Advertising
Advertising

Are Times Tough? Hone These 3 Virtues To Make You Tougher

Are Times Tough? Hone These 3 Virtues To Make You Tougher

Whether you like it or not, whether you have accepted it or not, the fact still remains that all actions have consequences. In some scenarios, the consequence may be a positive one. In others, the consequences come as a form of punishment or repercussions for careless, reckless, and ignorant behavior. Regardless of whatever the case may be, I am not here to judge or condemn. The intention of this article is to get you to focus on specific attributes that will help guide you through your toughest of times. Let me start off by admitting that I have put myself in more than my fair share of precarious positions in the past. Thankfully, I’ve been able to make it out of every single one of them alive. Now, it is my duty to share with you the 3 virtues that helped me endure my trying times. These virtues have helped me get through every single one of my bad days and will continue to get me through any rough patches I may stumble across. Hone these 3 virtues and evolve into the strongest version of yourself.

1. Patience

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that patience is a virtue. Not only is it a virtue, it is one of the most important virtues one can possess. Especially in times of crisis. Demonstrating patience can be the difference between getting caught in the middle of the storm or seeking refuge and restrategizing until the storm blows over. Circumstances may not be ideal, they may even be catastrophic. But if you’ve already done all that you can do, the only thing left to do is to trust your survival instincts and patiently wait as the world revolves around you. Don’t rush into making decisions. Let thing’s play themselves out. When opportunity presents itself to you, seize the moment!

Advertising

2. Timing

Patience and timing go hand-in-hand with one another. By demonstrating good patience, opportunity will eventually arise. Once that opportunity does arise, it is solely your responsibility to recognize and take advantage of it. That is when timing truly becomes everything. We, as humans, should always be honing this virtue. Timing can virtually affect every aspect of your life, from relationships, to health, to work, to finances, to whatever you can name; timing impacts it. Timing is often overlooked and some embrace tardiness as almost a social norm. Let me ask you this; how trustworthy is the person that is constantly late, says or does inappropriate things at inappropriate times, or doesn’t know when to seal the deal?

Advertising

3. Confidence

Confidence is widely known as the most attractive quality one can possess. Why is that? Because confidence is believing in yourself. Confidence is trusting yourself. There is nothing more appealing than someone who believes in themselves. When you exude confidence, who’s going to doubt your abilities? Having the confidence in knowing that everything will be alright as opposed to casting doubt can literally help change the way your body performs. Studies have proven that self-confidence directly correlates with performance. Instead of worrying and doubting your abilities, remember that you’ve made it through 100% of your bad days. Know that you will be able to handle whatever is coming your way. Even if the situation is out of your control, have confidence that things will eventually work out. Have confidence in your faith. Have confidence in humanity. Regardless of what happens, don’t lose confidence. Having confidence will give you strength and courage in times where it may be lacking.

Advertising

Be The Best Version Of Yourself

Unfortunately, pain and suffering will always be a part of life. The good news is that since information is available at our fingertips, new treatments and techniques to manage pain and suffering will always surface. Honing these three virtues will not guarantee invincibility (nothing is guaranteed, except death and taxes). But when you develop and strengthen these virtues—which every human possesses– your perception will change, emotions will be easier to manage, and you will suffer less anxiety. I could almost guarantee that developing these three virtues would be life changing, but you know my stance on guarantees. Instead of taking my word for it, why don’t you try it for yourself? You have nothing to lose and the world to gain!

Advertising

More by this author

How To Discover Your ‘WOW Factor’ Are Times Tough? Hone These 3 Virtues To Make You Tougher

Trending in Communication

1 How to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage and Rekindle the Passion 2 Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It 3 6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of 4 How To Spark A Positive Mood When Feeling Dull 5 5 Reasons You Will Never Be a Fighter

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

Advertising

2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

Advertising

  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

Advertising

This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

Advertising

6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

Read Next