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Couples Who Argue Have Better Relationships, According To Science

Couples Who Argue Have Better Relationships, According To Science

Guess what? You’re off the hook. You don’t need to sit around wonder if all the arguing means that your relationship is doomed. Science says that, that isn’t the case.

Recently, a survey was done in India among married couples to figure out how much arguing affected their relationship. And it turns out that 44% of responders attribute part of their marital success to how much they argue. They said that fighting more than once a week helps keep the lines of communication open.

And that isn’t all, another study done over 14 years found that couples who argued often and in a peaceful manner were more likely not be separated. This study followed 79 married couples across the US Midwest. According to FamilyShare, the common thread between the strongest couples is that they argued, and immediately talked openly and honestly about the argument.

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Arguing for A Healthy Relationship

First, there is a difference between fighting and arguing. Arguing is a healthy way to get emotions out on the table. In fact, the quickest relationship killer is allowing your emotions to stew. Next thing you know, you’re a bomb waiting to explode. It isn’t a matter of if at this point, it’s a matter of when your emotions will get the better of you and you’ll have a relationship altering fight.

Without question, letting your emotions stew will lead to resentment.

And, frankly, arguments are just part of a relationship that isn’t boring. In fact, in this article at the Star Tribune, Sandy Burris, who’s been married almost 60 years, says, “We do [argue all the time]. There are a lot of things we don’t agree on. If we did agree all the time, it would be boring.”

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If you’ve been married happily for that long, you must be doing something right. I’m sure you can remember a relationship that just went stale when you’ve been thinking just tell me I did something wrong for once!

As for kids, many family counselors site peaceful arguing as part of a positive model, as William Doherty, a professor in the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science stated. “If they never see you argue, they’re going to get a very unrealistic image of marriage,” he said, “If it’s hostile, contemptuous, full of shouting and name-calling, that’s bad. But if it’s a small irritation that is addressed respectfully and the kids see that 15 minutes later you’ve gotten over it and everything is fine again, that’s helpful.”

The point is, you can’t play the blame game and expect your kids to grow positively, but you can teach them by example that it’s okay to disagree. It’s easy to show them that you can argue, come to a compromise, and still love each other fully. It seems that arguing is healthy for everyone involved, not just the couple. Arguing isn’t just a magic pill. There are obvious reasons why arguing makes couples stay together longer.

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1. There’s No Resentment Between Partners

If you’re constantly holding it it, there will be resentment. The healthiest way to deal with negative feelings is to get them out in the open!

2. Couples Who Argue See Themselves as Equals

In a relationship is so important for partners to be on a level playing field. No one wins if someone is dominant over the other. And that’s what happens when couples don’t argue. Let’s face it, all people feel the need to stand their ground. In a relationship, if you don’t stand your ground and argue, you’re showing your partner that their opinion is more important, and they can have whatever they want. That’s the road to an unhealthy relationship.

3. Couples Who Challenge Each Other, Grow Together

It’s no secret that the quickest way to grow as a person is to overcome challenges. It’s also no secret that good relationships require both partners to push the other to be the best version of themselves. When arguing with a partner, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. You will learn a lot about each other, and more importantly yourself. You’ll learn how to lose better, you will learn how to win with sportsmanship, and you’ll learn how to compromise more. These are all valuable traits in all parts of life.

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If you want a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t avoid arguments. However, you shouldn’t go pick a fight with your spouse as soon as you’re done reading this. The bigger point here is that all people argue, and the way you argue is really important.

It’s important that arguments aren’t fights or all out wars. They need to be peaceful. And you should practice listening with the intent of understanding your partner, not so you can find our opportunity to speak. Next time you get in an argument with your partner, remember that you’re strengthening your bond if you’re doing it right.

Featured photo credit: Daily Record via dailyrecord.co.uk

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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