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To Regain The Control Over My Life, I Can Only Choose To Leave You

To Regain The Control Over My Life, I Can Only Choose To Leave You

There are two things I just ever couldn’t get on the same page; my heart and my head. Do you know how hard it is to love you, and know I need to leave you at the same time? No part of me wanted to leave you.

My life was consumed by thoughts of you from the second I woke up until I went to sleep at night. Loving you had essentially become like a drug. Being high off you was the most euphoric experience I have ever had, but crashing off of you was like hearing every goodbye I’ve ever heard said to me all at once, which is cliche to say, I suppose.

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I have made my fair share of mistakes — I can be selfish — but I certainly didn’t deserve to be treated the way you so wrongly treated me. I started to believe that I was the problem. I tried harder. Man, I did try. I wanted you, I wanted us, and you threw it away like it was yesterday’s news. I often wondered what I had done to you that was so horrible that could warrant being treated this way. You took and took from me and didn’t once even bother to say thank you.

I spent so much time defending you to my friends and my family because I thought that you would change. I would justify your ignorance towards me, and I chalked it up to you having a bad day, but it seemed like everyday was a bad day. But I stayed because I loved you more than anything.

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My friends told me what my head already knew. “You deserve better.” But at the time all I could think was, “Who are they to tell me what I do and do not deserve?” It’s crazy how my mind tried to protect me from feeling sad and hurt.

I always thought it was supposed to be you and me, together, for the rest of our lives. Isn’t life funny in the sense that time reveals truth? Why was everything so one-sided with you? Why couldn’t you just reciprocate the love and effort that I was giving to you? Did I really mean that little to you?

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I can’t say that I’m angry because some of my favorite memories are the ones I made with you. You could make me feel so alive. As we started getting older, I think you realized our aspirations and desires weren’t lining up. I understand that people grow and sometimes, they grow in separate directions.

I don’t think either one of us was really at fault. I mean, we were young, and we thought we knew everything there was to know about love. We really had no idea. Life and you have taught me something very important: people aren’t permanent, but the memories stay with you for a lifetime — good and bad.

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Many years have passed since you and I, and I would be lying if I said my mind didn’t drift off to thoughts of you from time to time. But I know now that us ending was for the better. It was hard for me to leave you considering the amount of love and passion I had for you, but eventually enough was enough. I could no longer sacrifice my sanity and happiness to try to make us work.

I could never blame you for anything because you were one of the best lessons that I could ever have, and I appreciate that. Without you, I’m not sure I would know exactly what I don’t deserve.

Thank you for teaching me that my most valuable relationship is the one that I have with myself.

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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