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How To Have A Memorable Vacation As A Couple.

How To Have A Memorable Vacation As A Couple.

Many couples believe they’re perfect for each other, they move in together or get married too soon and regret their decisions fast enough.

How do you know if your partner is the right person? They say traveling together is the best way to understand one another. A memorable vacation strengthens any relationship.

1. Be Excited and Don’t Hold Back On Ideas

When I’m planning for my annual vacation, I’m as excited as I’m on Christmas morning. A month or sometimes two months before our vacation, we each have a list of countries we want to go to. Though finances often come in between, we always set our goals and work towards it. Our schedules are tight, but we always take the weekends to plan our vacations. Excitement and ideas is what gets us to look forward to our trip and gives us a sense of hope.

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Some may say that excitement is overrated or even hold themselves back from being excited, but this rush of endorphins and adrenaline is what takes your relationship to the next level. Understanding and working together becomes the fun part of the whole planning.

How do you do it? Never hold back on your ideas. Always sit and do your research together, this will create a sense of communication and trust. This by itself becomes the start of an amazing vacation.

I think we all familiar with the phrase, “As Hardworking as an Otter.” Sometimes everyone needs a break, even otters take breaks during winters.

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2. Always Choose Places of Mutual Interest

Sometimes during planning it’s hard to come to a decision. As individuals, we all have our opinions and sometimes it’s just hard to accept a NO. The world is a big place and choosing one country to explore can be difficult hence, always decide on what would you want to do during your vacations.

Every couple has their own style and rhythm, some prefer a relaxed vacation while others prefer adventure. My partner is a precise planner, I’m a spontaneous adventurer and often times this causes a huge clash during planning. Hence we divide our holidays: the first 2 weeks for adventure and the last two weeks for historic explorations and relaxation.

This form of communication allows us to understand each other and choose interesting places. The more exotic the places are, the more fun we have trying to communicate the languages and experience new food. The more interesting stories you have together, the closer your bond would be and your relationship would transcend towards a harmonious connection.

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3.Being Organized Is an Important Quality

As a person who’s generally the least organized, I can emphasize on its importance. Being a creative it’s hard to constantly be organized because my brain is drawing a complicated map of its own, hence whilst traveling my partner constantly struggles with my tardiness. Sometimes this leads to huge arguments and ruins our day. Such negativity and arguments lead to unnecessary tension and makes it harder to keep a harmonious relationship.

We all learn our lessons, and that’s the reason why I constantly emphasize on myself in being organized. I tend to keep things categorized, filed and scheduled and often times set tons of reminders to not create chaos. Hence, if one of you finds it hard to be organized, try working together to fix the problem. You complement each other with your best and worst qualities, that’s what makes your relationship unique.

4. Explore The New Country

Flying or taking a train to a new land can be exciting, it’s made even better when you’re traveling with your partner. Try embracing every moment, from the terrible flight food to the most intense train ride, often times this becomes your best memory.

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In a new country, language may become a huge hurdle especially if the locals aren’t familiar with English. However, this is the time where you have to work as a team, navigating using sign language and moving your way across Google Translate. Sometimes reading signboards and getting lost may seem like a frequent problem, however, try to enjoy being lost and find a random restaurant which serves strange local food. Explore to the best and enjoy every moment of a new country. Remember this will change your perspective as well as your partner’s towards your relationship.

In a nutshell, every relationship is unique. We all thrive under the same basic beliefs which are understanding, trust, and teamwork. If you’re able to attain this, you can create a blissful version of Romeo and Juliet in your own life.

Featured photo credit: Google Images via fluentin3months.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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