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How To Have A Memorable Vacation As A Couple.

How To Have A Memorable Vacation As A Couple.

Many couples believe they’re perfect for each other, they move in together or get married too soon and regret their decisions fast enough.

How do you know if your partner is the right person? They say traveling together is the best way to understand one another. A memorable vacation strengthens any relationship.

1. Be Excited and Don’t Hold Back On Ideas

When I’m planning for my annual vacation, I’m as excited as I’m on Christmas morning. A month or sometimes two months before our vacation, we each have a list of countries we want to go to. Though finances often come in between, we always set our goals and work towards it. Our schedules are tight, but we always take the weekends to plan our vacations. Excitement and ideas is what gets us to look forward to our trip and gives us a sense of hope.

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Some may say that excitement is overrated or even hold themselves back from being excited, but this rush of endorphins and adrenaline is what takes your relationship to the next level. Understanding and working together becomes the fun part of the whole planning.

How do you do it? Never hold back on your ideas. Always sit and do your research together, this will create a sense of communication and trust. This by itself becomes the start of an amazing vacation.

I think we all familiar with the phrase, “As Hardworking as an Otter.” Sometimes everyone needs a break, even otters take breaks during winters.

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2. Always Choose Places of Mutual Interest

Sometimes during planning it’s hard to come to a decision. As individuals, we all have our opinions and sometimes it’s just hard to accept a NO. The world is a big place and choosing one country to explore can be difficult hence, always decide on what would you want to do during your vacations.

Every couple has their own style and rhythm, some prefer a relaxed vacation while others prefer adventure. My partner is a precise planner, I’m a spontaneous adventurer and often times this causes a huge clash during planning. Hence we divide our holidays: the first 2 weeks for adventure and the last two weeks for historic explorations and relaxation.

This form of communication allows us to understand each other and choose interesting places. The more exotic the places are, the more fun we have trying to communicate the languages and experience new food. The more interesting stories you have together, the closer your bond would be and your relationship would transcend towards a harmonious connection.

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3.Being Organized Is an Important Quality

As a person who’s generally the least organized, I can emphasize on its importance. Being a creative it’s hard to constantly be organized because my brain is drawing a complicated map of its own, hence whilst traveling my partner constantly struggles with my tardiness. Sometimes this leads to huge arguments and ruins our day. Such negativity and arguments lead to unnecessary tension and makes it harder to keep a harmonious relationship.

We all learn our lessons, and that’s the reason why I constantly emphasize on myself in being organized. I tend to keep things categorized, filed and scheduled and often times set tons of reminders to not create chaos. Hence, if one of you finds it hard to be organized, try working together to fix the problem. You complement each other with your best and worst qualities, that’s what makes your relationship unique.

4. Explore The New Country

Flying or taking a train to a new land can be exciting, it’s made even better when you’re traveling with your partner. Try embracing every moment, from the terrible flight food to the most intense train ride, often times this becomes your best memory.

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In a new country, language may become a huge hurdle especially if the locals aren’t familiar with English. However, this is the time where you have to work as a team, navigating using sign language and moving your way across Google Translate. Sometimes reading signboards and getting lost may seem like a frequent problem, however, try to enjoy being lost and find a random restaurant which serves strange local food. Explore to the best and enjoy every moment of a new country. Remember this will change your perspective as well as your partner’s towards your relationship.

In a nutshell, every relationship is unique. We all thrive under the same basic beliefs which are understanding, trust, and teamwork. If you’re able to attain this, you can create a blissful version of Romeo and Juliet in your own life.

Featured photo credit: Google Images via fluentin3months.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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