful, add the person’s alias to the name. You can also add the email, the school or the home town – any information you know about that person can be useful.

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Run a criminal record check

Ok, this sounds frightening, but you should conduct a criminal record check on your date, especially if you suspect something is not right or you think everything is too good to be true. Depending on the country, you need the name and the birthday of the person. Most countries and states allow you to run an online check on the local court’s website, while others ask for you to come in person. If you live in America and you have suspicions on your date’s background, it might be a good idea to run a criminal record check in multiple states.

Social media check

There is a fine line between checking someone’s social media presence and stalking him/her, but you should try to find out more about your potential date. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the best sources for information, but don’t neglect other social media platforms either. You can use your date’s name, alias, telephone or email address, as well as a mix between these or all of them, to be sure you have the right person in front of you.

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Reverse phone lookup

If you only have an alias or a common name and a phone number, you can do a reverse phone lookup. This is going to show you the name, address and other information about the person you are searching. Reverse phone lookups can also be done on Google and Facebook, but you should first try a specialized platform.

One’s online activity can speak a lot about that person, so you should be able to understand your potential partner better. If there are any red flags about him or her, you can take someone with you when you first date that person or you can simply give up on the date altogether. Your safety is always more important. If the steps above fail you, ask around and try to find information from people who might know the person you are “investigating”. Your potential date is going to find out about your research – don’t worry about this. They should be happy to know you are cautious and you were interested enough to want to know more about them before meeting in person.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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